Previa Alliance Podcast

Why We Don't Do Resolutions

January 01, 2024 Previa Alliance Team Season 1 Episode 87
Previa Alliance Podcast
Why We Don't Do Resolutions
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Happy New Year! Have you ever found yourself a few months into the new year frustrated with your progress toward unrealistic resolutions? If so, then you must join Sarah and Whitney for the first podcast of 2024 as Whitney shares her strategy for leaning into the new year with a positive mindset and with goals that are more in line with motherhood, fitness, and personal growth.

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Speaker 1:

Hey guys, welcome back to Preview Alliance podcast. Happy 2024.

Speaker 2:

This is Holy.

Speaker 1:

Couch 2024. It's Sarah and Whitney. We're here, happy New.

Speaker 2:

Year.

Speaker 1:

But you guys are probably feeling a little bit like we are like okay.

Speaker 2:

It's almost like the holiday let down, but also we're gearing up for a new year.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so there's, a weird combination of feelings. No one really knows. Should we be eating a zillion?

Speaker 2:

things we're in limbo.

Speaker 1:

Should we be like doing our sweats? Should we be like trying to take on the world?

Speaker 2:

Are the Christmas decorations up or down?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's ooh, and that's a very strong divide people have.

Speaker 2:

People feel very certain like I'm sure people would not appreciate my take on it.

Speaker 1:

Some come down. I'm more of like I've got to get it down.

Speaker 2:

That's me, as I like to get it down and get my house kind of organized and clean so I can think a little more clearly.

Speaker 1:

But some people they are like hard set. No, it doesn't come down till January 3rd, 4th, whatever. Some people are like I keep something up to Valentine's Day.

Speaker 2:

I'm like okay whatever works for you. I have a client, bless their heart. They broke their ankle and their tree ended up staying up all year because they just never could get it down. Well, you know what.

Speaker 1:

They took the ornaments off. At that point you just call it for what it is.

Speaker 2:

I thought I might have said you know what?

Speaker 1:

You just get you some different seasonal things and it's just going to be greenery in your house.

Speaker 2:

We're calling it greenery. That's a reframe.

Speaker 1:

It would be something that would happen to me, that would just really. That would be the thing that. I would be calling, you wouldn't come and take this treaty.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, calling the reinforcements.

Speaker 1:

Get the treaty out. You wouldn't think to ask. You'd be like. I know that really bothers her.

Speaker 2:

I'd be like, okay, what's your address? Am I going by Chick-fil-A on my way in? Tell me what we?

Speaker 1:

need, because she's going to lose her mind. But we are going to talk about why. We said it before, but it's always a good reminder. We don't do resolutions.

Speaker 2:

We don't.

Speaker 1:

I know you're going to be hearing it everywhere you turn.

Speaker 2:

It's kind of shoved down our throats.

Speaker 1:

This is new year new. You set your intentions, set your goals. We love all that. Let's break this down. 80% of people abandon their resolutions by February.

Speaker 2:

That doesn't last long, friends.

Speaker 1:

Less than 10% succeed, and actually somebody said only maybe 8%. That's not to say that you're not going to succeed. That's not saying that you're not going to be that.

Speaker 2:

But let's set ourselves up for success over failure, right.

Speaker 1:

Because what happens here is people tend to shoot for the moon and stars. Right, because we all can do that when the effort's not involved. Right, it's like, hey, whitney, I'm going to start running like you and I'm going to join you. When I texted her and Jenny the other day and said, y'all, I ran 800 meters and I kept thinking the whole entire time.

Speaker 2:

Look at you, no, I thought how did these two?

Speaker 1:

And I thought what is wrong with them Like that's literally the thoughts that was coming in my mind was you and Jenny being like signing up for Marathon? So me setting a resolution that Sarah's going to be running with Jenny and Whitney, she's saying in the car.

Speaker 2:

And that's okay, because I can't do weights. So that's you know, and I love a good hit strength.

Speaker 1:

You know CrossFit workouts, so you know, speaking of this, the most commonly abandoned resolutions, Whitney you probably see this with your clients is health, fitness, weight loss, exercise. Right, this is all research based, so we're not saying anything that you guys probably don't know by your own lives. But why doesn't it work out? Oh, I'm not lack of motivation, willpower, right, and some said they just set unrealistic goals.

Speaker 2:

Uh, huh so. I would agree with that. The unrealistic goals, I would say I don't love the idea of saying that you don't have motivation or willpower, because that's negative.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

But if I say that I am going to run a marathon this year, which I have never ran a marathon, don't really have a desire to. I've done a couple of halves, and halves are hard.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

But if I tell myself, okay, I'm going to run a marathon and I'm going to qualify for Boston, which y'all just Google what it takes to qualify for.

Speaker 1:

Boston and we lived outside of Boston so that was a huge thing. So people like it's a big deal, it's a huge ordeal.

Speaker 2:

It's a big deal so for Whitney to come in, who has never ran a marathon. It really doesn't have the desire to run a marathon and I also maintain a 10 and a half minute pace, which is not that fast compared to like professional runners. Whitney ain't qualified for Boston. That don't need to be my resolution.

Speaker 1:

And well, you know now that we're we really, because I love finding out more details about resolutions, right? And it's saying that the younger individuals tend to have a slightly higher successful rate.

Speaker 2:

I may not have children, that's what I was going to say.

Speaker 1:

I would love to they have more flexibility in their schedule. I always say this all the time. So Preview Alliance is a startup company. People are like, well, what's a startup company? That's essentially where you started up from yourself idea on From the scratch and you build it and you are out there learning. I mean, I always tell people it's like the best master's degree I've ever received in my life is the School of Hard Knocks. But I'm out there a lot of times fighting against others Not fighting against, it shouldn't be the right word. In the same realm of startups, founders who are young, single men. Nothing against them. They're not trying to solve material mental health, like I am, but they have no idea of like. Well, what do you mean? You woke up three times because your kids got up and like this morning, they don't comprehend. They don't comprehend, right, they don't comprehend the extra that's added on to moms of the mental health I mean we're not, honestly, probably all getting good night sleeps consistently and the lack of like the village that we're supposed to have that we don't have to give us that support to. Often sticking to resolutions and behavioral changes take time. Most research suggests it takes the average of 66 days to form a new habit and stick with it, and so we all know our lovely children are unpredictable, very, and just when we think we have a good hold on life, they're going to rip that carpet from us Cold flu RSV strep. Rop phone. You know All the things Works, or something at you.

Speaker 2:

Or it's a teacher work day at school. Well, now you got to be mom, and because you are the child care now when they're in public school.

Speaker 1:

You are, there is the day that is a whole level of another brokenness of our system for moms. But let's talk about specifically. So we were pretty general there. Let's talk about how the landscape for priorities, again with these resolutions, come in with moms, right, we're kind of touching on it. But motherhood is very unpredictable, from postpartum to pregnancy. Even pregnancy right, my pregnancy was very unpredictable of going on bed rest, of not being able to lift anything. To Now I'm supposed to be pregnant to 40 weeks. I had well at 34 weeks. You know it is so unpredictable. Your best laid plans, goals, resolutions, when you are literally pregnant or postpartum in motherhood, you're fighting against something that's essentially never going to be stable. So, just calling that for what it is, and now you're very responsible for someone else's full needs. Yes 24, seven. You're keeping this little thing alive. So again, this is not saying, hey guys, you're not going to be able to keep resolutions. That's not saying that we're going to get to what we're saying, but it's self care versus unrealistic expectations where you set yourself up for failure. You already know, hey, I'm doing good to get by some days. Maybe it's not running for 30 minutes a day, maybe it's you run, you know, twice a week, right? So that's a better, realistic expectation. It's more doable. Me I'm like. I feel sometimes like I need to be more zinner and calmer, trying to grab myself. So I downloaded this pause app and you can do one minute to 10 minutes. If I have a great day and I set my time aside, I can do that 10. But if I do that one minute, I still count that as a success.

Speaker 2:

That's a win. A win is a win.

Speaker 1:

So that is what we're talking about is like don't put yourself in this tiny little box where it's only X, y and Z.

Speaker 2:

Try not to be rigid.

Speaker 1:

Oh, and I have a hard time with that Same. So we have to give ourselves grace. So we're talking to ourselves too. But you know, we've said this so many times before we have so much coming at us that's trying to make us feel like we're not a good mom, we're not good enough, so don't put anything extra on you. That's gonna mean like I felt at that too. Right, because that's just gonna lead to guilt, and shame and isolation and you're like the one thing I try to do for myself. I couldn't do.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

And then be cautious when we're doing these resolutions. Ok, you grew a child, you grew a human. Ok, your body's changed.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

So you're gonna get inudated with all these ads.

Speaker 2:

Go to Jens, get that bounce back All of these supplements, these detox teas and drinks.

Speaker 1:

They're gonna come for the mom and the postpartum body of this toxic culture where they're selling or again we go back to. Let's break it down it's a business. They're selling a certain thing we want you to be healthy. We want you to have physical and mental health strength, but we don't want you to do that in a way that's a fad or unhealthy for you and be shamed into it. Right, because we never change if somebody's shaming us to do something like that.

Speaker 2:

Well, and it's. Even. If we do change, it's not always received as a positive thing.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

You know, we have to change for ourselves.

Speaker 1:

Right, I have to decide no for someone else's improvement, and I think that's a big thing too, right, if you're like, okay, well, I'm good, but I won't sell one, so to have a resolution, I want my husband have a resolution, right, if they don't do it for themselves.

Speaker 2:

Right, it's not gonna mean as much, it's not gonna mean as much.

Speaker 1:

They're not going to take ownership in it. And you know what, when it ultimately goes wrong, they blame you for it. Yep, because I never wanted to do it in the first place.

Speaker 2:

It'll come back and bite you.

Speaker 1:

And you guys don't even have to, you don't have to say this. But again, social media, the comparison thief of joy. It is going to be coming at you, of making you feel like you're behind If you're not on your 30 days of fat loss.

Speaker 2:

Right, that was a big big one. After my first daughter was born.

Speaker 1:

And because? Then you want, because I think it's like the loss of identity that happens in motherhood, right Already, and you're like who am I, who's my body, what am I doing? So you sometimes grasp with something to say, well, if I can physically get back to X, if I can fit into my genes, Right, or if I can get to this number on the scale. Right, like then I'm good, but then I've accomplished this Right, like I'm going to be okay, when I know I sometimes do this where I will look on the outside appearance of myself versus the inside. I'd rather do the outside work versus the inside.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

And that seems easier, and that seems painful sometimes.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

So what can they do? So let's, so, let's, let's. Let's go and say, okay, what are we going to do?

Speaker 2:

So I would say, start out with realistic goals. Try to celebrate non-scale victories.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

So when I say that it could be that you do get your exercise in two days a week, Right For me, which has been a year's process, is okay. I'm going to build myself up to running this distance. You know that's a non-scale victory, right? I still have 10 pounds that I haven't lost from my second daughter and she's three years old. Yeah, but you know, what I'm going to be further now than I could before she was born. Totally.

Speaker 1:

So I'm a stronger runner, so that is your Running has benefited my mental health 100%. I was going to say we work out, yeah, for our mental health, correct, so we don't do it for the way our genes fit. Now that's a nice compliment. I mean yeah sure, we don't mind about it, right, but we do it because we both are better moms, friends, wives, everything.

Speaker 2:

Everything and I want to be able to keep up with my kids. I want to be able to play tag with them in the backyard.

Speaker 1:

I see grandparents now and I'm fortunate my parents are super active and I want to be them, because then I see others that simply cannot and I'm like I don't so that's my goal. It's not like you said. It's not like limited size X-seria genes needs to fit in. It is a long term. I'm going to constantly work at this Right Something that means something to me. I'm setting my intentions Exactly. I'm being flexible that, hey, okay, baby James was up five times last night because he's sick. Sarah didn't get to work out today.

Speaker 2:

Okay, that's okay, I'm still on my long term goal.

Speaker 1:

Right Of where I want to be.

Speaker 2:

Exactly Well. And life is unpredictable. Life has a way of life thing.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes it just like tornado life says.

Speaker 2:

Uh huh. Yeah, hurricane tornado earthquake. All of the things happen at one time. Because why wouldn't it? Why not? Yeah, because that's life. So, allowing yourself to be flexible, giving yourself grace and saying you know what? My kid was sick. I was up all night last night. I don't have the energy to work out, but if I can put them in the stroller and go for a walk, great.

Speaker 1:

A win is a win.

Speaker 2:

Otherwise, I'm just going to focus on taking care of myself and meeting my needs for today, which means taking a shower.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, eating and making sure my kid is okay.

Speaker 1:

And that it's a season of life too. So when you're looking at this, what you can do when your kids are babies and toddlers is way different than what you're going to look at when your kids are in middle school.

Speaker 2:

Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

So if we're again going back to these resolutions, you're like well, I want one concept that I like, stick to and check off. Okay. So then you be realistic with yourself. Is that one minute a day you can get? That is fantastic. No one says that you can't build that up.

Speaker 2:

Exactly.

Speaker 1:

But you do not need anything extra that's going to make it harder on yourself.

Speaker 2:

No, don't add to your plate.

Speaker 1:

Do positive influences. Sometimes it could be. You know, mental health is my priority. Okay, I'm going to listen to this podcast. I'm going to go to a toolbox tip episode. I'm going to implement one tool that Whitney teaches me a week for a month, and I'm going to practice or I'm going to practice mindfulness. I'm going to pause. I'm going to be open about my mental health. I'm going to find my huddle person. We've talked about this before and I'm going to share and say you know I had, I'm struggling with postpartum anxiety, whitney. I've had these thoughts. I'm going to go to therapy. Good, whatever I'm going to say, you don't have to be tied to whatever anybody says. And your long term improvement of what you want.

Speaker 2:

Exactly.

Speaker 1:

Is what we want you to do. Right, that is what we're saying. So don't set a resolution but say you know, don't point out your flaws. I love when you always say this Don't say. Don't make my negative stand out. Right, let's turn it to a positive.

Speaker 2:

Right, let's reframe.

Speaker 1:

I love to reframe now that you've taught me that I needed that in my life.

Speaker 2:

Reframing is really strong.

Speaker 1:

And I think you know again, just embrace the change. This is a changing versus rigid. We are flexible versus set. We are. You know we're going to bend where we're hopefully not going to break here and I think that's something that you have to come into motherhood and know you're going to bend a lot.

Speaker 2:

There's a lot of pressure.

Speaker 1:

So what it looks like pre-baby is not what it's going to look like. Nope, and we're not ever going back, that's okay. We're dealing, like we said earlier in the episode Post holidays are super hard. You are drained. Okay, you have.

Speaker 2:

There's a lot going on. There's a lot. We're stimulated, we're exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically all of the above, it is a lot.

Speaker 1:

You have been basically the main caregiver for the past. I don't know since. Probably starts before Halloween, right Like. But the extra right. The planning, the cooking, the holiday activities. I mean you've had um 10,000 school parties. You've had to see with Dilla family that you often don't there's been boundaries Well in the gift-giving and buying Financial, physical, emotional investments. You have been tapped out, so you're ready, If you think about it. Most people that I know in my life, us included, do not come out of the holiday season to refresh and ready to roll.

Speaker 2:

Oh no, we have to recharge. Yeah, I'm already having to think about Christmas gifts because we're changing how we do Christmas. So we're going to be at my parents' house. So guess what? I'm Amazoning toys from Santa to my parents' house so that we can have Santa there when we wake up Christmas morning.

Speaker 1:

I was thinking it continuously goes ahead and shift in focus. Let's just again. Okay, you have been through a lot with the holidays, so don't what we're saying to be it's, you've already probably have lack of self-care. So I think I think you come into it. You've had comparison and guild on you. You probably felt lonely and isolated, let's be real, because the holidays are hard for people, so you've had all this extra on you and then society goes Whitney. Such a resolution.

Speaker 2:

You better stick to all because you ate so terrible these past few months.

Speaker 1:

Well, guess what? Y'all threw ever muck cake at us that there was no demand.

Speaker 2:

It all started when you let the Halloween Oreos and pumpkin races in the store that you put in the stores in September. Well, I mean I do partake. I'm not going to lie, we all do but I mean that's the thing.

Speaker 1:

That's why, if anybody grasping concepts from today, it's just here what we say. You're not set up against something to have you win Right.

Speaker 2:

This is again a marketing business that is creating strategy with businesses and then here you come.

Speaker 1:

They're throwing out to the holidays. Let's be festive. You give everything. You decorate the best You're. We're throwing in comparison and guilt to make you buy more. Your kids are off schedule. Okay, hello, that's over. No one gives you a break, right? And then you're resuming your daily demands. You're empty a little bit from your tank and then now it's set these goals, whitney, be better or lose that weight. You better be more mindful. Okay, let's take that pressure off.

Speaker 2:

Let's just be for a second.

Speaker 1:

Let's refill and let's look long term what we want. And again, why are we letting society dictate who we are as moms, our goals and our resolutions?

Speaker 2:

Well, because social media and just pours it on like an avalanche, totally. I think again we don't feel like we can get away from it.

Speaker 1:

We don't and we have to start our self identity right. So much of us, which we grew up into this in society, is telling us that our self identity is tied to what we do for our families, you know, like our birthday episode. Tied to who we are is what we give and what we create, when we have to acknowledge that is not the truth, right? What is your self identity? What is Whitney? What is Mixer Mom?

Speaker 2:

And however you set a resolution, however you do the holidays, whatever you did for your kids for the holidays, realize number one, that's enough, totally. It is enough, and it's not a character flaw if yours doesn't look like somebody else's.

Speaker 1:

And it's not going to. And that's part of the thing is. We've shared before in different episodes that I had to realize with a monogram t-shirt, valentine's thing that I've still choked about five years later.

Speaker 2:

Is that to say that's still itchy?

Speaker 1:

But I now can walk out and go. Good for her.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

But I couldn't for a while, right, and I think you are like Sarah five years ago where it's still like well, should I've done better? Could I've done more? Dig a little deeper. Restaurants, go with partners and partners as.

Speaker 2:

And also here's my kind of flip on New Year's resolutions that I kind of started thinking about a few years ago. Instead of feeling like I have to exercise more to lose weight or that I need to take this out of my life to be a better person or to do whatever, try to add positives in your life so you're adding exercise in for your physical and mental health, not to lose weight because lose is a negative word where you're taking away Exactly Whether you're adding in music that really builds you up, whether you're listening to a podcast that builds you up, whether that means that you're adding in a friend to get together every couple of months. Find things to add into your life that pour into you, that actually give something to your life as opposed to well, I have to lose weight. Now I have to take this food.

Speaker 1:

It's like a punishment right.

Speaker 2:

Exactly. So what were they? Punishment oh see, we need to add positives. We're doing therapy here, Right?

Speaker 1:

We're serving the people with the therapy.

Speaker 2:

Here. I'm saying here she comes, she comes out, she gives you a free therapy.

Speaker 1:

That's right.

Speaker 2:

Happy New Year, my friends.

Speaker 1:

So true. I love that though. So when you're looking at this, I want you to do just think of Whitney. Hear what she just said. If you need to replay this episode, turn it back on. Add something to your life this year.

Speaker 2:

Say it again in June, when life gets hard again.

Speaker 1:

You're going to need to hear it.

Speaker 2:

You know what I mean.

Speaker 1:

We'll say it again in June. That's right. We'll do a mid-year resolution retalk. I should. I think we should.

Speaker 2:

I like it.

Speaker 1:

Because we know statistically we're going to need it.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

But we're going to add this year. So this is what we're telling you. Don't buy into the peer pressure, the social media pressure. Look and say what do I want to add? What would make Sarah's life better? What would make Whitney's life better? What is something that I am not A book that's encouraging? Oh my gosh. A small just. I'm going to talk to one of my friends once a month, Right?

Speaker 2:

Make it realistic. It was totally.

Speaker 1:

If we talk more, that's fantastic, but let's be real.

Speaker 2:

Let's do one positive.

Speaker 1:

That's great. One thing let's be flexible versus rigid, and let's realize we're only going to be accountable to ourselves, not what society tells us we should be Correct. Okay, guys, we are going to be with you this year. We have so many awesome episodes planned. What we would love for you to do is to share us to talk about this with your friends. Write us a review. Follow us on.

Speaker 2:

Instagram. You don't have to be brand new postpartum to follow us. No.

Speaker 1:

Share this with anybody in your life that is trying currently is pregnant, postpartum, any stage of motherhood, right, right. Or, if you need to, we're going to touch on a lot of great topics this year, but you're like they just need to hear that, right and send it. That is where we're here, but always, if you've got some hey Whitney questions, we're always Send them in. Send them in. We're ready for that. Or if there's a topic that you want to talk about, you want to come on and talk about, shoot us a deal, right, we can do this. We got this All right, guys, we're here with you. We're going to conquer this year together and we are so thankful for you. So happy new year from us and we look forward to tackling the year with you. Thank you, and we'll see you in the next video.

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