Why Mothers Day May Have Been Hard

Speaker 1: 0:10

hey guys, this is sarah and whitney. Welcome back to preview lines podcast whitney, it's good to be back because we've been having to do some zooms because of life and life be life and my friends, it's just better though

Speaker 2: 0:22

I always love it when we're in person.

Speaker 1: 0:23

So in today's I would say it's a special one in some ways, but a hard one, yeah, and the title is why Mother's Day may be really hard.

Speaker 3: 0:34

There's so many, I mean it's a lot to unpack. It is multifaceted, I think you know. So often we do think of Mother's Day as it's a happy day. We get to bring mom breakfast in bed or get her her favorite flowers. You know at least that's how it was for me growing up Like we would make construction paper cards for our mom, and it was always a happy thing. Yeah, but now as an adult, after having gone through infertility, working with a lot of moms who have experienced loss and infertility maybe they had a strange relationship with their mom or their mom has died Different things of that nature. Mother's Day is not always this bright, sunshine and rainbows day that it is kind of promoted to be.

Speaker 1: 1:14

So I you know I love to deep dive and so I was like, why did Mother's Day even?

Speaker 3: 1:19

come away. Oh, you went on the deep, deep dive.

Speaker 2: 1:22

I'm a rabbit hole.

Speaker 1: 1:23

And so what I figured out, so there is. Her name was Anna Jarvis, which, interestingly enough, she did not have any children of her own, Hmm, but her own. She really felt that moms and their children should have an intimate celebration, so the key here is intimate. Oh, I love that In 1914, president Wilson actually signed it in a bill that said that the second Sunday in May is Mother's Day.

Speaker 3: 1:53

Oh, that's really cool.

Speaker 1: 1:54

Now, as everything in life, right, sometimes we have an intention and it kind of spirals. Yeah, it gets twisted. Anna's intention of this me and you celebrating with our children appreciation bonding moment turned into a huge commercialization moment.

Speaker 3: 2:11

Well, of course.

Speaker 1: 2:12

So here comes.

Speaker 3: 2:13

Hallmark. We got to make a dollar off it, and that's what we do.

Speaker 1: 2:17

So she actually, at the end of the day before she passed, became against it because she said this is not what it was supposed to be.

Speaker 3: 2:25

It didn't live up to what she had intended it to do.

Speaker 1: 2:28

It is now over a $20 billion industry. Mother's Day.

Speaker 3: 2:34

I'm a little floored yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:37

So I'm a little floored by that. So if you take that in perspective of if it's hard for people and let's be real, like a couple of weeks leading up to it, maybe even a month, right, you're getting plastered with social media ads, floors start going.

Speaker 3: 2:53

I was about to say flower candy jewelry Spas.

Speaker 1: 2:57

So much of consumer market is coming at this holiday. That is triggering hard and that was not the purpose of it. And another thing that when I was diving into it is, even if you have a child right, you may be struggling and Mother's Day to you feels very blanketed, Like it's like really.

Speaker 3: 3:20

Again it's promoted as sunshine and rainbows a happy thing, which I mean. We want it to be a happy thing and I think Anna's intention was for happiness, for that bonding time with family, to make it this close, intimate experience. But again, let's look at a mom whose mom has died. Yeah it's going to be a very bittersweet thing because they hear it. There is this like worldwide spotlight on this day and you don't have your mom, or you and your mom are no contact for whatever reason, and that happens a lot that may be.

Speaker 3: 3:52

It does. You know you, maybe you didn't have a great mom figure in your life and so you're like, how do I celebrate this? Because I never had that person.

Speaker 2: 4:02

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 4:05

Or on the flip side of that it's you're in the thick of infertility, You're in the thick of an adoption plan that maybe is just taking so many twists and turns that you didn't see coming. Yeah, Maybe you lost a baby, Maybe you've lost a child that you know was even in their teen years or an adult, and you're over there like am I still a mom? It is so intricate and multif.

Speaker 1: 4:26

It's multifaceted so hard I mean you mentioned it and like so when we so trying to get well okay. So back up, we got pregnant without purposeful intent with Ava, our first. For listeners who's new to this, it was a girl I miscarried at 13 weeks. Her name was Ava and I.

Speaker 1: 4:46

That following mother's day was horrific for me oh, I'm sure and but there hadn't been much time between the miscarriage there really wasn't and I was unprepared for it, so I felt like it was one of those things when you have a loss, no one says hey, mother's day, yeah, it's gonna be hard because christmas was really hard, right and I kind of expected that, sure, but then Mother's Day, because then I did exactly what you said. Am I a mom?

Speaker 3: 5:10

Yeah, am I a mom or not?

Speaker 1: 5:12

Like you know, I knew she mattered and counted to me, but to the world it almost felt like no one recognized it Right. It was super uncomfortable.

Speaker 3: 5:25

And it made me feel very. I mean, I was just not in a good place right here in it.

Speaker 1: 5:27

And then it's really spotlighting your grief, gosh. It was horrible and it was a tricky grief, oh yeah tricky grief is sneaky they come. It comes at waves and layers, yeah, and then when we were trying because then we had to try we, we struggled to get pregnant with our oldest now will. Yeah, that mother's day was super hard, right, because then it was like in my face I felt like all these people were like I'm a mom, I'm a mom. And then I was like, who am I if I can't be a?

Speaker 3: 5:54

mom Right, what is my purpose if I can't do that?

Speaker 1: 5:58

So it was very tricky and then I'll even add a different layer. So once I had Will, mother's Day came up and then I was so still hurt about Ava and that's something I think people are like. But you have a child.

Speaker 3: 6:12

But the thing is, if you miss Carrie, whether it's early on in a pregnancy, halfway, it's late term loss, it's a neonatal loss. Another child does not replace the child that died.

Speaker 1: 6:26

Exactly.

Speaker 3: 6:27

You know, I tell people all the time. You know what, if your child was 10 years old and died from whatever reason, no one would think well, if you have another child that replaces, so-and-so.

Speaker 1: 6:37

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 6:37

Because it doesn't.

Speaker 1: 6:38

No no.

Speaker 3: 6:39

It absolutely does not.

Speaker 1: 6:41

So that was layers of this that I never saw, and I think more and more we're seeing discord between moms and their parents and their mothers, and I don't know if it's we're a generation where we're trying to address things.

Speaker 3: 7:00

I wonder that because I do feel like millennials and generations behind us. We're so aware of generational traumas, patterns, whatever you want to call it, and we're over here like hey, hey, hey, we can do things differently.

Speaker 1: 7:14

Boundaries is a new concept for older generations.

Speaker 3: 7:18

Right, and so I do think that there is a big generational gap or difference in perspectives. I do think that we are becoming more assertive with our boundaries, we're more aware of okay, that's not an appropriate behavior. And here's we all mess up. Absolutely we all mess up, we all say things that we don't need to say. We all parent in ways that we're like dang it, I shouldn't have done it that way. That's fair, but accountability for it.

Speaker 2: 7:44

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 7:44

Saying you know what I did screw up, that wasn't appropriate. I'm really sorry for it. Taking accountability and trying to change is different than saying oh well, I guess I was just the worst mom ever. No, no no, we're not going to play that passive aggressive gas that?

Speaker 1: 7:58

gets me, and I think that that is why, again, if you go back to like this $20 billion industry of what a mother should be, what your relationship with a mother should be, how easily you should become a mother, right, it's like subconsciously pounding in our heads, right?

Speaker 3: 8:13

And it makes it even harder when we all, yes, no one's reality is a hallmark, well, and I think it's a way of keeping up with the Joneses 100%. You know it's. You know we talk about social media comparison so often. I do think that when we have these holidays, there's a lot of propaganda involved. It is about marketing, it is about money.

Speaker 1: 8:32

It's pulling our heartstrings.

Speaker 3: 8:33

Yeah, and it's about keeping up with the Joneses of oh well, don't you want to get your wife this nice big ring? Well, you know what? Mary Sue, down the road, just got a big old ring or a big car, or whatever it may be, and so then we feel the need to keep up, keep up, keep up. But you know what, maybe it's actually okay if we go back to the basics, maybe it's okay if we just get some takeout and just chill for the day.

Speaker 1: 8:55

You let her sleep in.

Speaker 3: 9:01

Kind of let mom call the shots and say I want X, y and Z. I will say you know, social media can be a trap sometimes. But I did see a really good video last year around Mother's Day where you had kind of the polar opposites of mom's. Like I don't want to have to tell them what I want for Mother's Day.

Speaker 1: 9:14

Well, I feel that on a certain level too, yes.

Speaker 3: 9:17

But there was one lady that said I understand like that is taking on mental load of saying I want this and this and this very specifically on Mother's Day, but what she told her husband is. I'm going to give you a guideline.

Speaker 2: 9:29

Okay.

Speaker 3: 9:30

Of. I want to eat barbecue that day, I want to spend some time outside and I want to sleep in. You have to pick the restaurant and make the reservations. You have to pick where are we going to go for a hike at, or go play outside at, sleeping in? You already know that's going to be the front you give them some boundaries. Right, it's an expectation, yeah, so let's keep that in mind too. Like, yes, we don't want to take on the full brunt of that mental load that we talked so often about.

Speaker 1: 9:57

I don't want to book my own spa appointment.

Speaker 3: 9:58

Right, you know you don't want to have to be the one planning all the things, but you can say I would really like to sleep in, eat at whatever type of food restaurant you would like a food restaurant you would like or get takeout, whatever that may be. Maybe you want a long bath.

Speaker 2: 10:12

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 10:12

Or, like me, maybe I want to go for a run and not have to worry about the house, maybe I don't want to do chores that day, you know, and just have that expectation of, hey, I'd like to do this, but I'm going to give you the reins. Now that I've given you that expectation and I felt like that was such a good, healthy balance. It was because I mean it's like we all do it, because then you're not going to get let down.

Speaker 1: 10:31

Well, we all do it right, like in our heads we magically think our husbands or our partners or whoever in our life is going to celebrate us that day If that is not their baseline, that they're magically going to be empowered this day. So you're setting them and yourself up.

Speaker 3: 10:48

Oh yeah, Bitterness, resentment is going to come in.

Speaker 1: 10:50

We've all been there.

Speaker 3: 10:52

Oh, yeah, well, and it's different because you know, enneagram one, type A, I am the list maker. I do try to be on top of things because that's just how life be. But my husband, he is Enneagram nine, peacekeeper, keeper, not maker keeper. So he's going to be more of well, I don't want to rock the boat.

Speaker 1: 11:07

I'm just going to go with it.

Speaker 3: 11:08

Right, he's going to be more go with the flow, flexible, which is great in some situations because it calms down my type A Right. But I can't necessarily expect him to just fully take the reins on something, because that's not his personality.

Speaker 1: 11:21

And that's something I think we have to step back. I've had to step back and don't get caught up in the well, this is what her husband did, this is what he planned, planned, you know. It's just not worth it for you or them, right? And I will say if this is, you know, if mother's day, let's, let's flip to a different situation.

Speaker 3: 11:40

you've lost your mom right and you dread this and especially if it's the first mother's day you know, and it's fresh.

Speaker 1: 11:49

It hurts your mom yourself, or even if you're not a mom, and it's fresh, it hurts You're a mom yourself, or even if you're not a mom, and it's like it's in your face. You know, everybody has this and I don't. Maybe you're thinking about things I should have said. Maybe it's like you know, daily reminders of oh, I wish I could call and say this to her Right, and then it's just nationally, everybody's got a mom, but me feeling.

Speaker 3: 12:10

Right? Well, because it is in your face, and so I would say, if you have lost your mom, whether it's been recent or not, if your mom has a terminal diagnosis or is in hospice care.

Speaker 2: 12:24

So you can anticipate.

Speaker 3: 12:25

Either this is the last Mother's Day with her or the first Mother's Day without her. Know that you're going to need to anticipate that that's going to be a challenging day.

Speaker 1: 12:35

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 12:35

It's not going to be the easiest thing in the world to deal with. Take time for that grief, you know. I tell clients often. You know, set a timer 15, 20 minutes. Give those feelings space to be validated and felt and get out, because otherwise it's just going to get bottled up and sometimes Mother's Day can be a very busy day. Again, you're going to these reservations. You might have to go see different sides of the family, what have you? So it is one of those. You may have to kind of get up in the morning and say I'm going to get up before anyone can find me and have my time, that's okay.

Speaker 3: 13:10

Maybe you have to do it the day before, maybe the day after. It doesn't have to be on that day, because oftentimes, when we try to do it on that specific day, our brain dissociates as a way of protecting us, and so you may be sitting there thinking, okay, I need to cry. I need to cry when is it? And it can't come because your brain's like this is just too hard and that happens.

Speaker 1: 13:31

I think more than not, and it can't come because your brain's, like this, is just too hard and that happens, I think, more than not, and people don't understand that. So I'm glad you mentioned that. Explain that. Because, I think there is situations that you're just ready for or you want it.

Speaker 3: 13:46

And then it's the next day after when you're, you know, in the drive-thru and someone hands you your food and says something and you just lose it Right and again, grief is sneaky. We never really know what is going to trigger a grief. Experience. Like, for example, which a lot of our listeners know, I lost both my grandfathers, kind of back to back, at the end of 22. Well, I was calling my dad one day just because my daughter wanted to talk to him on the way to school. The way my dad answered the phone sounded just like his dad and all of a sudden I was like oh, Super triggering.

Speaker 3: 14:12

It was one of those. For a split second I was like hey pop, and then I'm like no, no, that's dad, that's dad. Like my brain reverted to that's pop, but it wasn't. And so grief is sneaky. We never know or can anticipate the trigger or how we're going to respond to that trigger.

Speaker 1: 14:29

And that's the thing with grief and when we're talking in general, all these situations that we mentioned, is grief, like you cannot have something in grieving that and that is like not a child loss of child, loss of mother, not a relationship with a living mother. Maybe you were adopted and you don't know who your biological mom is Right and or maybe your mom left Right. Well, all these reasons, you're not wrong if this day is not a happy day and no one's saying whitney, you have to be happy because you're a mother on this day and I think that just needs to say.

Speaker 1: 15:03

and if you're like, you know what, I'm not gonna even deal with mother's day, because I think mothers need to be honored and intimate, like Anna Jarvis said. Right, no one says you have to buy into this commercialized now holiday.

Speaker 3: 15:17

There's not a set standard as type A, as I am, and as much as I like to check my boxes and go and order a steps, we don't have to do that with holidays.

Speaker 1: 15:25

No, and that is. I heard someone say this other day I think it was about Valentine's and he was like I'm not going to let a national commercial marketing scheme tell me when or when not to celebrate the love of my wife.

Speaker 3: 15:37

Right, and I said the same for moms can apply. Oh, absolutely Well, can I tell you, on Valentine's Day I think I sent the simplest Valentine's with my children. I mean there was a little bluey Valentine's with a sticker in it, it which I thought for first grade and 3k that was appropriate. Apparently, whitney is behind the times and I did not make the goodie bags and send all the things.

Speaker 1: 15:57

Welcome to the south, my friend.

Speaker 3: 15:59

I learned very hard to say but my children, we know we're gonna be buying the three dollar box valentines, because you know what it all ends up in the trash.

Speaker 1: 16:06

It really does, as I chuck some of those things. I refuse to buy into that standard. There is nothing wrong with it If this perks your love life interest on this little tangent we're off on now. But I remember the very first time this happened, will was in K2, I think Mom's day out a mom had monogram shirts sent home as valentine's gift and I had done the cvs walmart yeah and I was like I thought we were good yeah, same I.

Speaker 3: 16:36

I picked bluey because both my girls enjoyed bluey and I was like, hey, we're just gonna buy multiples of the same thing and then we share and so I was like I am not on the same level and that was interesting.

Speaker 1: 16:49

And then, yeah, and on that topic, you know we're not doing it for the kids. Honestly, when you get to that level, you're doing it for the other parents to see what you did yeah. Or you're just super talented and gifted, and that really is what.

Speaker 3: 17:02

Maybe your love language is gift giving. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, again. That being said, like you don't have to buy into going big or going home. No, no, if you want to do a construction paper made card on Mother's Day, I would love that Do that.

Speaker 1: 17:18

Will sent me a Valentine in the mail that he mailed from his little school that he drew a heart and wrote mom in it Precious, I will cherish that.

Speaker 3: 17:28

Oh yes, that's a keeper, that one doesn't go in the trash.

Speaker 1: 17:30

But I would think what we could do for Mother's Day. And if you're like, okay, I don't want to deal with it, whitney, right, what can we do? I would say biggest thing I've learned and you've taught me, whitney, and therapy sessions have taught me is knowing ahead of time what's triggering.

Speaker 3: 17:48

Right. If you know the day is already going to be hard, set your expectations low.

Speaker 1: 17:53

And maybe don't plan Like if being around a certain person Right Environment it's too loud, too much. You know it triggers you if you're running from place to place with your kids and constantly in and out and everybody's tired, not naps Right.

Speaker 3: 18:11

Transitions and change are hard anyway when it comes to young kids. So if you already know that's hard on your kids, therefore it's hard on you, but it's already a hard day. Maybe we need to eliminate some of that.

Speaker 1: 18:21

Maybe let's stay home more. Let's make sure, if you're in therapy, scheduling it close to would be very helpful.

Speaker 3: 18:28

Absolutely Before, after somewhere in that within a week, I would say within a week of it would be appropriate.

Speaker 1: 18:34

And I would say I love the fact that you say let's plan ahead, give yourself time that day. Oh yeah, wake up, set the alarm clock and you're like okay, my kids are up all night, so maybe it's during the day when your partner or spouse. You can just tap and say you know what? I need that 30 minutes.

Speaker 3: 18:49

I'm going to go for a walk. This is when we play the Mother's Day card and say, tag, you're it. I'm going to go take some time.

Speaker 1: 18:56

I remember last Mother's Day we had got this obnoxious water bounce house thing. Costco was having this sale. Of course they did on Mother's Day, it works out. And I was like Bill, you can't complain, you have to put it up. I use that. I love it. But you know I am in a different stage where Mother's Days are not. They're hard because I do think of Ava, but they're not as hard as they used to be.

Speaker 3: 19:20

It's not as consuming.

Speaker 1: 19:22

Yeah, Because I'm a little farther out, but definitely those early. I would get off social media. I didn't want to see Instagram.

Speaker 3: 19:28

Well, and that's a boundary, that's what we call a personal boundary, that is, knowing what you can take on and what you cannot take on.

Speaker 1: 19:35

So saying I'm taking a social media break, that's appropriate, that's fine. You don't have to see it and recognize you're again. If you're like, no, I'm fine with it. And then you're looking at it doing the comparison game yeah okay, that is a highlight of someone's life, right? That is the grand moment that their child smiled. They smiled. No one was having a meltdown right because you did the string trees wrong, or you cut an apple wrong, right, whatever that is. So don't judge your every day right to someone's highlight, oh absolutely not.

Speaker 3: 20:07

That is too much. They're going to show you snippets, and we're talking two to five seconds snippets of the good parts of their day.

Speaker 1: 20:14

Not the 24-7. No, and they're not going to tell you that maybe they had disappointments, they had unmet expectations, right, they got in a fight with someone that day, right? Because guess what, the days you want to make it and celebrate it, oftentimes something's going to come in like well, that again, life will life. Life is not going to stop because, no, anna jarvis created a day for us. No, and then so if the dishes can wait.

Speaker 3: 20:40

The dishes can wait and chores can wait. Your house will not burn down if you don't vacuum on mother's day and I'm gonna say what some people are thinking.

Speaker 1: 20:46

Yeah, whitney, but who's to do it if I let it go that day?

Speaker 3: 20:49

I know we do. I mean, because that has been me, I have paid the dues for that. But we are also allowed to give ourselves grace and a break and say, okay, I don't have to vacuum today. Yeah, like really and truly, if there's not like an active spill going on that you need to clean up, like it's all good, it's an active spill going on that you need to clean up like it's all good.

Speaker 1: 21:11

It's and that it's all good because I feel that way, you feel that way. Yeah, right, if I'm not gonna do it, who, who will?

Speaker 3: 21:13

well, yeah, or if they do do it.

Speaker 1: 21:16

You may find fault in how they do it okay, why are you? Calling me out because we're the same person and it's just it, literally happens now? Let's say you're going, you're going okay. That doesn't really apply to me. Everything's pretty okay, but you have friends. How do you support these friends? That Mother's Day is hard.

Speaker 3: 21:34

So I actually have a very close friend. So she went through quite a bit of infertility treatment, got pregnant with twin boys through IVF. They passed very shortly after their first birthday because of a very rare genetic disease that they had, and so in the mother's day leading up to her trying to get pregnant, I would just send her a text saying hey, thinking of you today, all that kind of stuff. Because at that time my oldest was here, me and her were pregnant at the same time with our second kids, or with my second child and her twin boys. They were about two weeks apart in age and so when the first Mother's Day after their death happened so they died in August of 21.

Speaker 3: 22:19

So we're talking May 22 rolls around I just sent her a text that said hey, I'm sure today can be really hard for you. I'm thinking about you, I'm praying for you. If you need to talk today, call me. And I just left it out there. I didn't force anything because maybe she didn't want to talk, maybe I'm not the person she wanted to talk to. Very, very fair on that one, seeing as we were pregnant together at the same time my daughter was the same age as her son, right.

Speaker 3: 22:52

And it's like you may love that person.

Speaker 3: 22:52

Oh yeah, but it is just hard, right, like it just reminds you, right, and so I didn't want to push boundaries with her and make her uncomfortable and force her into a conversation that she may not have wanted to have in the first place, or with me Again, very fair but I made myself available to her and was just like hey, I'm here, I'm thinking about you, I'm praying for you. If you need to talk today, call me, I'm open for that. Whatever you need, I am here for today.

Speaker 1: 23:15

I like that and I think if someone's lost their mom, if someone's lost the child or they're going through infertility, I think it's the same thing. People have a weird way of mental health topics in general, they think, okay, I don't want to trigger Whitney into getting more depressed or more anxious when the reality is talking about it and checking in on that person, you're saying I'm a safe space Right, well, and I'm validating that her sons lived, and that is something that she is a mom.

Speaker 3: 23:46

It is so tragic that her sons died yeah, especially given the year that they lived in turmoil, essentially in and out of the hospital, more days in the hospital than at home, yeah, but acknowledging that her sons lived, yeah, that they have names, yeah, that she is a mom, yeah, she is a mom, a hundred percent.

Speaker 1: 24:06

You know. And then you know on the flip side like say they've lost their mom, they had a mom there's, you know, Right, and that memory is their mom. Or loss of a mom, I just think anybody saying you know what, whitney, yeah, I'm like, I'm here for you. I'm sorry, right. I can imagine this you need me.

Speaker 3: 24:22

That is willing to talk so much further. Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:29

And I think sometimes you feel like people ignore it because it's uncomfortable and give them grace.

Speaker 3: 24:33

But it really doesn't take much, just send a text or a call or just a thinking of yeah, absolutely, Because it's nice to be acknowledged.

Speaker 1: 24:43

And I think that's what we're all in this life looking for. And on a total different note, I will just say, with Mother's Day and I hear this a lot I call it active versus veteran Mother's Day celebration. Right, and when I'm talking about this is we have sometimes a push, pull of we're active moms.

Speaker 3: 25:03

Oh yes.

Speaker 1: 25:04

We're active duty In the trenches we are in the trenches of, we are actively mothering young children. Our lives are. It's not about us, right? You know? Sleep, food you know we sacrifice so much stage of motherhood and then there's, I call it the veteran moms who their kids have grown. They flew the coop.

Speaker 3: 25:23

Even I would say moms of high schoolers who they're self-functioning yeah, like they can get themselves dressed, they can bathe themselves. You know the supervision is a little. It's different, but it's a little less Right.

Speaker 1: 25:34

So you've, you're not doing your. I mean activities of daily life.

Speaker 3: 25:38

You know they don't depend on you.

Speaker 1: 25:39

Yeah, so I would put out a PSA here. It's about the active duty moms. It's about the active duty moms. Yeah, meet them where they're at, however that may look, I you know, grandma saying we always go to this fancy or doesn't have to be fancy, but just not child friendly location restaurant that you're going to have to load your kids up, you're going to have to run around constantly, you're on edge because they're going to break something.

Speaker 3: 26:05

Not eat. Of course they are.

Speaker 1: 26:07

Not miss and, like your mother and you're just like what, this does not serve me. So I would say I would challenge our active moms to set a boundary, oh yeah. Or to say you know what? Self-care is a non-negotiable for me today and that that means not going right and traveling around the world to put me and my children in a situation which I know me and my husband's going to fight about. Or I have to hear for the 50th time how your mom walked to school in the snow with 10 kids on her back in the middle of July.

Speaker 1: 26:38

I think that's okay.

Speaker 3: 26:39

Yeah, oh yeah, we've gotten to where we go to my parents' house on Mother's Day, and it's really nice because my dad will cook out something on the grill.

Speaker 1: 26:47

You're not cleaning it back up.

Speaker 3: 26:48

I'm not hosting, but their house is childproof-ish enough for my children. Yeah, I've got backup. I've got extra hands to where my mom will even say Whitney, you need to go sit down and eat. I've got the kids.

Speaker 2: 27:01

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 27:02

You know, yes, so we're getting to that point. We're like you know what? We don't have to go to a restaurant. If you do takeout, fabulous, like whatever you want us to eat, we'll eat, but we go there because it works for everybody and I think that's something people not realize, so my mom gets something and I get something, and it's just nice, it's a good compromise.

Speaker 1: 27:20

It is a good compromise, so if Mother's Day is feeling hard, you're not alone and if it's a friend, reach out right and take time for yourself. But just know that you know what anna intended was an intimate celebration that you felt as a mom mom to be celebrating, loved and that's what we wish for you all right. So happy mother's day to all our listeners and we will see you guys next week see ya, maternal mental health is as important as physical health.

Speaker 2: 27:51

The Preview Alliance podcast was created for and by moms dealing with postpartum depression and all its variables, like anxiety, anger and even apathy. Hosted by CEO founder Sarah Parkhurst and licensed clinical social worker Whitney Gay, each episode focuses on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum. Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges, as well as access tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms. You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time. Please know you're not alone on this journey. We're here to help.