Speaker 1: 0:10

Hey guys, this is Sarah. Welcome back to Pretty Alliance Podcast. This week I am hosting Paige Johnson. Paige is a marketing consultant, Amazon bestselling author, community builder, Mama Too, and now podcast host herself, and she is here to talk about her journey in motherhood, being labeled as a millennial mom, and how her own experience with maternal mental health led her to help empower moms. So stay tuned, All right, guys. Welcome. And Paige, I'm so happy my listeners, they just learned about you, so let's dive in. My friend.

Speaker 2: 0:49

I'm so excited and thank you so much for having me here. I had like a whole countdown planned. I am ready for this.

Speaker 1: 1:08

And give us the details of why we've connected today and sharing your story, which I know is going to impact listeners, but really just help us out.

Speaker 2: 1:13

Yeah. So, as mentioned, hello everyone, my name is Paige, so the way that we connected was really normalizing the conversation of the hot messes and beautiful shit shows that we go through as moms, as parents, as women. So, for me, community is what's super important to me, and really changing the narrative by starting the conversation is a humongous focus. It's always been impact over influence for me and I feel like a lot of the things that I've gone through although things I wouldn't wish on a lot of people it's things that I truly feel like need to be talked about because it's not talked about enough. So the way that we really connected and dove into this conversation is the commonality of miscarriage, unfortunately.

Speaker 2: 1:57

So I'm a mom of two. I have a almost six-year-old named Jacob and almost two-year-old named Jade a almost six-year-old named Jacob and almost two-year-old named Jade. But in between those pregnancies I was really hype and excited about building communities and empowering millennials, and I was writing a book and it was an Amazon bestseller and I felt like I was starting to really figure things out. Life was very much aligned and then life just slapped me in the face and I experienced a miscarriage which definitely rocked me as someone who's never experienced depression, never experienced real loss, and through that change and through that growth and through time of healing and talking about it and normalizing that conversation, it's kind of led me full circle to building a new community, a podcast and community called More Than a Mom.

Speaker 2: 2:41

Full circle to building a new community, a podcasting community called More Than a Mom, and it's really aimed to support moms' identities and celebrate our identities outside of motherhood. Normalizing the shit shows we go through our experiences and really giving the middle finger to society's expectations of how we should do things. And one thing that I love what you're doing is society tells us not to talk about a lot of these things. Don't talk about what we're doing. As a mom, you need to just survive, you need to make things happen, can't be sick, you can't be sad, you can't be hungry, you can't be anything, and I'm really trying to break that narrative and have those open conversations but also celebrate the fact that we are moms and all these other things.

Speaker 1: 3:24

I love that. And then you know miscarriage is such an important topic, it's taboo. And you know, my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I have had a miscarriage again after I've had a successful pregnancy. And someone once asked me they said what do you think would have been? You know which was the worst of two. Both are horrible, right.

Speaker 3: 3:45

And.

Speaker 1: 3:45

I said you know, I think for me I had so much bliss and hope going into a pregnancy Right and like, because no one talks about it openly, you just assume you get that positive pregnancy test If everything's fine. We're not even talking about the infertility journey, that can happen to a lot of us. But so you get pregnant and you just like assume a baby is going to be at the end, right, and when it doesn't, it rushes and it takes. I was like I tell people I'm like it takes joy and bliss and like you're not naive anymore of like the worst outcome because it happened to you Right.

Speaker 1: 4:23

And so when I had another miscarriage, when I'd actually well, I've had my oldest, we had another miscarriage and they're like, well, how was, how was your coping? And I said I've never, from that first miscarriage, believed I would fully carry another child. And I said so I protected myself. So I said I think my first experience of miscarriage was more impactful to me because, again, I just assumed everything was going to be okay and then from the rest of the pregnancies on, I always assumed it wasn't. So it is that carpet pulled out from you and you're left and everybody's trying to tell you all the horrible gaslighting comments that they say when trying to be nice and you're left going? Am I the only woman in this world who's lost a baby?

Speaker 2: 5:12

A hundred percent. It's so true and I think I resonate so much because when I had my son, there is no plan of like, oh, we're going to get pregnant. We literally got married, bought a home, pregnant all in two months. It was like extreme adulting. But we had been together for 10 years at that point, so it was almost like the universe was like get it together. So when I found out I was pregnant, it was such like an identity shift for me because I was thinking can I do this? Can we handle this? Can we whatever? And I had such a beautiful pregnancy experience Like I had one of those like really cookie cutter. I was like I love being pregnant.

Speaker 2: 5:49

It's so amazing.

Speaker 3: 5:50

And.

Speaker 2: 5:50

I had a C-section. I recovered well, everything was fine, and we always had this plan of having this four year gap and all of the things. Then, when COVID hit, it kind of adjusted our mindset. It wasn't so much of like we need to have all these things. It's really family. So a lot of manifestation, a lot of prayer.

Speaker 2: 6:14

I had an IUD and I was so like gung ho of like pregnancy. My body was literally starting to reject the IUD. It was crazy. So when I found out that I was pregnant, I had that same energy, because you go in with an expectation of like you have this, it's going to just why would it not be like the first might be a little rough, but it's going to be okay? And I think my experience with my miscarriage was really weird, because I felt like something was wrong and the doctors wouldn't see me because it was COVID. So they're like you need to wait until you're eight weeks. And I'm like listen, I've been pregnant before. Something just feels off. And they're like no, no, you're okay.

Speaker 2: 6:49

And the worst thing was I went to use the bathroom. This is something that people like don't talk about, so definitely trigger warning. But I went to use the bathroom and I like look in the toilet and I see like blood and I see like this little piece and I literally lost it. It was like 11 o'clock at night. My husband was up, my son was sleeping and I'm just crying, losing my mind, like I lost the baby and I'm like why? I was literally zero to a hundred and I called like that virtual doctor, like that 24 hour doctor line, and like crying, losing it, crying to my husband, calling my mom, and they're like this happened, happened, but like maybe you didn't miscarry, and I'm like I see my baby in the toilet, like I was losing. They're like no, no, no, maybe you didn't miscarry, like maybe you did, maybe you didn't, but like you don't know. So it was. You're kind of like left with like waiting to the morning to see the doctor and what was so hard was the next day I go to see the doctor and we do the whole ultrasound and they're like everything's fine, you didn't miscarry.

Speaker 2: 7:50

So I went through the trauma of loss and then I see the ultrasound everything is fine. They said there was something like a pocket of blood that like drained out or something like that, and the baby's fine. They're like look, you can see this, you can see this, whatever. It's just early, but everything is fine. And they said come back in 10 days. We're going to do another checkup, but you're good, just be happy.

Speaker 2: 8:11

So it was weird, because you fight with yourself when you feel like you truly know yourself and then you are wrong, but you're happy, you're happy, you're wrong. And then so I stayed positive, but something in the back of my mind was like I don't know, I feel like they don't know, but maybe, and I'll never forget going into the ultrasound office and I just like a big energy person, I just felt the energy shift. And then she started asking me about medication. Have you been taking medication? Have you been in a high stress thing? Have you been whatever? And all I remember is like kind of moving up a bit and all I saw was just pieces of the baby like in the screen and it like internally broke me.

Speaker 2: 8:55

But I had an issue, especially then with like this whole perfection thing. And she looks at me and she's like I'm so sorry, but you know, everything happened for a reason. And she's like I'm so sorry, but you know, everything happened for a reason and it's okay, you can try again. And then me with my customer service voice. I'm like, yeah, like no problem, like thank you for letting me know it's okay. Like got to pick up my son from school and that was where it was like the shift, because no one one was talking about miscarriage, they just told me the baby was fine. I did everything that you feel like Everything right, how you feel. And then seeing those pieces, and already dealing with essentially lost ones, to be told, kind of like just kidding, you're good. And then now the constant images, those pieces you literally see, pieces of your baby, and then they tell you, well, you're going to bleed everything out the next couple of days, come back next week and if not, we've got to do this medication. It's like, it's horrible.

Speaker 1: 9:51

It's horrible, I mean, and it's gut wrenching and I tell I've had. I was the first of my friends who had experienced a miscarriage and I didn't even know family members like some of my family had miscarriages. They'd never spoken about it and I remember very similar experience of going in, not feeling right, being assured it's okay, you're young, it's fine, everybody spots and like I love that you mentioned that bathroom experience because I had that same experience. And then what no one else talks about is every other pregnancy I almost would have trauma, going to just pee and people wouldn't understand that.

Speaker 1: 10:32

I didn't want to look in the toilet, I didn't want to see what I wiped. Honestly, I was honestly held my breath every time I peed because I in back of my head was like once you see it and you've experienced it was, it was triggering and like people didn't get it and I was like even going to the bathroom is hard for me during pregnancy and they're like what do you mean? Like physically, I'm like no, mentally, it's a mind F because I holding my breath and no one talked about that. And then it is the most awkward thing because I did the whole. When they're scanning, I'm sorry, you know, and, like you said, like you almost don't want that person to feel bad, and you're like what? What is happening right now? You know?

Speaker 1: 11:12

you put them before you and you're the one who's losing a baby and then I just got dressed and walked out and like, was in this, and then you're walking through. I had to walk through a waiting area of all these pregnant women, yeah, and like, was in this, and then you're walking through. I had to walk through a waiting area of all these pregnant women, yeah, and I was just like I could feel the tear, like you know I could. I was just like hold it together, sarah, hold it together. When I look back and it's like you said, it's like what am I trying to prove to someone when, literally, I got the most devastating news of my life and there was nobody there to comfort me.

Speaker 1: 11:41

There was nobody there to comfort me. There was nobody there to like process it. Hey, sarah, this is traumatizing, this is a loss Like none of that. It was like go deal with it, sarah, and call us when you get pregnant again. Like no conversation of like. You can have postpartum depression, anxiety, trauma, ptsd, intrusive all these things that happen to women who have, you know, a healthy baby and postpartum. The same thing can happen because our bodies were pregnant and we are now postpartum and so no one told me. And it was the most isolating, depressing chapter of my life.

Speaker 1: 12:24

You know, before I even had severe postpartum depression. I really, truly think a lot of mine started from that miscarriage of unresolved issues that no one talked to me about 100%.

Speaker 2: 12:37

I remember just being so angry. I was angry because I waited a couple days and I'm like when's the doctor gonna call me? Because I had to hear the news, because technically the OB shouldn't even be tell or not. The OB, the ultrasound tech, is right usually to confirm. But because I sat up and saw everything, I'm like when is the doctor gonna call me? I was angry. I was even angry with my husband because I was so broken, I was so hurt. I was very much like why is this happening? And I was so mad that he was so broken, I was so hurt. I was very much like why is this happening? And I was so mad that he was so concerned for me and that he prioritized like how am I feeling? But I'm like we lost a baby. Why are you not screaming? Why are you not whatever? And I just couldn't understand like how he could be so focused on me and I kind of had like a little anger in that sense. But then also I felt like I wasn't being a good mom to my son, because I was trying to do the most for him and bring all the energy for him and all of that, and then he'd go to bed and I'd just spend the whole night crying.

Speaker 2: 13:37

Or I was working in HR, like doing like some HR consulting work at that time, and then I called. I told them I'm going to come in late because I have a doctor's appointment and we're going to check the baby came in How's your doctor's appointment? Told them I miscarried and the owner was like I'm so sorry to hear my wife had a miscarriage. It's really hard to lot to deal with. Um, so what's happening with that account? Did we end up like getting it? And I'm just like, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2: 14:09

And the day after I miscarried, I got a message from an old colleague on Instagram and she's like hey, paige, what's going on? I thought you're going to have a second baby. What's going on with that? Like it was just a one thing after another after another where it was like constantly getting thrown in my face, and I'm always that person that pours into others too. I don't like accept people to pour into me. I was not a very vulnerable person at that time. So what was also hard? I just kept saying I'm fine, I'm fine, everything happens Like to my husband, to my mom I will lose my complete mind but to everyone else I just wouldn't even allow that to happen until I was just like this is not cool.

Speaker 1: 14:48

I'm talking about it now online experiences, because I always tell people this is a club no one wants to be in, but the power is truly sharing and saying I get it and I've been so open. I know you have as well and I'm sure it's it's. I wanted a safe place. I wanted a woman to say I felt that way too, like I. You know. I cried this and it like I wanted to die inside. When I saw my friends do pregnancy announcements, I couldn't go to baby showers either.

Speaker 1: 15:24

For a while I was resentful of my husband because he grieved one way and I grieved another. Like I needed someone on the complete, honest reel to say hey, everything, let it out. You don't have to smile, you don't have to say it's all going to work out if it's meant to, you don't have to say any of that. Yeah, the world wants you to say be mad, sarah, let it, because I was bottling it up so deep inside and it was impacting me. And that's the number one thing that I hope listeners know is that, like you said earlier, we have a right to feel how we feel and express that. We do not have to smile and paint a beautiful, perfect picture when we've literally lost a child or it doesn't have to be even that extreme of grief and loss, right Like just when life is hard, you can say this is hard yeah it's so true, I think we get so, especially in the world of social media.

Speaker 2: 16:19

It's so true, I think we get so, especially in the world of social media. It's like we put the internet before ourselves and that stuff is not cool, you know, and we always want to portray this level of perfection and we're constantly fighting to attain this level of perfection, whether it's within loss, within motherhood, within work, day to day friendships, the comparisons, the self-doubt, everything is just mentally not cool. And I think normalizing those conversations and talking about our experiences, you're right Like sometimes some people I know have miscarried and they're really like well, I miscarried, like it's okay and everyone handles things differently, but in like I say this in the most loving way misery loves company and I really wanted people to be pissed with me because I said the same thing, like being a part of a miscarriage or having a miscarriage or a part of a club that you don't want to be a part of, but you need those members because no one else gets it, you need people to be like angry with. Like I remember I connected with someone that I work with because we miscarried around the same time and we would literally like block time in our calendar and we would discuss what we saw in the toilet Like we would cry, we would bawl our eyes out, we would be angry, we would.

Speaker 2: 17:34

There'd be so many things and it was like really morbid stuff and it needed to be talked about because that was a part of the healing journey and it makes you feel like you're not alone in that whole thing and it's something I still talk about consistently because, although I would say one of the hardest moments in my life, it shaped me to be the person, the woman that I am now, because truly I didn't understand or even like recognize depression or mental health and growing up, even culturally, it's just not a thing, just like this is not what you do. I, unfortunately and like full transparency, those things are commonly looked at as like weakness and you can just deal with it. Everything's fine, like just be happy, go to the spa. And because I've never experienced that stuff and all I know is what I've seen growing up or how you're conditioned to actually feel that, to be like everybody lied to me. This is real, this is not like something that you can just shut off. It allowed me to be more understanding, more compassionate and be able to like recognize the signs of what other people are going through. Because I was just really truly living in oblivion. Like nothing as intense has ever happened to me for me to even recognize or understand someone else suffering. Because even with my first, it was, I won't say like the smoothest new mom experience, but I didn't go into it with like a lot of expectations. I was kind of just like living my life, it's okay, we're gonna have fun, everything's gonna be fine like know a lot.

Speaker 2: 19:10

And after having that miscarriage and it's scaring the hell out of me through my whole second, my third pregnancy sorry with having my daughter I see so much more in people.

Speaker 2: 19:21

My questions are different, my conversations are different, my value for vulnerability is different and I feel like it kind of catapulted me into my purpose of change because I'm fine to speak about these things. I think these conversations are so needed but a lot of people aren't. So the amount of times I'm sure you've heard the same thing of like you're being the voice for a lot of people, because sometimes they don't want to engage but they just need to hear that they're not alone. And after I miscarried and spoke about it for the first time, the amount of people like moms and dads that poured into my ds, that even like grandparents that have been suffering for so long or feeling like they can't talk about it, or feeling like they were alone or it's their fault. It's heartbreaking but also beautiful that we can have these conversations and, like the double-edged sword of social media and this digital world we work in, we live in sorry, it does allow us to foster those connections and, if done right, people feel a lot less alone.

Speaker 1: 20:27

That's so true and I, you know I my miscarriage was back in 2016 and it was still where you know beginnings of social media, right, like it was there. But I remember we had posted it happens this way we went to the beach, we would got the oh, you're okay. After the bleeding scare, I was like, okay, we went to the beach, we did this really cute like I had a water, my husband had a little beer and we had a baby bottle in the sand and put baby humming. We posted it. No lie, I miscarried that week and I remember and this is I can't even imagine because I've trained so much, thankfully for this but I was like so obsessed of what do I do, cause I made that post right. Like do I go back on and say, just kidding, we lost the baby? You know like it was.

Speaker 1: 21:19

I was so fixated on that, yeah, and other people and other people, and I never was like, sarah, you're not okay. It was more of what does other people think? And telling other people right that cause I was 13 weeks, so I was starting to show a little bit, yeah, and so, and here's the thing when you lose a child, you know your body looks that way and thinks it is pregnant for a good minute. And that is something no one wants to talk about either, of getting those comments or asking and you're just like I lost the baby.

Speaker 1: 21:54

I lost the baby. I'm still feeling nauseous, but I've lost this baby. You know all those kinds of things. So I just remembered that and I look back and I'm like Sarah, you should have not cared or you should have been just vulnerable and probably reached, and people would have been like I'm so sorry, but sometimes you don't even want to hear the sorry, right? You just want someone to be like I've been there, like, versus the sorry, because it makes people uncomfortable if they've not been there. Let's talk about that too.

Speaker 2: 22:20

Like people get really weird about mental health in general, but when it's a mom and it's a baby loss, it is just the comments that come out of the woodwork is like insane true and also I think what made me think is how common it is for us to see someone, let's say, been in a relationship or getting married and be like so when's the baby coming? Or when you have a first, when's baby number two? I 100% was like that because it's just what we do and that also shifted me of like, unless you're in someone's really like day to day or you have have that relationship, do not have the entitlement to ask those questions because you don't know what that answer is going to be like. Like if someone is bringing that up to you or maybe don't be so direct about it. But people were asking me all the time like when's baby number two? And I'm like, oh, I lost that baby last week and they're so uncomfortable and I just don't care, because people who have lost a child, people who are doing all they can to have a child or have been trying to have a child, like you're putting them in this whole mindset of either reliving or feeling the pressure to explain or things like that. So I think it's also being mindful who you're asking these questions to, because you don't know what they're dealing with.

Speaker 2: 23:37

Like I said, said someone asked me about baby number two that I haven't spoken to in years again, an innocent question that I used to ask all the time. But I think we also have to be okay with people being uncomfortable, because who really gives a shit what we're going through? We're actually suffering and we're worried about someone being uncomfortable for a question that's kind of none of their business. Especially, though, like if it's a close friend, family member, different. But strangers would be like, wow, your son's so cute. Like when are you going to have another one? Like who, who are you, you know, and we need to just truly, I truly no longer care.

Speaker 2: 24:13

If you're going to say when, like now, I have two kids, when you have baby number three, I'm like, well, one, I'm done. But say when, like now, I have two kids, when you have baby number three, I'm like, well, one, I'm done. But I will say I will tell everybody, anyone that's bringing it up, I will bring up the miscarriage, I'll bring up the loss, I'll bring up everything that came with it. One, to normalize the conversation. But two, you should, you should be uncomfortable and whatever you're, and we can't be worried about that. And, yes, you get the. Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry, or it was meant to be this way. I don't, we don't need to hear that. It's just like when people were miscarrying before.

Speaker 2: 24:45

I would say I already know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better, to feel okay, especially as someone who has gone through that. But like, if you ever need to just sit in silence, I'm here. If you need to bitch, I'm here. You need me to Uber Eats for you? I got you that kind of thing of I can just be whatever you need me to be, whether it is infant loss, which I've experienced, whether it's postpartum depression, whether it's your kids just doing the most. Be there, for, however, that person needs you to be there. You don't even need to offer direct solutions. It's like what do you need from me? You don't need anything? Fine, you know I'm here. You need to just sit. There's no pressure for you to perform with me. I'm your person, you know. So it's not about you, it's about the person suffering.

Speaker 1: 25:31

I love that and you know it made me think too. So, like you know, if people I think motherhood in general, they're very uncomfortable and I've said this in a lot. It was actually a LinkedIn post speaking of social media that kind of got a lot of attention. That I made was because depression during pregnancy, right, is under the perinatal mood, anxiety disorder, umbrella maternal mental health and 50% of moms who experienced postpartum depression it started during pregnancy, right. So it goes back to uncomfortableness of people not wanting a woman, then a mother. You know, any stage of trying to get pregnant, to postpartum, to say she is not okay, right. So society has shut us down of that's not what a good mom is, that's not what social media wants to hear, you know. And so we internalize that so much. Even how we've grown in this generation of moms, right, our parents, grandparents didn't really talk about mental health, right. And here we are thrusted into social media comparison crazy, and people are uncomfortable with us not being okay, and then we're internalizing, but we're still experiencing.

Speaker 1: 26:42

That's why I tell people I'm like all these factors does not stop the fact that you can be depressed, you can be anxious, you can have PTSD from pregnancy and loss and trauma from birth. Like you can't have all these things in your experience and people around you like it or not. They need to recognize it. And that is the biggest just in. People are like you know you're right, it makes me uncomfortable to think of like, oh, a pregnant mom depressed. Or it makes me uncomfortable to think about postpartum psychoses. Or it makes me uncomfortable to think of like, oh, a pregnant mom depressed. Or it makes me uncomfortable to think about postpartum psychoses. Or it makes me uncomfortable. I'm like okay, so that's your problem, that you're uncomfortable, that's not her problem.

Speaker 3: 27:20

That's not my problem, you know.

Speaker 1: 27:22

So that is just something that I think no one again is really saying. Look, this generation of moms, we were dealt a card that has a lot of things in there, and so when we're trying to break it, thankfully you're building a community for this of like. Come on, we're all in this together.

Speaker 2: 27:39

Let's be open and real, right, like who cares what they say Exactly A hundred percent, and I think it's like respecting the fact of we're all going through this and, yes, not everybody wants to have that voice to talk about it, and it's okay, but we need to be supporting those voices and supporting those spaces. And I think, with what you're saying, we are in this generation where we are normalizing the conversation of mental health, but what's unfortunate and especially me working in like marketing and social for years now it's also being combated with perfectionism. So the issue that I have with a lot of things online is a lot of people will speak to mental health as an after, as like the success story of. I was struggling, but I made it. I'm here, I went through all this stuff, but look at me now. Everything is okay. It's not that this is something everybody needs to do, but one thing that I value, and especially if someone's looking to build community. It's not that this is something everybody needs to do, but one thing that I value, and especially if someone's looking to build community, it's important to bring people on the journey, but it's important to be authentic and truly what you went through and focus on that.

Speaker 2: 28:45

Even if you're sharing the actor, really prioritize what actually got you there? Because a lot of people will do these three jot notes of how their mental health was impacted. But then it's like a look at me now. But like, what did you go through? How did you go through this? Who supported you in this? What was your mental state Like? Bring us, even if it's a one post thing, bring us through that experience with you, because hearing I went through this and I'm like, wow, that's so relatable. But now I'm here. It's like, but wait, how did where's my roadmap? Like, how do I get there? Because we do have to recognize, not a lot of people want to talk about what they went through, and that's fine.

Speaker 2: 29:21

A lot of people prefer to suffer in silence, but they're looking for podcasts or looking to influencers or looking to friends to be that voice, whether they want to speak up or not. But those people who do have a voice, they, if you're going to take that on, you need to not do things for social media. You really need to understand what you're speaking to and and worry about impact over influence. What impact are you trying to make? Not just getting all these followers and all of these things. It's like, how are you really helping people, because you went through this journey. You're still going through this journey. How can you bring people on and actually save them or help them or point them in that right direction and not normalize? Parenting is just this beautiful thing.

Speaker 2: 30:05

And mental health? We all kind of get through on the other side and we're all like shitting rainbows. That's not, it's not how it is. And social media, which is something that we're also involved in we speak to mental health but we prioritize perfection, and that's not cool, because that perfection that becomes prioritized and normalized. It impacts our mental health even more, because you can have mental health struggles, but you got to look perfect while you're doing it and you got to have an after story, and that's not normal and that's not motivating or helpful for people tuning in.

Speaker 1: 30:37

No, and I love that you said that, because I have been so open that and I think this is something that it's not talked about as well but I, before the miscarriage, before postpartum depression, I didn't struggle with depression or anxiety and I feel like once I have experienced depression and anxiety, it's almost opened something up in my mental health. I'm more susceptible to things now and like I have to actively work on my mental health as a mom and I don't know if it's those neurons made those certain pathways that it's like you know, I don't know, I need to do more research of like.

Speaker 1: 31:16

I know that now I had to say okay, sarah, this feel you're experiencing anxiety, right, like, what do you actually do when you're feeling that? Or if you're starting to think this certain way, you know having these thoughts. What do you? You know, stop yourself or reframe?

Speaker 1: 31:31

or be open about it. And just you know, having these thoughts, what do you, you know, stop yourself or refrain or be open about it. And just you know, I talked to him with my one of my best friends recently. I was like I'm not doing great, you know, and this is how I'm feeling, and I do think everybody's kind of like, once you have been so open about your mental health, they're like I don't want you to ever get back to that severe place where I was suicidal for a specific part of it. I'm like I'm not that place anymore, but I still need help with my mental health and I need support. And so think moms too.

Speaker 1: 32:04

Once you have overcome something no one talks about, like that experience is not greater or better than like what you're experiencing now. Like both things can be challenging for you, right, it's not like well, you've overcome that, so this little situation shouldn't be a big deal to you. You know, I've heard that kind of language before and again. It's just like I guess back to perfectionism, or like celebration of like. I've seen some influencers. They're just like want to post a big bad thing, right, and it's like a light clickbait thing and it's almost a comparison of like who's worse and it's like whoa, what are we doing here? To like that's happened and I'm like? That is not the point of this conversation at all. It is just to say if I'm having a hard time with my mental health, I can be open about it. I know what tool that I have in my toolbox to fix that. I know safe spaces, I know where to turn to support and I wouldn't want you to do the same thing. Not like you know, I'm never going to be clickbait.

Speaker 2: 32:58

Yeah, I think it's like the worst. I hate the. I got through X, y, z, so type mental health and you're going to get my guide to whatever. Just give me your email and do whatever. I completely get. Things are a business, I get. It's a business. I think, going back to like the conversation of marketing and social media, that people need to prioritize community first and build that trust.

Speaker 2: 33:22

And, like you said, anyone who's going through anything when it comes towards their mental health is recognizing where do you turn and it doesn't matter how horrible of a state that we were in. You're constantly working towards things. You're constantly triggered and being someone like in your space that you pour into others. You truly, genuinely want to help people. You're looking to make impact in you doing that and you having these conversations, for example, how you and I connected. Although we're having a conversation to normalize things, you're now being forced to relive that experience and we're going to end this call and you're going to think back to something that you had gone through. So, even as someone that, yes, might be in a better space if you're supporting others, you're still bringing yourself back into that space and being able to continuously have those open conversations back into that space and being able to continuously have those open conversations, those safe spaces, journaling, therapy, going for a walk, just taking like. We have to normalize, like motherhood is a really it's like I call it a beautiful shit show, it's a hot ass mess, and like I love being a mom. But sometimes you just truly need a break, you need a second and you need to figure out what works for you. And we also have to normalize these three to five tips to better your mental health, or 10 tips to overcome your miscarriage laws.

Speaker 2: 34:37

Take everything with a grain of salt because you have to figure out what works for you. It's the same thing like health and wellness and fitness, doing this one exercise. We all, hundreds of us can't do it. We're not all going to have like this beach body. You got to take from different things, take from different experiences and forums and people and friends and families, like what works for you.

Speaker 2: 34:57

But I think the hardest thing to do is start and when you're going through miscarriage loss, in reference to this conversation or anything with like the mental health, whatever you taking that step to start, whether it's talking about it asking for help, journaling, looking at yourself in the mirror like all right, what are we doing? That's the hardest part, because you can chill, you literally can just sit in it and be in this dark hole. But you're taking that first step and we all seem to normalize. What does success look like? Because success, we think of it as this just the end result, the after, the. I'm no longer suffering. But for anyone who's listening to this, that is suffering, understand. You are making that start and that needs to be celebrated.

Speaker 2: 35:38

You tuning into this podcast, knowing what this conversation is about? This is you starting this? Is you continuing to heal? This? Is you making these moves because it's easy, it's convenient to sit in it? Because you're so broken, you're so hurt, you're so lost, why not just sit in it? Because you're so broken, you're so hurt, you're so lost, why not just sit in your own shit show like, why not?

Speaker 2: 35:56

but you're not you're here, so you should celebrate whoever's listening, celebrate yourself, celebrate your growth, celebrate your step, celebrate us, ignoring the outside noise and doing it truly for us yes, for our kids, for our friends, partner, whatever, but like we're tunnel visioning on us because if we're good, everyone's so much better.

Speaker 1: 36:18

Oh, I love that and I know that you're going to breathe into life so many moms and they're going to get it and I'm so excited. I listened to your podcast this morning on my walk and I was like you know what? Yes, and I've read your book because my listeners know this. Sarah has an issue with failure and I love that. Failing fast and is okay and just breaking again. I think you know I'd love to have you back with a different conversation about just the reframe of perfectionism and motherhood and society expectations, all that stuff. But we want to make sure our listeners know how to engage with you. So tell them about the podcast, where to follow you and where we'll link everything. So if you guys are in the carpool, you're like Sarah, I ain't got no pen and paper, but just hang on, we'll got you in the show notes but just tell them where to find you.

Speaker 2: 37:06

Yeah. So, as we've mentioned, my newest venture is this podcast and community called More Than a Mom. So on Instagram it's More Than a Mom TV podcast is available anywhere you listen to your podcast and it's super authentic, straight up to the point, like I said, celebrating moms outside of the identity of motherhood and giving the middle finger to society's expectations of how we should do things. And, as mentioned, I wrote a book. I have an Amazon bestseller back. I think I wrote this in 2020.

Speaker 2: 37:33

So a mix of miscarriage time, unfortunately, but near and dear to my heart. That's available on amazonca, amazoncom, and it's called Break Fear the Bullshit a millennial empowerment guide, and really what that is. It's a lot of those self help books. We have them, we've read them, but this is more than that. It's not like a hold your hand, you could do it. It's very much like why are you not doing it? It's also a workbook to kind of help you pull out your toxic traits and pull out yourself, your family, your relationship and things like that.

Speaker 2: 38:07

And I wrote that in a very different time in my life, where I'm like do whatever you want, say whatever you want, and I kind of revisit that book, although I'm such a different person now. I need that old me because, as I'm older, more seasoned mom, working, adulting, all of that stuff Sometimes you need that old energy of like I'm just going to do it and I'll figure it out. So that's where you could find me message me, dm me anything at any time, because I'm always open to talk about these conversations and I just want moms to feel good, to feel heard, to feel seen, because I know what it's like to again suffer in silence and want people to do these things for you, but I can't actually tell them what I want. So I'm just so happy I could have been here. So thank you again for this opportunity.

Speaker 1: 38:48

Oh, I loved it. And before you leave, we ask all our guests this and then we have heard any answers, so I preface no wrong answer. Okay, you could go back and Paige now seasoned mother, been through some stuff We've. We've got those stripes of of honor on us. Yeah Well, would you tell Paige when you first got that pregnancy test about motherhood what do you wish you could tell her to prepare her that you know now.

Speaker 2: 39:13

For my first pregnancy test.

Speaker 2: 39:16

Oh, that's a good question. I think I would tell myself simply like you got this really, because when I found out I was pregnant, I doubted everything. I am like not going to be a good mom. I Uber eats too much, I swear too much, I don't care about this, I want to travel. I'm not a good influence, I'm not all of these things, and I cared so much about everyone else and what they thought of me. So I would tell myself you got this. And I would also tell myself don't hold on to the statement of super mom, don't strive for that, because it's not real and it's gonna mess you up which it messed me up, but that's for a whole other conversation.

Speaker 1: 40:00

We will have that conversation. Trust me messed, I messed me up and it messed a lot of us up and we'll have that. But I love that page and we love you and we'll make sure our listeners all along with you and we'll have you back. But thank you for breathing a fresh air for us. It means I'm vulnerable and like I love that. You said that because I tell people all the time they're like Sarah, I want to talk about things. I want to. I said listen, you have to get in a space. And I said it's not every day Am I in that space. I said and you won't be either every day. And I said some days you will and some days you won't, and you have to. That's being mental health aware and self-aware. And so I always tell people if you want to advocate, if you want to join the conversation, your time will come and I'm so happy that your time has came, paige and is, and it's conversations that need to be had.

Speaker 2: 40:54

I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful for you and all the amazing work that you're doing and everyone who is listening. You also have this like just be present in your emotions, be present in the shit show, but just be present because you're making the step of starting. So shout out to you.

Speaker 1: 41:11

That's wonderful. We'll end there. Okay, guys, we'll be back next week. Have a great week.

Speaker 3: 41:17

Maternal mental health is as important as physical health. The Preview Alliance podcast was created for and by moms dealing with postpartum depression and all its variables, like anxiety, anger and even apathy. Hosted by CEO founder Sarahah parkhurst and licensed clinical social worker whitney gay, each episode focus on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum. Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges, as well as access tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms. You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time. Please know you're not alone on this journey. We're here to help.