Previa Alliance Podcast
There are few experiences as universal to human existence as pregnancy and childbirth, and yet its most difficult parts — perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs) — are still dealt with in the shadows, shrouded in stigma. The fact is 1 in 5 new and expecting birthing people will experience a PMAD, yet among those who do many are afraid to talk about it, some are not even aware they’re experiencing one, and others don’t know where to turn for help. The fact is, when someone suffers from a maternal mental health disorder it affects not only them, their babies, partners, and families - it impacts our communities.
In the Previa Alliance Podcast series, Sarah Parkhurst and Whitney Gay are giving air to a vastly untapped topic by creating a space for their guests — including survivors of PMADs and healthcare professionals in maternal mental health — to share their experiences and expertise openly. And in doing so, Sarah and Whitney make it easy to dig deep and get real about the facts of perinatal mental health, fostering discussions about the raw realities of motherhood. Not only will Previa Alliance Podcast listeners walk away from each episode with a sense of belonging, they’ll also be armed with evidence-based tools for healing, coping mechanisms, and the language to identify the signs and symptoms of PMADs — the necessary first steps in a path to treatment. The Previa Alliance Podcast series is intended for anyone considering pregnancy, currently pregnant, and postpartum as well as the families and communities who support them.
Sarah Parkhurst
Previa Alliance Podcast Co-host; Founder & CEO of Previa Alliance
A postpartum depression survivor and mom to two boys, Sarah is on a mission to destigmatize the experiences of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), and to educate the world on the complex reality of being a mom. Sarah has been working tirelessly to bring to light the experiences of women who have not only suffered a maternal mental health crisis but who have survived it and rebuilt their lives. By empowering women to share their own experiences, by sharing expert advice and trusted resources, and by advocating for health care providers and employers to provide support for these women and their families, Sarah believes as a society we can minimize the impact of the current maternal mental health crisis, while staving off future ones.
Whitney Gay
Previa Alliance Podcast Co-host; licensed clinician and therapist
For the past ten years, Whitney has been committed to helping women heal from the trauma of a postpartum mental health crisis as well as process the grief of a miscarriage or the loss of a baby. She believes that the power of compassion paired with developing critical coping skills helps moms to heal, rebuild, and eventually thrive. In the Previa Alliance Podcast series, Whitney not only shares her professional expertise, but also her own personal experiences of motherhood and recovery from grief.
Follow us on Instagram @Previa.Alliance
Previa Alliance Podcast
You're Not Failing at Life... It Just Can Be That Hard
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How do you keep it all together when life's curveballs seem never-ending? Join us as we unravel practical strategies for managing overwhelming stress and release those pent-up emotions. Learn about the invisible load mothers often carry, the importance of setting boundaries, and why sometimes saying "no" is a necessary act of self-care.
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Keep the questions coming by sending them to info@previaalliance.com or DM us on Instagram!
Navigating Life's Overwhelming Challenges
Speaker 1hey guys , welcome back to PreviewLines podcast . This is Sarah and I'm with your favorite maternal mental health therapist , whitney . Hey friends , okay , whitney , not a shocker to you and probably our listeners that they've been around for a while , but but we have life at life's and it seems to take turns on us . Sometimes we both go through it together , but it seems sometimes that when things are happening , they all happen at once and they don't stop .
Speaker 1Yeah , life is lifing and I had this thought the other day . I said you know , am I just like failing at all this , or is it really just that hard ? I'm going to say it's just that hard , yeah , and I thought you know this can be so relevant to everybody that's listening , right , because we do not choose . I mean some things .
Speaker 1We , you know we're like oh yeah , I can see how that led to that , but a lot of things that happen in our lives . You don't choose for that loved one to get sick or to pass . You don't choose for your child to have a bully or a learning issue or an unexpected bill to hit or your boss to reach you a certain way , or for you to experience postpartum depression , you know , when you now have three other kids . Or for you to get in that fender bender when you're just trying to , you know , get a Starbucks before we're working at all spirals Right , and it seems that these things , when they do happen , they come in like threes or something and then it tends to .
Speaker 1You know what happens with me , and recently we have had three people in our immediate family and have some really scary health issues and I found myself going . I don't stop being a mom during this . I don't stop running Previa during this . I don't stop being a daughter , a wife , a friend paying bills . You know , life keeps going on , walking by your neighbor and they're like , hey , how are you ? You're just like great .
Speaker 2You know , you're just barely keeping my head above water here , friends .
Speaker 1Right . So I think it's just important conversation to say is like OK , whitney , what do we do when it is not ending ? And you're just like at some point you get so tapped out and you're just like I just don't know if I can handle much more .
Speaker 2Right ? Well , I think part of it is we need to get it out . We don't need to keep that in . And by getting it out , you don't necessarily have to do a therapy session , obviously . You can but talk to a friend , go sit in your car and scream , go to the rage room , go for a run , go get a workout , and you've got to get it out . You've got to get it out , and that is one of the few things that we can control . Controlling the controllable is big .
Speaker 1Right .
Speaker 2And so I would say find a way to get it out . Realize that you're allowed to have these feelings of anger , grief , depression , anxiety , all of that stuff , and I would encourage you always talk with your doctor about if you should or should not add this . But I would assume , if life is getting hard , that sleep is not very good because it's an increase in your stress . Therefore our cortisol spikes , Therefore our sleep is off kilter and all of that can have a lot of health ramifications . But one more natural supplement that you can have is magnesium .
Speaker 1I love magnesium I do too .
Speaker 2I've actually been . Since I was diagnosed with anemia , I've added magnesium to my supplements . My sleep is so much better . My sleep is significantly better . So anyone who's listening to this always talk with your doctor . Make sure there's not a complication that could be there from that . But magnesium is something that you might be able to take that's more natural than like a Unisom or just a sleep aid . Get better sleep .
Speaker 1I love it and I started taking it because when I had the hysterectomy , I went into menopause and so the magnesium I was struggling with sleeping because of like hot flashes , and she's an older woman that she was like you need magnesium , honey , and I was like , oh , and I researched and I was like , absolutely , so , that's definitely something . One thing I think we struggle with as women in general and mothers is this we carry out like a heavy invisible load , right , and so you do it , and it's hard for other people to see it , right , but when you do have life , that keeps throwing at you and it makes that invisible load so much heavier it's heavy already .
Speaker 1Yes , but now you're dealing with family crisis . Extra , then , all those like mental lists that you have in your head that you do every day to keep your house functioning and your children moving from . Even did I buy toilet paper to ? Did I send that form in to ? Did I pay that bill to ? You know , restocking all those tiny little things that you do on a day to day that mental energy that you put towards that .
Speaker 1Then when you have some other situations that come in , that's pulling from that . It's like the straw that can break the camel's back .
Speaker 2Absolutely , it is .
Speaker 1And then you're like why is replacing the toilet paper making me want to have a breakdown right now ?
Speaker 2And it's one more thing for you to have to deal with . Yeah , and you're trying to deal with it .
Speaker 1And I think one thing too that I've had to learn in this season of just a lot of bad happening with health and just you know , we even just house stuff . You've been there too , whitney , with your house . Like you , sometimes you can't control when an AC goes out or hot water goes out , all these things , or you find mold or whatever it is is saying no to a lot of extras right now in this season . I've had to do a lot of boundaries .
Speaker 2Right and you're allowed to have those boundaries .
Speaker 1And I've had to say I've learned this recently , and I think you have too is if you don't rest , if you don't take care of yourself , your body will force you to .
Speaker 2Yes , yep , your body will . You'll get sick potentially , and it could be , you know , cold . It could be stomach bug , which I get it Like . We're exposed to viruses . Sickness happens , but our immune systems take a huge hit when we're stressed and so we're more susceptible to those things . And so chances are something that could be a routine head cold turns into an upper respiratory infection , turns into pneumonia , things of that nature .
Speaker 2It's escalated or you start having other health issues . So , like endocrine system is very tightly associated with our immune system , you can start to have thyroid problems . Yeah , you know again I mentioned this a minute ago your cortisol spikes and if it stays up high , that wreaks havoc on your endocrine system . So , again , thyroid anemia is something that can get involved with that . You may notice that you're gaining weight rapidly because of that and you don't understand the why . Behind it . It's your stress and your body is in a fight or flight mode , and so when it does that , it's also in a hoarding mode . So guess what ? It's going to hoard all of these nutrients because it thinks , oh my gosh , what if we ? What if we can't find food soon ? Yeah , and again , bad sleep contributes to that as well , and stress makes sleep hard no , that all that all makes sense .
Speaker 1And you know , I , you , almost you give , give , give so much to your children and to your job and to your friends . And then you know I think I was hearing this other day and they're like you know there are . Sometimes we have nothing left to give and I don't know if I've really understood that until I become a mom and a wife and run a business . And then these unfortunate , unforeseen circumstances happen and you're like I was just like well , what do you mean ? You can't just check on somebody . What do you mean ? You can't just text somebody back ? What do you mean ? You just didn't follow through with that . And that's my type of personality
Navigating Life's Emotional Challenges
Speaker 1. But I find myself sometimes being like full intention want to right , just don't have the ability to right , you don't have it in you and you don't have the bandwidth .
Speaker 1Yeah yeah , and that is something of your capacity and bandwidth and saying you know I think you'll go back to your priorities of like , okay , okay , food , shelter , you know water , your family , like what matter . You focus in what you control , controllable . In these situations , you know it's a season If you have to say no to things and you're like I just mentally can't do it .
Speaker 1I think that there's no guilt , no shame , yeah , permission to say no , permission to rest , a permission to say , you know , I need to prioritize my mental health . Today that looks like X for me . Or that looks like going for a walk and then listening to podcasts or just meditating , or that looks like , you know , I would love to go out with you girls . But like I'm already at this point that if I know , if I don't sleep well and I come in late , the kids get up early , I can't go through that next day , you know . And then let's talk about reframing , because it's easy for me and many others . When life keeps life in Whitney , those thoughts can get catastrophic , they can spiral . You can get back to if you've struggled with depression and anxiety before . I think it's easy to sometimes see yourself , yeah . So how do we kind of reframe when we notice it's getting ?
Speaker 2to us , right ? Well , remind yourself . It's normal that it gets to you . I've said this in another episode . But we're not robots , we're humans . You're not supposed to be able to go through these things unaffected . So , with that , normalize that this impacts you , because it should . If it didn't impact you , I have concerns that there's no empathy . That's a whole nother can of worms of a conversation . But if you have absolutely no empathy towards this which is not the same as dark humor , because dark humor is a defense mechanism that actually means we do feel it on a deep level and we're just trying to protect ourselves from losing it all oh , okay so , speaking from personal experience , having worked in a hospital , dark humor is a defense mechanism oh my gosh medical people .
Speaker 2I mean , I mean , I hate to say that if you don't laugh about it , you'll cry about it and it breaks you . But to get back to how do we cope with the you know , worst case scenario thinking ? Tell yourself , ok , this is bad , this is unfortunate . However , it's not necessarily going to end up like that , or I mean , a lot of our listeners know like my grandfather and father-in-law died a month apart and they were both in hospice care . So ultimately , that worst case scenario of them dying was a reality , and I knew that because they were in hospice care . But I also could tell myself , ok , they're not going to have a painful death , they're not going to have a traumatic death for them , they will truly go to sleep , they will go to sleep . Their death for them in that moment is not as physically painful for them as it is for me . Right , and so , even if you know that the worst case scenario actually is valid , remind yourself if it's like my situation , it is harder on you than it is that person .
Speaker 1Yeah , and that's important . I think you know grief is so complicated and the stages of grief and , like you can , grief doesn't just appear at a loss of a person , right . It's a situation or a loss of a business , or financial loss , or an expectation or an well , all these things , right . So grief can appear in a lot of part of our lives and no one teaches you how to grieve , right ? There's not a rule book of this is how you grieve . There's not . And so you sometimes don't even know how you grieve .
Speaker 1And I feel I can even say this you will grieve differently in different situations of your life , absolutely . And if you know how you grieve when you is , you know young and single and you know your life , versus now you're married and have kids or pregnant . Or you know young and single and you know your life , versus now you're married and have kids or pregnant , or you know you've lost your spouse , whatever , you're going to grieve differently . You're going to have different coping mechanisms and you're not going to have , like , the ability to sometimes just be like I need to go away for a day and just cry .
Speaker 2Right , right . So that being said , it said you're not failing when these things are hard or consuming or overwhelming . Life is hard . There is not a guidebook or a rule book to say this is how you're supposed to handle it , which also tells me that there's not a wrong way to do it , as long as we're not harming ourselves or someone else .
Speaker 1And that's a whole thing , right . It's like coping mechanisms of what do you fall back to when life gets hard , what is your patterns , what maybe has been demonstrated to you when you were a child and you've generationally brought with you . You know that's a different conversation , right , brought with you . You know that's a different conversation , right , as if it's involving substances and alcohol or self-harm or harming someone else . But it is saying , okay , when I'm feeling this way , what are some ways I can actually do right ? And that could be if I can't get my mind to quit thinking certain ways . Can I ground ? Can I stop that pathway ? Can I get something cold to drink ? Can I walk outside ? Can I smell something like a candle ? Can I cold plunge ? Can you know , right , like what can I physically do to kind of stop that ? And then is it I need to remove myself from situations , right .
Speaker 2Or again , we talked about this in other episodes Do we need to decrease our social media intake ? Are we dissociating and scrolling ? You know ?
Speaker 1what boundaries do we need ?
Speaker 2to have in place for that , because , especially when we are going through challenging times , we want to dissociate , because life is hard . Yeah , you know , avoiding is a huge defense mechanism .
Speaker 1You know , avoiding is a huge defense mechanism , a hundred percent , and it's , I think , having that safe person and that can be your therapist , that can be your friend , that could be you know community , whoever that you're just open with . I think it's a lot to carry alone of saying I'm struggling . I said that to Whitney recently . I was like I'm just not okay , whitney , and that person that should not scare them , that should not make them back away , but it's like you're letting them in on a heart in your life .
Speaker 2Exactly Well , and I think , too , I understood what you meant when you said I'm not doing well . It's not Sarah's going to jump off a cliff , it's that Sarah is overwhelmed . Sarah has burdened me .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's been a lot of once and saying and I knew , and that's the thing , because if someone just randomly texts you , I'm not okay , I'm , you know . Yes , If you have no background to that , we're asking you to get background . We're not talking about that situation . Whitney was very much aware of the one , two , three , four punches that has been occurring and so there was definitely context . But having that person or someone just to say , gosh , yeah , that's hard .
Speaker 1Right it is , and it doesn't have to be extreme , right , and I can even say like we've both had situations where both our kids have got sick , you know , back to back and then we've got sick and like that has been where we're like this is so hard and I am so hard , yeah , and just validation and someone being like , yes , it is . So I hope this episode has given you guys just a peek . You know , I think it's a more of a personal episode , which we are very personal with you guys , but of saying we all have , no matter what you are , what you do , what you've learned , what you you know , blah , blah , blah . Life does not play fair . No , it doesn't , and you need to know you're not failing . It is really hard and I don't care what you think what a person betrays or you think you know about their life is really hard and I don't care what you think what a person portrays or you think you know about their life , it's hard for them too .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1You have a glimpse of somebody's life and you don't know everything that they're being dealt with . But to really know your coping mechanisms , set some healthy boundaries learning , finding your person . If it's therapy , if it's , you know , your best friend , is it saying no and not feeling guilty ? Is it taking 10 minutes of your day to fill your cup so that you can continue on ? In some situations you know they last shorter than others . So it's a long call and you just got to go into it , knowing you know it's not going to be over tomorrow . But what can I do today that is going to help me out , but you're not failing . Life just gets really hard sometimes , but it does get extra hard . I will preference this if you are struggling with a mental health disorder on top of it .
Speaker 2Absolutely , absolutely , absolutely . It's going to be harder .
Speaker 1I mean , how can it not be ? And so there is times that , like , if you're going , yes , life is really hard , but like this is a different level of hard , please reach out , talk to your provider , talk to a therapist . You know there is times where therapy and medication need to come into play , absolutely , absolutely . So just to preference that and say we're in this with you . Life is life thing , but we are going to keep showing up for you and we want you guys to know that we care and we're here to walk through that . So if someone's going through something , send them to send this to them or save it for when life happens to you .
Speaker 2Exactly . Life gets to be hard because it's inevitable , friends , it is .
Speaker 1And just know we're cheering you on , but we will see you guys next week .
Moms' Mental Health Support Podcast
Speaker 1Maternal mental health is as important as physical health . The Preview Alliance podcast was created for and by moms dealing with postpartum depression and all its variables , like anxiety , anger and even apathy . Hosted by CEO founder Sarah Parkhurst and licensed clinical social worker Whitney Gay , each episode focuses on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum . Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges , as well as access , tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms . You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time . Please know you're not alone on this journey . We're here to help .