Previa Alliance Podcast
There are few experiences as universal to human existence as pregnancy and childbirth, and yet its most difficult parts — perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs) — are still dealt with in the shadows, shrouded in stigma. The fact is 1 in 5 new and expecting birthing people will experience a PMAD, yet among those who do many are afraid to talk about it, some are not even aware they’re experiencing one, and others don’t know where to turn for help. The fact is, when someone suffers from a maternal mental health disorder it affects not only them, their babies, partners, and families - it impacts our communities.
In the Previa Alliance Podcast series, Sarah Parkhurst and Whitney Gay are giving air to a vastly untapped topic by creating a space for their guests — including survivors of PMADs and healthcare professionals in maternal mental health — to share their experiences and expertise openly. And in doing so, Sarah and Whitney make it easy to dig deep and get real about the facts of perinatal mental health, fostering discussions about the raw realities of motherhood. Not only will Previa Alliance Podcast listeners walk away from each episode with a sense of belonging, they’ll also be armed with evidence-based tools for healing, coping mechanisms, and the language to identify the signs and symptoms of PMADs — the necessary first steps in a path to treatment. The Previa Alliance Podcast series is intended for anyone considering pregnancy, currently pregnant, and postpartum as well as the families and communities who support them.
Sarah Parkhurst
Previa Alliance Podcast Co-host; Founder & CEO of Previa Alliance
A postpartum depression survivor and mom to two boys, Sarah is on a mission to destigmatize the experiences of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), and to educate the world on the complex reality of being a mom. Sarah has been working tirelessly to bring to light the experiences of women who have not only suffered a maternal mental health crisis but who have survived it and rebuilt their lives. By empowering women to share their own experiences, by sharing expert advice and trusted resources, and by advocating for health care providers and employers to provide support for these women and their families, Sarah believes as a society we can minimize the impact of the current maternal mental health crisis, while staving off future ones.
Whitney Gay
Previa Alliance Podcast Co-host; licensed clinician and therapist
For the past ten years, Whitney has been committed to helping women heal from the trauma of a postpartum mental health crisis as well as process the grief of a miscarriage or the loss of a baby. She believes that the power of compassion paired with developing critical coping skills helps moms to heal, rebuild, and eventually thrive. In the Previa Alliance Podcast series, Whitney not only shares her professional expertise, but also her own personal experiences of motherhood and recovery from grief.
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Previa Alliance Podcast
Why You Should Really Check On...
We all have people in our lives who are the “strong ones, got it together, juggling it all, working so hard, and always says they are “fine”. But why do we wait for a crisis to check on those people when in reality we need to start checking on them now?
Join Sarah and Whitney as they explore the silent struggles of those who appear self-reliant. They share why trusting your instincts and reaching out with simple gestures can provide immense relief. This episode is a call to check in on those in our circle and to check in with yourself if you need to be checked in on.
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hey guys, welcome back to the preview alliance podcast. This is sarah and again I've got my girl with me and we are here to talk about checking on your friends and people in your circle who always say you know the strong ones, the always fine ones. That really how to check in, things to be aware of, and, if you are one of these people on the list, how to help people check in with you and you check in with yourself. So the key here check on your friends, who've been quiet lately. I think there is certain ebbs and flows of normal friendship, but the people that generally maybe you know you expect a certain interaction. Or even at work, that coworker that's always you know greets you and you know. Or the mom you sit with at the end of the football games, you chit-chat it up and have that normal expected kind of level of communication and that kind of goes away.
Speaker 3:Right. So, and a lot of things can you know, play a role in that. Some of it can just be, you know, kids, sickness, life, things like that. But I've got a really close friend that I used to work with at the hospital, and she recently went through a very rough divorce. She also has dysautonomia and has had two flare-ups where she ended up in ICU for it, and so it was one of those.
Speaker 3:It dawned on me the other day I was thinking have I heard from her in over a week? Like that? Just it felt off to me, and so I just sent her a text. I was like, hey, just checking in on you, and she sent me one back that said, hey, I really appreciate it, thank you. And then the next day I just could not shake this feeling that something was off, because even that response felt like hey, thanks, I get it. And that was it.
Speaker 3:I was like that's not how you typically respond, and so I sent her a voice text. I was like, hey, I'm just thinking about you this morning. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, you can tell me that, but I just really want to check on you, just wanted to see how things are going. Just let me know when you get a minute. It wasn't. Five minutes later she had sent me another voice text back that was so long, super involved, talking about all of the complications with her dysautonomia and she had just really been having a rough time. Yes, so that withdrawal. Again, life gets in the way and I understand that. It happens to everybody it does.
Speaker 1:But when you start to kind of have that nagging feeling, check in and again I didn't, yeah, I didn't have worst case scenario, thinking it wasn't, oh, something horrible has happened to her and blah, blah, blah, it was just something, seems off yeah, I mean, some people get put on your mind for a reason, and I do think a lot of us deal with things silently and it's heavy things, so we don't want to be burdened, or we know you don't want to be a Debbie Downer or you're like, every week it's something with me. You know I feel like I'm always just saying that, but just tune in to the quiet. Sometimes, absolutely, that is a thing I think. Another one to check on is for those friends or people in your life that never ask for help.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they're probably very overwhelmed, they feel very burdened and they are scared to ask for help because they don't want to burden others.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 3:And I tell you, I kind of had to learn that lesson the hard way. When we moved over the summer. I was like I need to delegate things out. Yeah, so that meant hiring the moving company. It meant that my boss's husband, who's a contractor. I was like, hey, here's a list of things that the inspector found. Can you tackle this before we move in? Yeah, things like that where I'm like, ok, I'm passing this baton to you, you're getting this, you're getting that. Telling my husband because he works in a school system hey, I've set up the gas company, the Internet company, all these people to be here on this day. You need to be at the new house this day for installation, because I'm working. And it was just delegating it out. Now, granted, I still felt like I was the organizer of everything because I was. But it's like I said, here's your to-do. Bye, yeah, just be. You take the reins from here.
Speaker 1:And I think it's you know. A good example, too is you know they're in postpartum or the mom with many kids and one of them's sick. You don't have to always, you know, rely, don't rely on her to ask for help. Sometimes she don't even know how to ask for help. But dropping off a meal, sending a little, you know Starbucks e-card dropping off Starbucks even, or hey, I'll pick up your son from t-ball practice, we're going to the same place, I'll take that load off of you, because people tend to think well, if they needed help, they would ask.
Speaker 1:Well, sometimes people can't ask don't know how to ask Right, so I think that is.
Speaker 3:I have a mutual friend who recently lost their mom, yeah, and so it was one of those. I just texted her a taziki's gift card because you can do like the family of four meals. Maybe it can get her a few lunches and I was like here, you don't have to think about a meal whenever you don't want to think about a meal. You can choose to use that gift card.
Speaker 1:When grief is too much, when postpartum is too much, when that divorce is too much. They know that is a way to help those who don't ask for help, I think those who don't have a village again, so many of us do not have a typical village, traditionally, back from the Stone Ages stone ages, you know, women used to live together, the families raised together. You know even my grandmother, when she was raising my, my mom, my uncle, several of her sister-in-laws all lived like right, they could run to yards together. So the village aspect is gone for so many moms. And, like our friendships are virtual, it's phones.
Speaker 1:It's hard to maybe know neighbors, it's hard to trust neighbors. You may be deployed, you may be you know whatever's going on where you're, just like I would love to have that person. If my kid is sick, that you know I could call, or if an emergency happens I could call. So that is very important, just to check on them, because that's a heavy weight to carry of knowing well, if something goes wrong, what do I do Exactly? I think that's hard, putting everybody else first. Oh, we do that so much.
Speaker 1:We often neglect ourselves, our self-care, our mental health, our physical health. Right, we go at a certain level to make sure everything else is done, that when we something happens, that we crash, which we all eventually will running at that level. It's very hard and you see them and I know I do it and and I know several of my friends do it, and I know stages and phases of life, but you're going. I just know what all's on her plate, I know what she's balancing, I know what she's. She's also grieving that.
Speaker 1:She's also processing this. Plus, she's trying to show up for her job and for her kids. So really just checking in, trying to show up for her job and for her kids, so really just checking in. I see you, I know how hard it is, are you okay? Anything I can do? Right, lost a loved one, like we said, grief is a long roller coaster, oh yeah. And if it's from loss of a baby, loss of a parent, loss of a spouse, loss of a friend, loss of a, you know a loss is a loss, however it is those anniversaries, those holidays, those big events in their life that they really wanted, that person there for Right it never ends.
Speaker 1:No, no, I think that is so hard. Chronically sick kid or a caretaker.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean the day-to-day I can't imagine basically having an in-home hospital to care for your child yeah, or your family member that you are not.
Speaker 1:You know you're. You are dedicating your life to what you have to learn about something you, you have to learn new things, you have to manage it. You have to carry that mental load. Do we have those meds, do we have that equipment Right? That is to check in and see them, because sometimes those are very long term commitments that happen Right and that is their day in and day out. And if you know someone in your life with that, just recognizing it is huge to them and seeing what they're going through, you know. Another one is somebody who's just like I'm fine, I'm just tired. I'm just tired. Go a little deeper sometimes. We're fine, whitney, it's just a tough day, just another tough day, whitney, it will get better when, or when. You know it's just a tough day. It's just another tough day, whitney, it will get better when. Or, whitney, you know, it's just a lot Like those kind of statements, yeah.
Speaker 3:I hate to say it kind of vague Again, like my friend that I had mentioned before where she was, like oh, thanks for checking in. I appreciate it, you're like wait. Almost a pacifying statement.
Speaker 1:There you go with me, go away right, it's like it's okay.
Speaker 3:Don't worry about me not wanting to impose uh-huh and just, oh it's, don't worry.
Speaker 1:Don't worry, that's me the red flag if you know and I think that's too right it's like generally the detail level that you provide with that person right, it's like yes, that's withdrawn.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's a clue. Or I think too, on the opposite end is the person that you think has it all together. You think is perfect. You think, well, there can't be anything wrong with her, she's fine. Or he, you know, look at this, like, think, well, there can't be anything wrong with her, she's fine. Look at this, I think it's exhausting to appear, put together all the time and have it together. No one is like that.
Speaker 3:No, and there's no way for us to have it all together all the time.
Speaker 1:No. So I would say, the keys here is really don't discount that discouragement, that you have that gut feeling.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that intuition.
Speaker 1:That something's not right. And then there was for Suicide Awareness Month. There was this I don't know if you saw it when he went on. It went through social media. It was, I think it was over in Europe, and there was this soccer club ad and these two fans would go and meet and sit next to each other every single game and they would.
Speaker 1:There was a very like bright, eluberant one, Like he was talkative and he was jumping for joy kind of. And then there was the guy next to him who was more like reserved. He was kind of looked a little grouchy at times, he kind of looked a little depressed well, flip the switch. And then the seat was empty one day of the really loud, exuberant guy and to the point of it's not what we always think and that everybody deserves to have someone really know and be vulnerable with about their life and be close enough for that like intuition to ask and to say you know, I'm open, I'm here for you. How are you really doing, whitney, like, or you know what? Press, a little bit like you did, I'm going to ask again, you know. Or a little bit like you did not gonna, you know, I'm gonna ask again, you know or I see what all you're carrying and it's a lot it's a lot, or I struggle with x.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it takes you to go first to be open and say to make it a space I really struggle with this, or I did struggle with that, and I think that's been a really big key for something like success of Previa and the podcast and just conversations is sometimes someone really just has to hear. It's not just me, where I had anxiety, I had depression, I had intrusive thoughts. I read the loss for a long time. It changed how I thought. So I think depression, anxiety, suicide, they're all very real. Struggles are very real. Life is hard Mm-hmm, and we're not meant to do it alone.
Speaker 3:Absolutely not. No, we can't.
Speaker 1:No. And then, whitney, give our listeners kind of just again. If they're like no one's asking me this and I, somebody really should be asking me this, right, we're, you know, seeking help saying that statement.
Speaker 3:You know how really recognizing that's the hardest step, and then it gets easier absolutely well, and I think, if you want someone to ask you that and people aren't, it does lead me to think that maybe you're really good at masking, that maybe you are really good at being that exuberant one, that making it look like you do have it all together, yeah, and so, with that, as hard as it is, maybe be vulnerable, and that means being vulnerable with yourself too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean. I think it's really hard to admit when we're not okay, absolutely. And that it's hard because sometimes people define mental health conditions, anxiety, depression, not being okay, not handling it all as failure, and they take it personal and we define ourselves by like our worth again goes back to that, when again, no, I don't know anybody that's not going through something.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, we all do.
Speaker 1:But I do think we do. We mask it to ourselves, we mask it to our loved ones and again, of course, it's very easy to mask it to someone who only knows a glimpse of our life. So, listeners, we are here, we're saying, we're checking on you, we're asking how you really are, we see you and we challenge you to do that in your life and to open up and be vulnerable and if this resonates, reach out to a therapist. And again, if you're having any thoughts of harming yourself or anyone else, 911-988-go-to-local-er. You're not alone. This will get better. This is only just a small moment of a large future. That's right for you and you deserve to stay. Yes, you do. All right guys. Thank you and we'll be back next week.
Speaker 3:All right, see ya.
Speaker 2:Maternal mental health is as important as physical health. The Preview Alliance podcast was created for and by moms dealing with postpartum depression and all its variables, like anxiety, anger and even apathy. Hosted by CEO founder Sarah Parkhurst and licensed clinical social worker Whitney Gay, each episode focus on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum. Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges, as well as access tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms. You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time. Please know you're not alone on this journey. We're here to help.