Previa Alliance Podcast
There are few experiences as universal to human existence as pregnancy and childbirth, and yet its most difficult parts — perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs) — are still dealt with in the shadows, shrouded in stigma. The fact is 1 in 5 new and expecting birthing people will experience a PMAD, yet among those who do many are afraid to talk about it, some are not even aware they’re experiencing one, and others don’t know where to turn for help. The fact is, when someone suffers from a maternal mental health disorder it affects not only them, their babies, partners, and families - it impacts our communities.
In the Previa Alliance Podcast series, Sarah Parkhurst and Whitney Gay are giving air to a vastly untapped topic by creating a space for their guests — including survivors of PMADs and healthcare professionals in maternal mental health — to share their experiences and expertise openly. And in doing so, Sarah and Whitney make it easy to dig deep and get real about the facts of perinatal mental health, fostering discussions about the raw realities of motherhood. Not only will Previa Alliance Podcast listeners walk away from each episode with a sense of belonging, they’ll also be armed with evidence-based tools for healing, coping mechanisms, and the language to identify the signs and symptoms of PMADs — the necessary first steps in a path to treatment. The Previa Alliance Podcast series is intended for anyone considering pregnancy, currently pregnant, and postpartum as well as the families and communities who support them.
Sarah Parkhurst
Previa Alliance Podcast Co-host; Founder & CEO of Previa Alliance
A postpartum depression survivor and mom to two boys, Sarah is on a mission to destigmatize the experiences of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), and to educate the world on the complex reality of being a mom. Sarah has been working tirelessly to bring to light the experiences of women who have not only suffered a maternal mental health crisis but who have survived it and rebuilt their lives. By empowering women to share their own experiences, by sharing expert advice and trusted resources, and by advocating for health care providers and employers to provide support for these women and their families, Sarah believes as a society we can minimize the impact of the current maternal mental health crisis, while staving off future ones.
Whitney Gay
Previa Alliance Podcast Co-host; licensed clinician and therapist
For the past ten years, Whitney has been committed to helping women heal from the trauma of a postpartum mental health crisis as well as process the grief of a miscarriage or the loss of a baby. She believes that the power of compassion paired with developing critical coping skills helps moms to heal, rebuild, and eventually thrive. In the Previa Alliance Podcast series, Whitney not only shares her professional expertise, but also her own personal experiences of motherhood and recovery from grief.
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Previa Alliance Podcast
Previa Playback - Jingle Jingle All the Tears!
Join us with Previa Playback this holiday season! Maybe it is the hallmark movies or the smells of the season that makes us all feel all the feels. From our childhood memories to missing a loved one during this season-it can bring in all the tears. From grief to unmet expectations to trying to create the “perfect” experience for family it can add up. Listen in as Sarah and Whitney talk about the why the holidays can bring out emotion in us all.
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Keep the questions coming by sending them to info@previaalliance.com or DM us on Instagram!
Hey guys, welcome back to Preview Alliance podcast. This is Sarah and we are in our holiday season. This season, whitney and I decided to do replay episodes because these are some of our most listened to episodes and so vital to equip and empower you guys through the stressful holiday season. So, no matter where you are at in life, these episodes are made for you, to help guide you, to support you and know you're not alone. So hang in there. We're are made for you to help guide you, to support you and know you're not alone. So hang in there, we're right there with you. Stay tuned. Hey guys, welcome back to Preview Alliance Podcast. It's Sarah and Whitney. We're in holiday series, so this is one that I think it's important and we're calling it Jingle Jingle. All the Tears, all the tears.
Speaker 1:Why the holidays can bring out lots of emotion, stress, and how we're going to get you guys through it.
Speaker 2:That's right, and we're all in this together.
Speaker 1:So let's start off with Well. Why holidays make us emotional.
Speaker 2:Well, I think as kids, depending on what our upbringing was, we realize now as moms maybe things that we want to do differently for our kids either, because we didn't get that, yeah, as a child, whether that means a certain type of toy that was like the big fad, or whether that means being a present parent making cookies.
Speaker 2:These maybe staple memories that you wish you had with your parents, you want for your kids, for your kids and it makes you sad because it's a layer of grief in there of oh, I really did miss out on that or it could be even you had great experience and you're like I want my kid to have that, yes.
Speaker 1:So then you put that pressure and expectation on yourself, like I want to be as good as my mom, yeah, or what my grandma did.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Or, like you said, in the opposite way.
Speaker 2:I don't want my kids to ever feel how I felt.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and one thing that I was reading about when we was kind of doing this prep is that so, in the same way, things triggered like me with my ptsd, with my traumatic birth yeah, holidays can bring up, because it's the smells that remind us, it's the music, it's the song, everything, it's the loved ones who are no longer with us that we think about. Oh yeah. So I think we have to go into it, knowing that the season itself is hard going to trigger and bring it out even if we try not to yeah, and it's okay that it's there, it's not a bad thing.
Speaker 2:so, for example, my grandmother this february will be seven years since she died. Yeah, I think seven, because I wasn't pregnant with sydney yet. Um, and, and you just have to know like she was so loud and boisterous and just loved her so much, loved being with her at the holidays, y'all she's been, like I said, she's been dead for six and a half, almost seven years. It never fails us still, at Christmas time, kind of expect her just to walk through the door and be that loudisterous person that she was and I'm like whitney it's not gonna happen and it still hurts.
Speaker 1:It's like one of those things every single year because you're always going to be reminded of it and it's okay to hold space for that. Oh, absolutely, absolutely, especially if it's been a family member that's passed recently or, I know, during covet time, so we couldn't be with our family. Yes, that was hard, and so just knowing that it is probably going to be a little harder because it's all family centric, it's supposed to be like memories making that whole just extra pressure, absolutely. But it's okay to grieve it and feel it and acknowledge it.
Speaker 1:This is hard for me because this reminds me of my grandma. Yeah, that's right and that's okay. Yeah, now, as we age, we tend to see our family in different lights, like we kind of say, for good or bad. And I think the holidays it's extra. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1:So what can we do when we're realizing well, like you said, I don't want that experience for my kid because this is how I was done or this. I don't appreciate how this aunt or uncle acts or treats me. What do you do in there? Because now we're a mom, we're navigating it Right.
Speaker 2:So realize that it's OK that our perception of others is going to change. As we get older, we change as a person and our roles change.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we are not the same person. So we are not the same person, they are not the same person, and so it could be one of those. You know, as a mom, I look back now and I realize how hard my mom and dad worked to give the christmas magic, and so now I have a deeper appreciation for it. Right, I really do. And so there's that positive aspect of, oh, I'm so much more aware now, definitely. But on the flip side of that, let's just say, you know, as an adult, we realize now, oh, I'm well, you're kind of mean, like I don't really care for how you're talking to me now that I'm an adult, you know whether it's like a cousin or an aunt.
Speaker 2:That relationship is super toxic, yeah, and you start to pick up on maybe gaslighting and different things like that Disrespect or inappropriate boundaries. Things like that. So when you notice it, I would say almost anticipate, almost a shell shock feeling, Because growing up you always think your family or your friends or the people that's like mentors or whatever, that they're perfect or don't have flaws, and then, and they do. And they do so. It's a little bit hard to see that and to be like oh so this is actually what I'm dealing with now.
Speaker 1:And then you're having to cope and recognize it as why being a mom, yeah, and navigating it, and so that's hard and I think it happens to all of us.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And, but just to have a conversation with a safe person about it or to say, hey, you know, I really don't feel comfortable with X. Yeah, we're going to avoid that situation.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 1:Or I'm going to know I need to remove myself if it gets to this point. I know this uncle always has this problem where he drinks too much at this holiday every year. Now that I'm a mom or now I'm not, I'm seeing this, I'm recognizing it we're gonna leave early exactly or not attend, but I think it's generational cycles and toxicity that really gets heightened too because we're becoming more, because we're moms, we have to protect our kids.
Speaker 1:Now we're just thinking that yeah and you didn't used to uh-uh no, because you kind of could just be like bystander. Oh yeah, and now it's this pressure of like oh, that's not pretty.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and everyone wants to see the kids, not us and you know we talked about before um in a previous episode more stress, more expectations. The holidays are people around you who's generally not, yeah, and that can be in itself over, emotionally overwhelming, and questions get asked because they don't know what's going on in your life. So if you're going through a struggle and we're not blasting it on Instagram, it's going to be you're being more sensitive. So I think to expect that, like you, may be more apt to be emotional rightfully so yeah, and that's okay.
Speaker 1:And to like, if you need to take those like mental health care breaks, if you need to do something for yourself during the season or if you need to almost prep and know like if you're trying for a baby or you just lost a baby that if you're going to be asked about that kind of, have some pre-role play responses in your head of how you're are going to get out of the conversation or answer that.
Speaker 1:I think that was very helpful for me. I'm going to tell myself when I had miscarried with Ava before Will, I purposely did not go home for a holiday. My parents came up to Boston where we were, because I couldn't face the questions, because we announced on Facebook that we were pregnant and then I lost her, like the week after.
Speaker 2:I was going to say it was pretty soon after and I didn't know how to.
Speaker 1:Like I, I couldn't talk about it so I didn't know and maybe that was maybe not the right response. It's a boundary that I couldn't, yeah, so I didn't go. Yeah, and I protect myself, and now I can openly talk about I couldn't there, yeah, and that's okay. Personal boundaries, and I think that's important. Know, too, is that whatever it is that you're comfortable or not comfortable with for your kid and talking about during the holidays, just because this family does not give them the right yes, to intrude on that Push that A thousand percent, or treat you a certain way.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Just because they are a blood relative doesn't give them any ownership. Ownership oh, I love that term, ownership. Okay, and let's end on just like if for these moms, because we support these moms. If your kid is sick or in the NICU or disability and that, that normal Instagram perfect picture in your head. If that's not your reality, or you've lost someone super close to you, you're going through a divorce, your husband's divorce yeah, you know, your husband's deployed Exactly what all this?
Speaker 1:if this is not what you pictured in your head or dreamed of. How do we cope with that?
Speaker 2:So number one just know you're going to have some feels.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And they're going to be strong. Okay, and so, with that, give yourself some grace.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You strong, okay, and so with that, give yourself some grace. Yeah, you know, if you leave a holiday, get together and you break down. The second you get in the car. Well, that's okay. Yeah, you're allowed to do that. Hold space for those feelings. Voice journal. I cannot emphasize that enough. Voice journal because, um well, for starters, christmas is on a weekend this year, and so at least our kids' daycare is probably going to take the Monday after off as their holiday. So a lot of therapists like me who do not have a backup probably will not be able to work the day after Christmas. So just know you may not be able to see your therapist for maybe a few days after the event has taken place.
Speaker 1:You need that voice journaling in place to start processing and that's a good point, like if you're in therapy, now go ahead and kind of we love therapy and to know that your therapist is a mom who has empty million holiday activities as well. Family needs demands so like pre-scheduling appointments. That's vital To know, especially just like your hair appointment. Think of your therapist like your hair appointments like your child's babysitters, whatever.
Speaker 1:You have to look ahead and know that all these people that we need and rely on and love in our lives. You need a pre-book, pre-plan with that, absolutely, so you're not in a crisis mode Like you said. They're closed.
Speaker 2:Exactly, you need to go ahead and know Absolutely so like I anticipate my kids daycare not being open on Monday, december 26th, because that will be their observation of Christmas, which our teachers deserve. That. Yes, they need that time and you need your time with your family. Yes, and so I can anticipate. Okay, I probably don't need to schedule people for the day of the 26th, because both kids will be home, because I also have a kindergartner. Elementary school ain't gonna be open on the 26th.
Speaker 1:No, it's not. Schools take like a month off, yeah, and that's a whole other soapbox I have, which they deserve that but, and we've hit a nerve for sarah, I'm triggered once again.
Speaker 1:I can get today like the sweater or this is. I'm getting triggered. It's the full moon coming, it really is. But moms, so we just want to say, hey, if you, if you're emotional, you're stressed, literally jingle, jingle, all the tears. Yes, there's reasons behind it, you're not. This is. Everybody's going to have a moment where we're crying. It might be me wrapping the paper yeah, you know, sobbing. Or it might be me driving in Christmas traffic.
Speaker 2:Or it might be that you're not buying a Christmas gift for somebody you thought you would be, and that Because they're not with us anymore.
Speaker 1:And that could be your own child, that could be your family member, that could be your friend. Oh yeah, and this is it's meant to. And again, media Mm-hmm, the perceptions of Perfection, perfection and family and no problems and joy.
Speaker 2:It's not real and that's not reality.
Speaker 1:So, moms, we know it's challenging, we challenging, we're here for you. Yeah, we got you, as always, till next time, that's right. Maternal mental health is as important as physical health. The premium alliance podcast was created for and by moms dealing with postpartum depression and all its variables, like anxiety, anger and even apathy. Hosted by ceo founder, sarah park and licensed clinical social worker, whitney Gay, each episode focused on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum. Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges, as well as access tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms. You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time. Please know you're not alone on this journey. We're here to help.