Previa Alliance Podcast
There are few experiences as universal to human existence as pregnancy and childbirth, and yet its most difficult parts — perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs) — are still dealt with in the shadows, shrouded in stigma. The fact is 1 in 5 new and expecting birthing people will experience a PMAD, yet among those who do many are afraid to talk about it, some are not even aware they’re experiencing one, and others don’t know where to turn for help. The fact is, when someone suffers from a maternal mental health disorder it affects not only them, their babies, partners, and families - it impacts our communities.
In the Previa Alliance Podcast series, Sarah Parkhurst and Whitney Gay are giving air to a vastly untapped topic by creating a space for their guests — including survivors of PMADs and healthcare professionals in maternal mental health — to share their experiences and expertise openly. And in doing so, Sarah and Whitney make it easy to dig deep and get real about the facts of perinatal mental health, fostering discussions about the raw realities of motherhood. Not only will Previa Alliance Podcast listeners walk away from each episode with a sense of belonging, they’ll also be armed with evidence-based tools for healing, coping mechanisms, and the language to identify the signs and symptoms of PMADs — the necessary first steps in a path to treatment. The Previa Alliance Podcast series is intended for anyone considering pregnancy, currently pregnant, and postpartum as well as the families and communities who support them.
Sarah Parkhurst
Previa Alliance Podcast Co-host; Founder & CEO of Previa Alliance
A postpartum depression survivor and mom to two boys, Sarah is on a mission to destigmatize the experiences of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), and to educate the world on the complex reality of being a mom. Sarah has been working tirelessly to bring to light the experiences of women who have not only suffered a maternal mental health crisis but who have survived it and rebuilt their lives. By empowering women to share their own experiences, by sharing expert advice and trusted resources, and by advocating for health care providers and employers to provide support for these women and their families, Sarah believes as a society we can minimize the impact of the current maternal mental health crisis, while staving off future ones.
Whitney Gay
Previa Alliance Podcast Co-host; licensed clinician and therapist
For the past ten years, Whitney has been committed to helping women heal from the trauma of a postpartum mental health crisis as well as process the grief of a miscarriage or the loss of a baby. She believes that the power of compassion paired with developing critical coping skills helps moms to heal, rebuild, and eventually thrive. In the Previa Alliance Podcast series, Whitney not only shares her professional expertise, but also her own personal experiences of motherhood and recovery from grief.
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Previa Alliance Podcast
Previa Playback - Like the Perfect Christmas Card
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Join us with Previa Playback this holiday season! Life is not Hallmark movies or Pinterest perfect, but sometimes the Holiday season as those perfectly curated Christmas cards make us feel that it is for everyone but us. In today’s episode the ladies discuss why moms battle perfectionism and how to we need to let the comparison game go. Warning if you are a type A mom or enneagram 1 you may feel like we are talking straight to you on this one.
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Holiday Season Reflections
Speaker 1Hey guys , welcome back to Preview Alliance podcast . This is Sarah and we are in our holiday season . This season , whitney and I decided to do replay episodes because these are some of our most listened to episodes and so vital to equip and empower you guys through the stressful holiday season . So , no matter where you are at in life , these episodes are made for you , to help guide you , to support you and know you're not alone . So hang in there . We're are made for you to help guide you , to support you and know you're not alone . So hang in there . We're right there with you . Stay tuned . Hey guys , welcome back to Preview Alliance Podcast . It is Sarah and Whitney , and we are still in our holiday series . So we have conquered Thanksgiving by now .
Speaker 2Yay one holiday down a million to go it feels like still the month of everything .
Speaker 1Yes , all the things , all the things . My husband , he was literally like , how many things do we have this week ? And I'm like , yes , it's a lot .
Speaker 2we're doing basically a year of activities in a month yeah , we really like to just smush them in in the first 23 days .
Speaker 1It really puts the joy of the season it does right . Well , today's is something I think it's going to resonate with all of us oh , oh yes . Like the perfect Christmas card .
Speaker 2So I'm going to tell myself we're not doing Christmas cards this year . Yeah , we're not , because when was it going to happen ?
Speaker 1And let's backtrack Whitney , as I think we've hinted .
Speaker 2her life's been a little crazy and she's had loss this season and sicknesses yes , I feel like it all started at Labor Day because my husband got COVID Labor Day weekend so you know , solo parenting , doing all of the things .
Speaker 2And that is also when my grandfather's health started to decline pretty rapidly not at that time , but it was starting to decline . Then his stepfather's health was starting to decline . Then his stepfather's health was starting to decline pretty rapidly . At that time , both of them , let's see . His stepdad was placed on hospice care mid to late September , and then my grandfather they made the decision for hospice care first week of October . Yeah , and then God love it , both my parents got COVID for taking care of my grandfather while he was in a rehab type facility and then he was in hospice care for a week , passed away , and then but I mean literally we got home from the funeral and my five-year-old popped a fever .
Speaker 2Yeah , I remember that and then so she got . She ran a fever for five days . Turns out adenovirus is a thing . It .
Speaker 1It's such a thing this year .
Speaker 2So turns out , it's a thing . Did not know about that virus before , but here we go , it's a thing . So as soon as she gets fever free and is good to go to school , literally that same afternoon my two-year-old popped a fever at daycare and had strep . So yay , yay .
Speaker 1That was fun . The text conversation between me and Whitney . I was like , no , this is not what .
Speaker 2What now ? It's like Sarah , guess what happened . Now here's a picture of us in urgent care . Again for the third time in a week .
Speaker 1So I think this is just good for our listeners to know like we are not living these magical unicorn lives . No , Not even close when we're telling you guys the stuff , it's because we've lived it we close . We're telling you guys , the stuff is because we've lived it , we're experiencing it .
Speaker 2It's real live action that's occurring . Please do not feel that me as a therapist , or sarah as a professional , or you're a therapist , whoever you see has it all together because we don't know , as professionals , we don't really bring that up in sessions because it's an ethical boundary . Yeah , we can say that we empathize or that we understand due to losses or you know craziness , having kids , whatever but we can't bring up all of that personal stuff in a session because it's an ethical boundary , right .
Speaker 1But this being a podcast , we can share , we can share , we get the insider scoop of it .
Speaker 2That's right Y'all get to hear the dumpster fire .
Speaker 1that has been my life for three months , you know , and I think that's a good point to bring up too , is so we all are getting these beautiful Christmas cards , oh yeah , and I love looking at the Christmas cards .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , they're great oh wait , look at so-and-so's kid .
Speaker 1They've grown . Oh now they're pregnant Now , whatever , yeah , but why do we put so much pressure on ourselves about these Christmas cards so much pressure on ourselves about these Christmas cards .
Speaker 2Well , I think comparison is a thief of joy . Yes , so think about it like this . Instagram , Facebook maybe not so much TikTok when it comes to Christmas cards , but social media as a whole is meant to make us compare our lives to others . It is highlight reels that we've talked about before . No one really shares the needy , gritty , ugly side of life on social media .
Speaker 1No .
Speaker 2And if they do , it's a little snippet of it . It's not , you know , this in-depth like all the details kind of thing . So we look at these really pretty Christmas cards and these people with their coordinating outfits and all smiles all smiles , their kids aren't having a tantrum on camera , all the things . And we look at that and think , man , I wish I had just a little bit of that oh my gosh , or I feel like it may be .
Speaker 1This happened to me yesterday and I love this family at the Christmas car from and it was . It looked beautiful . I mean I'm just like , how has that mom got it together already and , you know , send it out ? And it was one of those moments where it was a day where I was kind of just getting tapped out myself and I think it just was like a it was a vulnerable time , it was a vulnerable time moment , but you're just like am I the only person who does not have my crap ?
Speaker 2together . Oh no , I don't either . It's okay , we're in the same boat , but it brings it to you like that , right ?
Speaker 1And then it's like then I was talking to Bill about it and I'm like , yes , I put way too much pressure on myself about the coordinated outfits or what , choosing the best photo . And it's like what perfection thing am I fighting here ?
Speaker 2Some of that is again that comparison thing that social media truly perpetuates . Some of it is personality . So again , you have a nursing background . So nurses already just have high expectations placed on them for their jobs . You're having to maintain two to three , four patients , possibly more now , just with staffing issues that I've heard about . But you also have to be mindful of okay , well , they had X surgery , so they need pain medicine and an antibiotic and blah , blah , blah , blah at this time , and then so-and-so needs . This like your brain is almost a literal catalog of all of those things that inherently comes with that profession . So when you have professions like nursing , teaching , social work especially you're helping professions where you're having to manage multiple things at once and the expectation is high , we do that to ourselves . We self-impose those high expectations and I'm not saying that we should , you know , have always low expectations of ourselves . But we don't need to have unrealistic expectations of ourselves , and Christmas cards are one of those that you know what we can . Set the bar low .
Speaker 1You know , there was we absolutely can , we absolutely can . I'll tell you this when we had miscarried our first miscarriage and that holiday season was incredibly hard for me , oh yeah , and I did not want to send out a Christmas card , and then I felt like maybe I should . I feel like in my mind , that was going to be an announcement photo .
Speaker 2Exactly that's what you were preparing for , so you were in a season of grief and loss as opposed to joy , excitement , and I'll be real honest .
Speaker 1Getting those Christmas cards that year with people's kids hurt .
Speaker 2Yes , I cried . I didn't want to see it . I was not kind about it .
Speaker 1I was just like I can't . That's where you were . And I remember Bill was like why does that bother you ? And I'm like because we're , but I'm supposed to be pregnant .
Speaker 2Yeah , like this was I'm supposed to be in that picture . Yes , our child is supposed to be with us in that picture .
Speaker 1And so it was like this , reminder of what other people were having when I didn't have Yep . It's constantly in your face , constantly . Then , now that I have , you know we've walked this road . I have two healthy , wonderful boys . I'm comparing myself to other moms and how they look in this car and I'm just like and let's talk about the photo shoots here for a minute .
Speaker 1We haven't done one this year , but I empathize because we've done them in the past and I have the best photographers ever , so I usually use Whitney Carr and she's local to Birmingham and Rachel Bond for , like our family photos . Those two are my go to's and then the most patient kind of women in the world .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , and their moms ?
Speaker 1they get it , they get it , they're in , they get the shot .
Speaker 2And it's like it's not them that makes anything , it's me . I do not like the person I've become getting my family ready . It is hard because our kids , because of their ages let's keep that in mind that frontal cortex is not developed , that executive functioning is not there .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2It is so insanely stressful for us because we're like , go get your shoes , okay , go get your shoes please . And we say that about 20 times and then we finally lose it and they're like where are you , matt ?
Speaker 1Don't tackle your brother with a sucker and put it in his hair when we're trying to get out the door and you have your matching Christmas .
Speaker 2That's not based on real life stories right .
Speaker 1Matching Christmas sweaters that's going to look so great , but now we have a sucker in the hair and it's like , after I've told him , like you said 50 times about the shoes , yep . And then , lord love , my husband getting ready . In that process , too , we're gonna have a me and him gonna have a moment we've never not . Oh so , you know it's coming , I know it's coming , but it's because I'm so like on a level .
Speaker 2Yep , and I hate to say there's almost no amount of preparation and planning that can make that go smoother , because kids are unpredictable . No , yeah , I mean yeah , you could get up at 430 that morning and get yourself ready . It still does not expedite the process with the kids .
Speaker 1No ,
Parenting Realities and Expectations
Speaker 1so I had to you . You know I love the pictures I will always cherish pictures . If you know me , I'm gonna get pictures done , my friends now know they're like oh , of course you're having a photo session . Yeah , yes , I am , and I constantly will torture myself and my family to get these photos .
Speaker 2Oh , yes because you want to be able to look back when they're older but do .
Speaker 1When I look back , am I gonna be like , oh , that was the most beautiful moment , or I'm gonna be like I remember that me and Bill it's a little bit of both had a , you know , had a highlight moment , real , there , you know no . So I think that's important just to say to everybody . It's like maybe there is those unicorn moms that are like no , the photos go beautiful .
Speaker 2I mean , maybe they have those moments , they have unicorn moments . Um , they have unicorn moments Because , as moms , we do have the occasional unicorn moments . Yes , there are few and far between , yeah , but we also savor them , because we're like , oh , we have a unicorn moment , uh-huh , let's take it in before it goes away , because it inevitably will . It will , we know this .
Speaker 1And I think it's too . It's like controlling the uncontrollable . Yeah , I set my expectations wrong .
Speaker 2So with that I would say , you know , it's all going to come to a head at some point .
Speaker 1Oh , I know it's going to escalate .
Speaker 2So with that , have your toolbox tools on hand . Yeah , the deep breathing .
Speaker 1Yes .
Speaker 2Tactile grounding . You know , find a candle , find some sanitizer , something like that , breathe it in , take some breaths and say , okay , I feel dysregulated right now , I feel short-tempered right now . Okay , let me give myself 10 , 15 seconds . Okay , now I can jump back in .
Speaker 1Yeah , and just I think it was . I saw something . It's like life is not like a Hallmark movie , and I think that's a point to hit on too Is .
Speaker 2It's not like a .
Speaker 1Hallmark movie and I think that's a point to hit on too Is right now we're being bombarded , oh , with perfectionism and just these beautiful scenes .
Speaker 2And I mean we live in Alabama and Alabama is beautiful , but we're not going to get that winter Hallmark Christmas scene with snow it's like 75 right now , but I'm here for it . I don't need cold weather , so I'm here for the 70s .
Speaker 1After living in Boston for four years , I was like I'm good for life , yeah .
Speaker 2No , I'm not here .
Speaker 1I'm not made for it If we have mamas that are cold weather people . That's a different kind of strong .
Speaker 2It is , I'm not cut out for it . We lived in Nebraska for a little bit and it snowed on Halloween and I was like , oh , I need to go back home , I'm not here for this .
Speaker 1I applaud those moms .
Speaker 2Oh , heck , yeah , I can't do it .
Speaker 1To bundle your child up like that every outing .
Speaker 2Yeah , and to go play outside in the cold air .
Speaker 1Yeah , no I .
Speaker 2Negative ghost rider Not happening .
Speaker 1That's why we're in .
Speaker 2Alabama . I will tell you absolutely . That's why I still live in the South .
Speaker 1Now talk to us in the summer , when we're sweltering in all the places . That shouldn't swelter .
Speaker 2Yeah , but I'm so conditioned to it , I'm like it is what it is .
Speaker 1See , I was pregnant during both summers and I was just like this is a level .
Speaker 2It's a new level of misery .
Speaker 1It's a new level , pregnant and that . Well , and I'm going to tell myself , you know this , I'm an Enneagram type 1 . Me too , and I'm very type A , yeah , so what can we do with perfectionism just in our day to day ? Let's step outside of the Christmas card , let's step out of the season , and what do we do when we feel like I need to be perfect as a mom ?
Speaker 2Well , realize that that is not realistic , it is not achievable . We can be good moms , yeah , we can be great moms . We can meet our child's needs . We can't be perfect . Nobody is perfect . It doesn't matter what their social media says , any celebrity that you think , oh my gosh , they have it all together . Well , guess what ? They have a nanny , they have a chef , they have a trainer , they've got a house , they've got all of these auxiliary assistants that we don't have . That we don't have . We don't .
Speaker 1No .
Speaker 2And so remind yourself that no one is perfect , no one has it all together , but you are your child's mom for a reason , and you are a good mom and you are a great mom and a loving mom , and that is who your child needs . Your child doesn't need perfectionism , because they're not going to be perfect no , and that's something that sets them up for failure too because they're going to have encounters through daily , throughout their life , with imperfect people yes their parents ?
Speaker 2exactly yeah . And so if we set this expectation of perfectionism up , we set our children up for failure , because number one no one can be perfect no number two . If they expect others to be perfect , that's going to be a rude awakening , or even themselves . Exactly . You're setting them up to be an anxious person .
Speaker 1And really strong self-critic .
Speaker 2Oh , absolutely , and that's a huge part of Enneagram 1 is we do have this really strong inner critic that if we do anything wrong , it's like well , why'd you do it like that ?
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2What is wrong with you ? Why would you ever think that that's the most appropriate way to do that ? And that is the foundation of anxiety . Yeah , perfectionism is rooted in anxiety and controlling things , but we can't control everything .
Speaker 1And I think that um nobody can I think what too ? Growing up , I you know in school or even in your house , you know in the workplace . Before kids , you had measures of your work or you had a score report . Yeah , motherhood , you don't have that , no , so you're kind of , and every day is different . Yeah , we're winging it . So I think , yes , I think that's one of the things that I feel like and that was a hard part that I'm looking back and realizing .
Speaker 2I didn't have anything to say . Look , sarah , you're doing a good job , but it has an X , and that made it worse for me . Yeah , but what's really neat , though , is when we do have those moments . I'm seeing it more so with my five-year-old than my two-year-old , because twos are terrible , yes , and in our household they are anyway . My five-year-old will come up and just say something to me that I'm like oh , you were listening , you were paying attention .
Speaker 2Like how easily she'll just say thank you for something and I'm like I wouldn't even prompt that Because you're modeling it Exactly and so when we do those modeling things , what's important will come out . Yeah , it's like I very rarely have to tell her hey , say thank you for that , she just does it and it's genuine .
Speaker 1You know it's genuine from her . Yeah , I love that . What about you know ? One thing um is mistakes .
Speaker 2Um so again , again , going back to nobody is perfect . We're all going to make mistakes . So realize in motherhood we will make mistakes . Yeah , we're not going to get it all together . If it is a mistake of you lose your temper and you yell at your kid , it sucks let's call it for what it is it sucks .
Speaker 2But then we have the opportunity to go back and model conflict resolution and repair yes , repair . We apologize , we own up to our mistakes . So our kids know , okay , mom and dad can make mistakes , but they also admit them . Yeah , they admit their mistakes . We're not above that .
Speaker 1We say own it in our family . Yeah , you know , let's own what our words , our actions was .
Speaker 2We're not above making a mistake .
Speaker 1No , and I think that's the whole . Like I'm supposed to be a perfect mom , I'm never supposed to yell I'm supposed to have my kids dress a certain way , they're supposed to eat a certain way . All these society talents are us telling us from our childhood . If , like , I want it perfect , because maybe I had it this way and I want to do this different or I want to be like my mom , yeah . And that's a lot of pressure .
Speaker 2It is A lot of unnecessary pressure . So how do we let it go Well again realize that we can never live up to everybody's expectations . That's not doable . But also with that we can't control what other people think of us .
Speaker 1Yeah , we can't . I heard someone say someone else's opinion of me is none of my business .
Speaker 2I agree with that . So we are not responsible or accountable for other people's thoughts about us , their words to us or reactions to our words . We are only responsible for ourselves . So if you feel like somebody views you poorly because you're not hitting all these perfect christmas expectations , you haven't made the gingerbread house yet , or you haven't gone to go see santa , or whatever it is , well , who cares what they think ? Yeah , who cares , because whatever they think of you is not your responsibility . And do you see , that starts in childhood . Oh 110% .
Speaker 1Yeah that some people learn it earlier than others .
Speaker 2That's people pleasing . Gets rooted in that pretty easily and so and I am always a work in progress . But I've heard so many things talk about not to tell your kid that you're proud of them . When they tell you they've done something good or that they get a green at school one day , the first thing you say is are you proud of yourself ?
Speaker 2yeah so they're seeking their own internal approval and not external approval and validation , so that they feel confident in who they are exactly . And then we come in and say I am proud of you too . That was a lot of hard work , or those were some good choices .
Speaker 1So that they're doing things for themselves and their morals or beliefs Exactly and that's something I don't think . This generation of moms learned growing up , and now we're trying to learn as we're parenting and being moms .
Speaker 2We are rewiring our brains . That's such .
Speaker 1I mean , it's hard , it's hard , and our kids are a mirror to ourselves of our childhood , of things that are wrong with us . Yeah , so that's why the perfectionism is hard too , because you're just like I'm working on myself or trying to be the best mom and that's exhausting
Navigating Holiday Season Perfectionism
Speaker 1and hard .
Speaker 2Then you throw in a christmas card it's honestly the straw that broke the camel's back , so to speak . It's like it's just too much and so again , this year , we're not doing christmas cards . Yeah , it's december 8th and that's fine , and it's fine , no one's gonna look back and say I don't even know what day it is here you go you're like do the christmas card ? Yeah , how dare you skip 2022 ?
Speaker 1yeah , if you're like 2022 , I just wanted over .
Speaker 2Oh , 2022 is worse than 2020 , in my opinion . 22 has no more business being here . It can go on , and 23 better have some better sins .
Speaker 1It will , it has to Dear Lord , it needs it . What about ? How can we talk about ? You know , will says this thing and his teacher does it , and it's like I did my 4K best . What is a 4K best ? So that means I've tried my best . I'm very proud of where I'm at .
Speaker 2So 4K as far as like pre-K kind of thing . Okay , got it Okay .
Speaker 1And I think sometimes we have to look at each day and say I did my best , Absolutely .
Speaker 2I've seen Okay , so I know I kind of you know ragged on social media earlier , but I did see something that talked about . If all you have to give one day is 50% and you give 50% , you've actually given 100% of yourself that day . Oh wow , yes , you gave what you had that day .
Speaker 1And every day we're not going to have the same no . It's like my water filter . You know it's like I can fill it up and I watch it slowly go down and I gotta fill that back up exactly , but it's still gonna give me water but the amount is going to vary yeah , and I had to look at myself that way and say , okay , sarah , it's not all days are gonna be hundreds . No , some days it's beeping saying fill me up yeah .
Speaker 2And let's just be real Some days we are surviving , not thriving . Yeah , that's okay If it's one of those that it's easier to get pizza that night , or Chick-fil-A or whatever it is , because that's going to make life easier for you , do it , yeah , do it going to make life easier for you . Do it , yeah , do it . And I used to love friday nights when I was a kid , grown up , because we would most of the time get like pizza or do a frozen .
Speaker 1We would do that too , and we would .
Speaker 2Now I understand why my mom did it she was so tired , yeah and so we would get the tv trace out and we will watch tgi friday and it was great because it was relaxed , it was chill and it was like , oh , we all needed that decompression . Yeah , we all needed that ease of a Friday night . And it's like , oh , that's why my mom did that .
Speaker 1No , I'm like , I see you mom .
Speaker 2I know .
Speaker 1And I appreciate that ?
Speaker 2Oh , absolutely . And so now we have the ability to do that for our kids too . And you know what ? Most of the time , my decompression day is not on Friday , it's usually Wednesdays , it's usually middle of the week . Craziness Wednesdays are my later days in the office , so I'm like you know what ? Wednesdays are Chick-fil-A days , because we get to go through the drive-thru . It's easy , my kids love it . We have a variety of things that we can choose to eat from . Okay , cool , everybody gets what they want and they're happy . Yeah , and that's a win . Oh , absolutely .
Speaker 2And now , at least because it does get dark so early , everyone has their christmas lights out too , and so we just drive around looking at christmas lights while they eat their chick-fil-a in the car . Why is it dark at four ? I don't know , I don't care for that , but my kids love the christmas .
Speaker 1They do , and that's easy . Let's get in the car . Yes , and that's a good suggestion . It's like during the season take advantage of the pretty that's out there . It's , you know yes put them in the car seat . You know which been your age . Give them a little treat in the car seat , drive around you play some christmas music , you hum humming we've talked about as a tool to kind of regulate us pop a peppermint candy for yourself absolutely ground yourself .
Speaker 1Ladies , absolutely go out and let it put them in their jammies . Make it a fun thing it doesn't have to cost anything I mean it's gas , but like go a short drive oh yeah , like our neighborhoods , you know they're so in the store . If it's warm , walk them around exactly .
Speaker 2Our neighborhoods are so close together that for us we can drive around for 15 minutes or so and see several houses with lights on , and my kids love it . Like once we get home and after we've eaten supper , my two-year-old will go white .
Speaker 1Look at white oh , baby , james he oh yeah , she's here for it , baby james loves a good light he loves um there's some ducks up at our park and he screams quack quack . I mean so like if I need to get that child in motion , I'm like you , you want to see lights , or quack quack , and he's like running . He's on it , he's running , so I think it's just to say , in this perfectionism , pressure of this holiday season which is worse than I think . It's just like it hits hard .
Speaker 2It's holiday , perfectionism .
Speaker 1And we're talking about marketing ads , we're talking about the algorithm on .
Speaker 2Instagram coming for us . It's shoving it down our throats .
Speaker 1We're talking about seeing people that we usually don't see and having to put on a facade sometimes . Or you know , they just know you from Facebook , or they just know you from , whatever , and it's like they don't know the day to day , they don't know the struggles . It's just reframe it , yep , do your best .
Speaker 2Oh , yeah , real , just reframe it yep , do your best .
Speaker 1Oh yeah , realize again . Your kids don't know how much things cost exactly . So don't do the compare . You don't have , don't compare . And I hate this when you see it . Or they're like oh , you're strong , they're like all this money spent , or this or that , and you're like what if I can't ? Or what if I don't ?
Speaker 2want to exactly because that's kind of where I , because our oldest has a birthday three weeks after christmas yeah and again . We have three sets of grandparents . We have extended family it's a lot .
Speaker 1It's a lot . And guess who's putting up the toys . Guess who's decluttering yep guess who's gonna trip over them .
Speaker 2Yep mom so it's okay if you don't go big , it's okay if you go to the dollar store for the toys , because kids don't know the difference it's okay if you say I'm given an experience I'm oh , absolutely it's okay if you just say this is where we're at this year .
Speaker 1So the perfectionist in game we gotta let it go oh , absolutely . You take those christmas cards , you go that looks they did great , you put on your fridge , you put in your little thing , you move on with life and you give a little cheer and say I know with life , absolutely . And you give them a little cheer and say I know that mom , yep , good for you , she had a unicorn moment .
Speaker 1Uh-huh this ain't a judgment on me , no , and just reframe it . Absolutely and just know that . You know you got to look for what good you are doing . Oh yeah , don't I think perfectionism people talking about myself . We fixate on negative to fix negative and don't often look at the good and say you know what I'm doing great here .
Speaker 2Yeah , we're doing what we can .
Speaker 1We're doing our 4K best .
Speaker 2That's right . You give what you have for that day , and that's okay , moms we're in it with you . Oh yeah , we don't have it all together . Just it with you . Oh yeah , we don't have it all together .
Speaker 1Just really want to lay that out there . We don't have it all together , but we get the honor to share our transparency with you guys and encourage you . You know what we got a couple more weeks we can do this . Deep breath , deep breath , all right guys .
Speaker 1Till next time , all right , bye y'all .
Maternal Mental Health Podcast Discussion
Speaker 1Maternal mental health is as important as physical health . The Preview Alliance podcast Thank you on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum . Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges , as well as access tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms . You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time . Please know you're not alone on this journey . We're here to help .