Speaker 1: 0:01

Hey guys, welcome back to Preview Alliance podcast. This is Sarah and we are in our holiday season. This season, whitney and I decided to do replay episodes because these are some of our most listened to episodes and so vital to equip and empower you guys through the stressful holiday season. So, no matter where you are at in life, these episodes are made for you, to help guide you, to support you and know you're not alone. So hang in there, we're right there with you. Stay tuned. Hey guys, welcome back to Preview Alliance podcast. It's Sarah and Whitney. Okay, so holidays, they're done.

Speaker 2: 0:47

Yay, I can breathe now. Right, we're in 2023. Praise Jesus, we're here, Adios 22. I'm telling you, adios, Don't want that anymore. But let me tell you something you feeling a little blue, yeah, kind of down. What is this? So you feeling a little blue, yeah, kind of down. What is this. So there's a lot of factors that come into this.

Speaker 1: 1:08

Because I'm like wait, I'm supposed to be happy, I'm done with all that.

Speaker 2: 1:12

So think of it almost like an adrenaline crash in a sense. Oh yeah, we're crashing, yeah. So think about it like we are really built up from like September's preparing for Halloween and then Thanksgiving and all the things. So around mid-September we really start amping up for the holidays.

Speaker 1: 1:32

Fall is upon us, that's right.

Speaker 2: 1:34

So you have really three months of this excitement, this amping up of do this, do that. Now we have all these fun activities to do, and then December 26th hits, or, you know, january 1st hits and we're like okay, well, it's done. Yeah, and it almost feels like a letdown, even if you had a positive holiday. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, and it's because we have this built-up excitement and then boom, it's over, literally after blues crash.

Speaker 1: 2:05

Yeah, it's like it's a crash holiday, crash it is um.

Speaker 2: 2:09

So I know you know there can be some, like you know, serotonin, dopamine involved, but really I think it's like an expectations, yeah, crash, kind of thing, and then really we are go, go, go, go go adrenaline, yes, and so we really go, go go. I'm gonna say probably about like mid october ish through december. Yeah, that's a lot. So we are constantly go, go, go, go go. Class parties, holidays, getting costumes, trick-or-treating, going to the pumpkin patch right, thanksgiving, the food prep for thanksgiving, gift buying for christmas, christmas parties, going to see santa the sugar the alcohol, the gifts, I mean, it's constant constant, constant, and then we have a halt it just stops, it does, and we don't really have a gradual calm down no

Speaker 1: 2:58

if that makes any sense and then your kids are out of school for still a little bit like that yes, and so some cabin fever.

Speaker 2: 3:04

yeah, a little bit, and you're week. Yes, and so some cabin fever.

Speaker 1: 3:06

Yeah, a little bit, and you're just like what am I going to do now?

Speaker 2: 3:08

Yeah, it is that we're almost lost so what do we do?

Speaker 1: 3:14

Asking us like I'm like Whitney, what do I do?

Speaker 2: 3:16

Yeah, so with that realized it's probably just going to happen and it's not a bad thing or it's unpleasant.

Speaker 1: 3:23

Right.

Speaker 2: 3:23

It is an unpleasant feeling, but it is not a bad feeling, it is not a wrong feeling. So know that you can expect to feel that crash. So just know it's coming. Yeah, kind of know that it's coming, and I would say almost.

Speaker 1: 3:36

Name it to tame it.

Speaker 2: 3:37

Yes, name it to tame it, but almost embrace that a little bit and, if you're able, if you have that time off of work or, you know, during nights and weekends, say, okay, maybe we don't need to go full speed, maybe we don't need to keep just doing all the things all the time. Just have some rest, have some rest, absolutely. Have some rest. We're probably we're all exhausted. Oh, absolutely, all, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 4:03

All the time and it's like the holidays is a marathon.

Speaker 3: 4:07

Oh yes, actually it's a sprint.

Speaker 1: 4:08

Excuse me, it's a sprint, it's not a marathon. It's a sprint. You don't stop.

Speaker 2: 4:12

Yeah, you're sprinting a marathon. Yes, and I would not recommend that. I've never ran a marathon, but that sounds miserable to sprint a marathon. I'm not going to sprint that front, that no.

Speaker 1: 4:20

But that's what we do, and I think our kids have a hard time too, because it's like, okay, where's the class parties, where's the presents?

Speaker 3: 4:28

yeah, where's the pretty?

Speaker 1: 4:29

lights. Where's the candy?

Speaker 3: 4:32

yeah, where's the things? Where's all the?

Speaker 1: 4:34

things. Where's the fun movies? Where's the fun crafts? Where's?

Speaker 2: 4:38

that, and that's the thing too, is they have that same kind of crash or that halt after go go, go, go, go, yeah, and again, there's not a taper to it no there's not it's like that's really hard you're not supposed to just stop them, because you have a rebound exactly, and that's what we're doing to us emotionally.

Speaker 1: 4:55

Yeah so okay, so we know what it is uh-huh and I think, what else?

Speaker 2: 5:01

so be prepared going into it that Realize that that crash is probably going to happen. And also let's look at some other factors or you know, aspects of it is that it still gets dark early. That's depressing the low it is, and I was about to say, seasonal affective disorder or seasonal affective depression, is still playing a role.

Speaker 1: 5:23

And that is a like research, evidence-based thing.

Speaker 2: 5:26

Oh, absolutely. And I mean we are in Alabama right now. You know our temperatures are pretty good, but the forecast is saying, come Christmas we are going to, it's cold, it's going to be cold. So are we going to be outside that much? Probably not.

Speaker 1: 5:38

No, because I mean you're bundled up, you're cold, you're inside, it's miserable to be outside in the cold, your kids are inside more than they used to be.

Speaker 2: 5:47

Absolutely, especially here in the South, because it's like, once springtime hits, bye, go outside. Yeah, enjoy yourself.

Speaker 1: 5:53

Yeah, and I think what happens post-holidays too is maybe you've had this expectation of how your holidays were supposed to go. Yes, how these magical memories were supposed to be created.

Speaker 2: 6:05

And instead your kids on the floor screaming because you didn't give them ice cream for breakfast. Yes, or. I'm not talking about my real life there.

Speaker 1: 6:12

Or your family members have said something, or Aunt Brenda. Aunt Brenda popped up, even though you set your boundaries, and she said something very hurtful and you're still reeling from it.

Speaker 3: 6:24

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:25

Or let's back up to you know you're struggling to get pregnant. You've had loss, mm-hmm and any grief at the holidays Grief of something and it's still so fresh because you missed that person or the child or someone wasn't there.

Speaker 2: 6:43

And you're still just kind of reeling from it.

Speaker 1: 6:45

Or people still talk. They're talking about their holidays and you're comparing yourself.

Speaker 2: 6:50

So this is where I would really encourage voice journaling to help you decompress and organize your thoughts and realize with this there's probably not a solution to be found, right, because it's not necessarily something that needs to be fixed because it's not broken Right, it's just honestly, again that kind of adrenaline dump, that halt of go, go, go, go go. We didn't have a taper process in there, and so you need that opportunity to decompress, so I would recommend voice journaling.

Speaker 3: 7:21

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:22

I would also recommend, if you know that you already struggle with kind of that holiday blues or let down, whatever you want to call it, go ahead now. Make your appointment with a therapist now, right, because from my personal experience, like I'm booked until Christmas, right. So keep that in mind. And you know, your therapist might be a parent too, so they have school schedules that they have to work with yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:47

Go ahead and make that appointment, you know, for that last week of December, that first week of January. So you have an opportunity just to process it.

Speaker 1: 7:54

Well, it's just like anything right. If so, you have an opportunity just to process it. Well, it's just like anything right. If we are looking ahead and we know certain events are going to be really triggering to us or like hard for us because of emotions, memories, situations, people, we would book our therapist. Then Absolutely so, knowing now that we have this crash, just being self-aware and saying, you know what I need to process this with my therapist.

Speaker 2: 8:17

It's in preparation. And here's the thing too. Let's just say you don't have that holiday crash that you anticipated. Number one you can still just keep your appointment just to have a therapy appointment on board or you can cancel it. Yeah, so it's not like it's not like a thing, exactly. So I would say go ahead and get on the books now, because it's so much easier to take someone off than it is to try and squeeze them in, just like hair appointments.

Speaker 2: 8:38

Go ahead and book out. Oh, absolutely 110%. Do that, yeah, kind of incorporate that into your self-care.

Speaker 1: 8:45

What is self-care If you want to do something for yourself. Physically, you know. If it's that scheduling your workouts, if it's your, you know. Cosmetically, if it's your hair it's your eyelashes, it's your nails, it's whatever.

Speaker 2: 8:57

It's your therapy. Your mind, body, soul, here For your mental health. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:01

So if someone was like, okay, what could I be feeling? They could be feeling anxious, yep, unmotivated, because we've done all the things, yeah, and now you're just like I don't want to do anything and I hate to say it, especially with kids.

Speaker 2: 9:16

when you have the influx of toys, it's like where's this all going to go?

Speaker 1: 9:21

You're almost paralyzed. Yes, or I go from like almost the freeze fawn. We've talked about that.

Speaker 2: 9:28

I was about to say at that point so many moms doom scroll Facebook and Instagram because it's like I can't focus on the toys. Let me just do this, yes, but then it makes the anxiety and the unmotivation worse. It does.

Speaker 1: 9:40

Or you feel obviously stressed.

Speaker 3: 9:42

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 9:43

Depressed Yep, we talked about that.

Speaker 2: 9:46

Can't sleep, and that can be diet induced as well. Yeah, because let's just be real. I mean the holidays we do indulge.

Speaker 1: 9:53

I don't think there's any I had peppermint bark for like at 6 am this morning, because it was there I mean, why not?

Speaker 2: 9:59

I love costco's peppermint bar, by the way.

Speaker 1: 10:00

I'm just saying like hey, costco, you want to like sponsor us thank you, hey, partner up with us but again, I don't think that's a bad thing.

Speaker 2: 10:09

It's inevitably going to be there. Don't restrict yourself in the holidays, because that could be a whole nother can of worms. Sleep schedules get off. They do Because of parties but realize, you know, your caffeine intake may be up. Your sugar intake is going to be up, so that's going to throw things off biologically for us. So, like you mentioned, a sleep schedule or just good sleep hygiene, kind of like our kids. Yes, have a bedtime routine. Try not to scroll your phone right before you go to bed.

Speaker 1: 10:35

Do like sometimes take a little bath, if you can.

Speaker 2: 10:39

Some deep breathing, even while you're laying in bed.

Speaker 1: 10:42

Lavender smells help?

Speaker 2: 10:43

Yes, absolutely so. Do those things that can help you sleep better, because sleep affects our moods. We've talked about sleep deprivation and postpartum and pregnancy.

Speaker 1: 10:55

Same happens at any aspect of our life of motherhood oh, absolutely so that's a good tip.

Speaker 2: 10:59

And then maybe we've overspent at christmas it happens, it happens to the best of us. And also again, we talked about this before inflation the economy. Things cost two, three times what they used to. So we're also dealing with inflation and just trying to do a Christmas.

Speaker 1: 11:16

And then the fact that maybe we are used to like not you know, we had so many people in our lives and we're feeding off of that. Everybody's going back to their normal lives.

Speaker 2: 11:27

It's kind of lonely. Super lonely sometimes A little isolating.

Speaker 1: 11:31

Especially, I feel like actually sometimes for us, because our family's not close by. Yeah, and we get to see them a lot in that short amount of time so there's some grief there, yeah or you see your friends that you haven't seen, or exactly you get to touch base more so and then again it kind of all withdraws.

Speaker 1: 11:48

Not that it's a personal attack, it's life, but it's still hard to process that yeah, because I feel like people kind of put not life on hold during the holidays, but they make more time to be social and emotional. Well, and let's just be real.

Speaker 2: 12:04

A lot of you know work environments, offices like that. They're used to people taking off during the holidays. So I feel like there's a little more grace and maybe not as many deadlines and things like that. Now it's, it's like hey, get to it. Well, I was gonna say you know, people take off during the holidays, but after the holidays boom we gotta, we gotta, pick up that slack. So it's like we're allowed to take off during december and the holidays, but up come january 1st, chop, chop, get to it.

Speaker 1: 12:34

Yeah, you know, we before kids would schedule a trip in January or February when we lived in Boston, because it was so cold and so isolating. I don't know how you handled that, but it felt so good to take a trip, so that was something I always looked forward to, and it doesn't have to be anything big.

Speaker 2: 12:51

Yeah, no, it could be a day trip, so, like us living here in Alabama, we can go to Chattanooga pretty easily.

Speaker 1: 12:57

Yeah, the beach is like three, four hours away.

Speaker 2: 12:58

Exactly Blue Ridge, Georgia. I hear great things about that Going to. Rock City. We have options, Heck even going to.

Speaker 1: 13:05

Huntsville. Do a little something, so plan something. Montgomery has that drive-thru safari. Love that.

Speaker 2: 13:13

It's fabulous.

Speaker 1: 13:18

It is. You know, there was actually, when I was doing research for this episode, there was a study called the Christmas Effect and where they basically researched that Christmas suicide, depression, psychiatric disorders they decrease during the holidays.

Speaker 3: 13:34

Okay, but they rebound and increase immediately after.

Speaker 1: 13:40

Absolutely, they do so it's a study thing that like it is the holidays.

Speaker 2: 13:45

Put this pause on, like maybe I mean yes, it makes it harder but like I think that's deep down well, and I hate to say it like this too it does it, band-aids it, and you know, you're around so many people you think, okay, well, you know, I'm not gonna have an opportunity for that. And then it's like again when we all go back to our normal lives, well, nobody cares about me, and it really exacerbates that depression, yes, or any other mental illness that's there, and so then we have hopelessness coming in, and hopelessness is very dangerous.

Speaker 3: 14:20

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 14:21

It can be very dangerous. Um most people that do contemplate suicide feel hopeless. They don't feel like there's anything to live for.

Speaker 1: 14:29

And I will say especially postpartum depression. I remember the hopelessness like you said was the part when I hit that it's bad.

Speaker 2: 14:38

That's where it all changed when you feel like you don't have anything to live for. And I had it.

Speaker 1: 14:45

I had it, but I couldn't. In my depression, I thought it would be better off for everyone, and so I remember it was around the holidays when.

Speaker 3: 14:59

I was struggling so bad with Will.

Speaker 1: 15:03

And just like we were talking about the facade of the let's do, let's do like covered it All the things?

Speaker 2: 15:09

yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:10

And it got really hard after.

Speaker 2: 15:12

Oh, yeah, because again we have that crash too.

Speaker 1: 15:15

So if you're already struggling postpartum depression, anxiety or even pregnancy- depression anxiety and right now, post-holidays, you're like this is a lot worse. Yeah, it's exacerbated. There's reason to that.

Speaker 2: 15:33

Oh, absolutely, and you're not alone. No, and I know this is very cliche, I get that. Oh, absolutely, and you're not alone. No, and I know this is very cliche, I get that, but there is truth to this that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem or feeling. Yes, so with that, if you do have feelings of suicide, whether you have a plan or not, whether you have a way to do it or not, you need to seek out a therapist, possibly talk to your doctor about a medication.

Speaker 3: 16:01

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:01

That's when I would refer to a doctor for to figure out what is the best option that you have. Yeah, you know, if you are pregnant or postpartum, go to your OB. They do know you. If you are not pregnant or you're like a few years postpartum and you know, maybe your relationship with your OB isn't as close as it used to be, you can still go to your PCP and general practitioner for those things. Right, you don't necessarily have to see a psychiatrist for that.

Speaker 1: 16:27

And you know, during this time, there's no shame about medication.

Speaker 2: 16:32

No, not at all. There's no shame. There's so many options too. And we have non-narcotic options, if that's a concern.

Speaker 1: 16:41

I think that people are afraid to say I'm on a medicine or I need help.

Speaker 3: 16:45

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 16:46

And so, if this time is feeling so hard for you, the first thing we need to say is like you are not alone.

Speaker 2: 16:51

You're not alone.

Speaker 1: 16:52

There is no shame, there is no judgment, nope, there is research of why this is so hard.

Speaker 2: 16:57

Yes. So if there was a whole research project done on this, that tells you there was actually a very big, sizable group of participants in the study. So if we have that group for the study, imagine how many more there are. That was not in the study.

Speaker 1: 17:14

And then you put yourself as a mom on the B.

Speaker 2: 17:17

Oh, and all those expectations and dynamics.

Speaker 1: 17:21

So I think it's just again like postpartum depression, like postpartum anxiety we have to talk about this.

Speaker 2: 17:26

Do so that. Normalize it this.

Speaker 1: 17:28

I mean, I always say, instead of what diaper are you using? It should be like what are we doing for mom's mental health? And that's the conversations that we have to be having. Absolutely so what are some other, just easy tips or tricks, and we're not talking about if you need suicidal intervention. We're not talking about if you need suicidal intervention.

Speaker 2: 17:46

Correct we're not talking about. If you're just dealing with the post-holiday kind of crash, let down blues If we want you to.

Speaker 1: 17:51

You know there's 9-8-8, which is the suicide hotline now. You can. There's always 911 if you need. Absolutely A emergency room. If you are, if you are suicidal and having a plan, we want you to seek immediate help, to seek immediate attention Immediate. This is for we're saying these tips if you know you're feeling down, down that crash.

Speaker 2: 18:14

So, like I mentioned, voice journaling, yes, give yourself the opportunity to get that out, to organize your thoughts. Realize there's not necessarily a fix or a solution to be had, it's just something we're working. Exactly it's going to pass.

Speaker 1: 18:29

Spring is coming.

Speaker 2: 18:30

Exactly. Well, and this is going to sound silly, but have you ever heard the going on a bear hunt song? Yes, okay, well, we can't go over it. We can't go under it, we're just going to have to go through. Yes, you are going to have to go through this and it's not pleasant, but you can and you are able to go through this.

Speaker 1: 18:50

And you can have help going through it.

Speaker 2: 18:51

Exactly so. Voice journal set up a therapy appointment within, you know, last week of December, first couple of weeks of January, to process this kind of stuff. I would encourage you, you know, be mindful of what you're eating, try to have some balance with it. Now, that being said, do I love me some peanut M&Ms? You better believe I encourage you, you know, be mindful of what you're eating, try to have some balance with it. Yeah, now, that being said, do I love me some peanut m&ms? You better believe I do, and I'm gonna name me some reese trees and peanut m&ms in my stocking this year try to throw in some fish yeah or chicken, because, if you're like me, I'm not a seafood person.

Speaker 1: 19:19

It's not my jam dark chocolate, apparently, is a great option.

Speaker 2: 19:22

I've been told um always double check with your doctor. But omega-3s if you're not a seafood person because I am not a seafood person omega-3 supplements do the same thing for our brain health.

Speaker 2: 19:33

Vitamin D if we cannot get out and get in the sunlight, Even 10 minutes a day of sunlight exposure, like natural and air, breathe that air I was about to say if you can go for a walk, if it's super cold where you're at, even just driving around, like if it's a sunny day but it's a cold day, get that sunlight drive yes, go for a drive.

Speaker 1: 19:54

Get out of the house yeah, as best you can if you know, if this always reasons like even I remember those days and I kind of relate to postpartum just getting up, get a shower, getting ready, getting ready, make your bed, whatever those little things get dressed in real clothes, not jammies, which I'm here for a good jammy day but when we're struggling, when we go through the motions of getting ready and putting something into us helps boost our mood.

Speaker 2: 20:24

Yeah, try to stick to a schedule if you can in that routine hygiene and then to try and still get out a little bit, whether that means you go eat with a friend after the holidays yes something yeah, even if you're going and walking around, target just something to get you out of the house, out of your four walls, yes. And then, if you feel overwhelmed with having to organize all the new toys and the gifts and all the things, break it down into doable, achievable steps.

Speaker 1: 20:56

You don't have to do it all at once no, and even writing if that helps you like sometimes just writing out a little to-do list like oh, I'm here for it and checking it off is therapeutic to me.

Speaker 2: 21:05

I will write things on that I for it and checking it off is therapeutic to me. I will write things on that I have done and check it off because I'm like heck, yeah, I did that and I'm getting credit for it and give yourself grace and be nice to yourself during this time funny movies happy songs, uh-huh and this may sound a little odd, but a little bit of kind of mindless or brainless tv that's funny to you so.

Speaker 2: 21:25

So like I love the TV show Scrubs yeah, love it, think it's hilarious. You know some people it's the Office or Schitt's Creek and different things like that. If it's something that you know, you can kind of tap out a little bit.

Speaker 3: 21:37

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:38

Like I've watched Scrubs I have no idea how many times so I can pop in on any episode, really already know what's going on. But it's funny, it's light-hearted, I can sit and fold laundry and I don't have to stay zoned in on it.

Speaker 1: 21:50

Yes, you're not trying to like put a plot together exactly so with that too.

Speaker 2: 21:54

Just choose lighter things to watch, like that would not be the time I would watch the casey anthony documentary. You got to be glued in on that and that's heavy stuff. Let's not add heavy to heavy. Okay, if you're already drowning, do you need someone to hand you an anchor or a buoy?

Speaker 1: 22:10

Oh yeah, don't hand, a drowning person, an anchor and that's a very important just what we consume.

Speaker 2: 22:17

Affects us.

Speaker 1: 22:18

Social media, tv music. The friend that always complains and never uplifts you.

Speaker 2: 22:24

Have those boundaries in boundaries in the family member.

Speaker 1: 22:27

That is just gonna make you feel worse brenda, we're talking about you, uh-huh but being aware during that time, you know, and I think it's, I have that safe person if it's not your therapist and say I'm feeling really down right now. Yeah, and you know, and a lot of times you don't want someone to fix it.

Speaker 2: 22:46

You just want to be heard Exactly, which is why voice journaling is so helpful.

Speaker 1: 22:51

Because you're not asking someone. It's our nature to fix, and especially personality types and often, like spouses, they want to fix it for you.

Speaker 2: 22:58

Yeah, and sometimes there's not something to fix Again, we just have to go through Like the bear hunt. Well, we're going on a bear hunt and we're going to get through the post-holiday crash Together.

Speaker 1: 23:09

Yes, all right, guys, till next time, see y'all. Maternal mental health is as important as physical health. The Preview Alliance podcast was created for and by moms dealing with postpartum depression and all its variables, like anxiety, anger and even apathy. Hosted by ceo founder sarah parkhurst and licensed clinical social worker whitney gay, each episode focus on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum. Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges, as well as access tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms. You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time. Please know you're not alone on this journey. We're here to help.