Speaker 1: 0:10

Hello guys, welcome back to Briefly Alliance podcast. This is Sarah and I've got your favorite maternal mental health therapist, whitney, with me. Hello Whitney, hey friends, okay, whitney, I said this to you in a text message the other day, which is always the best way that our podcast topics come about it's real life inspired, in case any of our listeners had any odd illusion that Whitney and me do not suffer from what you guys suffer from or it was. I cannot hear myself think and that's the title of the episode and I remember my mom saying that. I vividly remember my grandmother saying that to me. I thought what do?

Speaker 1: 0:47

you mean you can't hear yourself think.

Speaker 2: 0:50

And I'm pretty sure I heard a teacher or two in my lifetime say it.

Speaker 1: 0:54

And now I'm saying it to you and I'm saying, whitney, if this washing machine does not stop right now, I legit want to take it and throw it out the door. We'll have dirty laundry forever. And it's came upon where it's just like sensory overload has happened. Yeah, and it come upon me so quickly. I'm like wait, I'm not old, this is just a thing that's happening.

Speaker 2: 1:20

Right, and I think so much of it is because we're just getting pulled from all day long.

Speaker 2: 1:27

I heard another therapist or psychologist say before that the meltdown at the end of the day, or like losing your temper at the end of the day, is because you haven't regulated all day, like your dysregulation has finally gotten to that pressure point and it kind of explodes, has finally gotten to that pressure point and it kind of explodes and sensory overload goes into that.

Speaker 2: 1:48

So if you think about it as moms, whether we work inside the home or outside the home, it is someone always needs something from us, whether it be the washing machine, whether it be that we need to send something special to school, for a party or for holidays, or that our kid just wants us for something, whether it's to open a snack for them, or whether they're just saying hey, I'm going to the bathroom right now, or I need your help with homework. But then you've got the dog over there wanting to, because they also need to be fed, and then I've got supper on the stove and then my husband's like well, how was your day? And I'm like thank you for the interest, but I can't. I don't even know what I'm doing right.

Speaker 2: 2:29

I don't know what color the sky is, it could be a rainbow for all. I know, but, like right now, I have no idea what's happening.

Speaker 1: 2:36

And that makes total sense too, Cause I sometimes my oldest, I'll say, hey, how you know what Sometimes I do? And he goes mom, I really don't remember some parts of it and I'm like, but but then he will later. And so what I've learned with him, it is so sensory input at school. Right, it's his friends, it's the lights, it's his teacher, it's all this environment. And then it takes him being kind of in his safe space, his home space, he's deregulated his nervous system. And then he's like, oh, this happened in art or this happened in PE or me, and my friend did this.

Speaker 1: 3:13

And I feel like that's what happens with mobs is we never get to that safe space, we never get to that calm that we never clear our minds Right so we can't really even start processing what we're taking in.

Speaker 2: 3:31

Right? Well, because you think about it from the moment we wake up, it's we pick up because my alarms are set on my phone, like, just like everybody else Same, mine is too.

Speaker 2: 3:41

So you know, you pick up the phone and then it's like, okay, well, there's my alarm. So I had a sound and now I have a visual because I had to turn my alarm off. Well, then I put it back down and if I snooze it, well guess what I'm repeating that cycle. Or if I said, ok, I'm going to get up, now I have to unlock my phone to turn off the other alarms. Right, so it's engaging my brain immediately. Well then, chances are, because my kids don't understand sleeping in yet. So if they hear even the slightest little creak in the floorboards, they're up and at it and it's like I need breakfast, I need this, I need that, I want the TV on, I want this, and it is just automatically.

Speaker 2: 4:21

We have auditory input and a visual input and then you're up walking around so you have some tactile touch input. So we start the day off with that sensory input and at the start of the day, we're probably okay. I mean really, we're probably okay. At that time, right, right, the sleep is at us, which is why sleep is so important. But we can handle it there. But you think about it all day long. We've got something inputting, whether we're listening to music, which can be enjoyable, but it's an input, a podcast. We're mentally doing our to-do list, we're making sure that we do this, we, we do that. So it's kind of slowly ticking away at our mental battery. Well, by the time five or six o'clock in the evening rolls around, we're at 5%. If 5%, you know, we might be completely tapped. Yeah, and that is where you know, I've talked about it before the mom's witching hour. It's because our mental batteries drained.

Speaker 1: 5:28

Essentially, We've gave all we can give. It's like sometimes, you know, on a computer tab or your phone or whatever your laptop that's been like. You need to close the tab because you have a thousand tabs open and I think that is a good visual of how our brains are and it is the mental gymnastics that is going on and it goes back to default parent. It goes the mental load right. It's hard to see on the outside that we are thinking our heads. Okay, we're out of toilet paper. This is due for this kid. Oh, the seasons have changed, I need to switch this off. This is due for my work. Oh, shoot, have changed. I need to switch this off. This is due for my work. Oh shoot, I was supposed to text her back three days ago. I haven't got to that yet and it just constantly cycles.

Speaker 1: 6:13

And especially young children the needs for them to be kept alive and fed, you know that's not like you can put that in a box and say, OK, we're going to check out and deal with that. Only nine to five.

Speaker 2: 6:29

Right, exactly.

Speaker 1: 6:30

Yeah, we have to keep them alive all the time. It's a 24-7, 365. So it is. It feels like you're juggling a bunch of balls, and we've talked about this before. It's recognizing what balls can bounce and break Right. Yep, and balls can bounce, and they should bounce, and the ones that break, they can't break Right. So it is hard, though, because society likes to put so much pressure on us, we like to put pressure on ourselves. Of that, everything can break.

Speaker 2: 7:02

Right? Well, and I think again it is we do have to figure out what is breakable, yeah, what is breakable, what is bounceable, you know what is impactful. So there is something if we drop that ball, but it's also not the end of the world, and so we really have to tap into that prioritizing. But I don't know about you, but every time I try to do like the prioritizing or the planning or just organizing, that is when I am so needed and that's when I can't hear myself think and I'm like, oh, my goodness, I just need, I need five minutes, if y'all could just ultimately and maybe this is bad parenting, I don't know I'm going to be honest here, because that's what we do. We're transparent.

Speaker 3: 7:43

You know, I will tell my kids if you want to watch a Bluey, if you want to watch a Spidey and his friends on Disney.

Speaker 2: 7:49

If you want PBS kids, I will turn that on for you. But you need to let me sit at the table and get this done, and I've learned like I have to be in the dining room table because there's walls that separate. It's actually, you know, we have to walk from the living room to the dining room to get there, whereas if I do the table that's in our eating kitchen, I'm right there by the kids and if they know that I'm, you know, within three feet of them or they're going to be with me.

Speaker 1: 8:15

That's what Bill says. That's all the time he says you know, the moment I go to do something so say the boys are playing quietly. They go to do something so say the boys are playing quietly, they're engaged with something different and you're just like oh, it's my opportunity, I can do this one thing that will take me two minutes.

Speaker 1: 8:30

Right, it is like flies to honey they just they sense your productivity, or they sense an important phone call, or they sense the. You know, that's what we always say it's like it's like it attracts right. It's like it's like it attracts right. It's like, oh, I've tried, this is what I've tried to do, this. And yeah, that is especially when you feel like you can't hear yourself and I think being you know back to you said tactile.

Speaker 1: 8:54

You know the touch factor right, especially when babies and young kids, they're always kind of on you or touching you or mommy grabbing you. I mean, I have two little boys. They're super physical, so it's like I'm always like dodging a hit or a tackle. So I do think you get super touched out too. And these baby toys and these toddler toys and sometimes even their shows, the auditory levels, it's like the beeps, the like flashing and you're like, well, that's, you know it's addictive, right, because it's marketing and yeah, but it's overwhelming. So what is some things that you teach your clients? You do that, that sensory, because I think to moms are like am I going crazy? What's going on? Am I the only one that feels like, please, no one touch me, or like I can't hear myself think, or I need to step outside for a second because literally it just feels like a volcano to explode with my senses.

Speaker 2: 9:55

Right. So kind of what I have learned to do is I have to do one person slash thing at a time, and I even said it to my kids this morning because they were both asking me for something simultaneously, and even before motherhood. I cannot have a conversation with you and someone else come in and talk to me. My brain cannot handle two verbal inputs simultaneously.

Speaker 1: 10:17

I can't do it.

Speaker 2: 10:19

So I had to tell my kids I'm like, well, I can't hear both of you at the same time. You go first. Okay, now what is it that you need? Okay, and we just close that out. As far as, like, regulating and trying to bring myself down, I will be one to grab an ice pack out of the freezer and slap that on my neck so quick, because that one works better for me. And my kids have started seeing me do that and so they're like, oh, mom feels a little frustrated right now. So they can identify it.

Speaker 2: 10:49

And it's okay for our kids to know that we have emotions. It is fine. Your kids need to know that, because then they get to see you model that regulation. They get to see me put that ice pack in the back of my neck and go and I will do the deep breathing. And it may seem a little, you know, unorthodox to do it like smack in the middle of everything, but if I don't, that's where I'm going to lose my temper and yell, and I don't want to do that. I try to prevent that. I'm not, you know, perfect it, but we do what we can. But another thing too is the reason I think we get so dysregulated, sensory overload, overstimulated, is because there's not a whole lot of rest taking place. And I tell this to my clients all the time and I'm trying to practice what I preach. But rest is productive.

Speaker 1: 11:39

It is. But you know, and I think, were you ever taught growing up, or maybe you saw it and it was more of maybe not a Whitney, don't be lazy. But, it was like Whitney, you're a good, you're a hard worker, whitney, you're tidy. Whitney, you, you know you take it up, you don't complain, you get it going. You're the good girl, right, like lazy and rest. Somehow got synopsis with each other, right?

Speaker 2: 12:08

Right, well, and so I will say and I'm seeing things like this on Instagram and I don't think that social media is like the end all be all to mental health and all that but I do think this was a super valid point, that let's just say you're sitting on the couch and you're reading the book and all of a sudden, you hear somebody come in and you think I have to look busy, because if I don't you're going to think I'm lazy and that's a horrible character flaw of mine.

Speaker 2: 12:31

I can't be. My parents raised me better than to be lazy. You're allowed to sit and read a book because, one, your body is physically resting. Two, reading is so beneficial for our brains so that actually is productive.

Speaker 2: 12:46

But when we get up and think, oh, I have to look productive, that's actually a trauma response oh yeah that one hit hard, and there's a pediatrician I follow on instagram and he very much promotes don't overload your schedules. And that is something that my husband and I, really, from the get-go in parenthood, have said. You know what? Our kids can try out multiple camps during the summer because they're going to alternate weeks, but we only need to do one extracurricular per season per child. That's what we need to do, because we don't want to be at practice five nights a week and then at the ball field all day. Saturday and then Sunday is the only day that we get to be at home and that's going to be laundry day and all the things. That's not conducive, it's not.

Speaker 2: 13:32

And I really appreciated this pediatrician because he said we wonder why kids are starting to show anxiety and high functioning perfectionism so early on in life. It is because we have them go, go, go, go go. We have them in a state of fight or flight and increased cortisol from very early on in life and that's not good, right. And so I would encourage people to remember rest is productive because you're actually taking care of yourself and you're caring for your kids. So whether that means that you decide, okay, well, next season we're only going to taper it down to one extra versus two extracurriculars. You know, maybe that means that you do let your kids watch a movie and you're in the next room just chilling, or maybe you're on the couch with them and you're like, no, we're allowed to sit and enjoy this.

Speaker 1: 14:21

Or during my child's nap time. I'm going to rest too. I don't have to do the dishes at this moment. I don't have to.

Speaker 1: 14:28

You know, I remember I used to struggle with that, and I think it's like, especially in that early postpartum where you're used to judging, like you're used to being productive or you're used to having certain outcomes and being like oh, I've had a good day because I got X, y, z accomplished right, and then you don't have that same metric because you're not at your job or you know what you physically could do, you can't do anymore. And so then you like, you're like well, what did I do today? I kept a baby alive. I'm healing from a surgery, or I'm healing from birth, I'm in a transition. No, you like judge it of. Like, well, I did the dishes, or I had to vacuum. Like you get that and I'm calling myself out on that.

Speaker 2: 15:12

Because that's how we get our sense of self-worth from productivity.

Speaker 1: 15:17

Yes, and that is where, I think, the root of why certain people can't rest and it just feels again what is your worth tied to? What is your value tied to? What is like? What am I controlling? Controlling what you think of me by what my productivity is or what I think of myself, and it gets really it's not like it's so much deeper than well. Whitney just can't sit on the couch and chill.

Speaker 2: 15:47

Right, and I think too, because moms, we are always in demand. Sometimes, when we try to sit and chill our kids or life, it's just like no, no, no, you're not allowed to do that. It's crazy talk. How dare you think that you get to sit and do those things? So that's why I say you know it may not be ideal, but you're allowed to utilize TV. For those reasons. Your kids are not sitting in front of the TV for eight to 12 hours a day. They are okay to watch a movie. I promise, I promise you it is fine for them to do that. Or to watch a Bluey episode or PBS kids like, whatever it might be like, you're allowed to have that rest time. Because, guess what, if mom's not doing well, the whole family tends to go down with the ship.

Speaker 1: 16:33

Right, and I hear and I've said to myself well, if I don't do it, who's going to do it? Or it's not going to get done and that just because it's not done in this moment does not mean it's not going to get done.

Speaker 2: 16:45

Correct.

Speaker 1: 16:46

And I've had to reframe. So we've talked about reframing before and that is a way of you know you may look at a situation like you know I just did. Well, if I don't get up right now and do those dishes, no one's going to do it. Well, those dishes can sit for 20 more minutes and they will be OK.

Speaker 2: 17:05

You know what? Your house is not going to burn down? Because there are dishes in the sink you know we recently speaking of which our dishwasher tried to catch on fire Because why not? For funsies, really it was. We love that. That being said, it was like a 20 something year old dishwasher and so when we moved we knew it was on our docket to replace.

Speaker 2: 17:27

I just had hoped we were more in control of that time frame, but yet here we are. So guess what? We were hand washing dishes for about like a week and a half, and we used quite a bit of paper products, because I'm that weird person where I really prefer my cups and stuff to be sanitized in the dishwasher. That's a Whitney thing, and so it was one of those. I finally got to the point where I'm like you know what? It is actually OK if dishes are in the sink, like we rinsed them off.

Speaker 2: 17:55

And you know it wasn't like there was grime and all this buildup and roaches infesting the house. It was like we've rinsed our plates off. It's going to be okay. It will be okay. If I decide, you know what? We're going to let two days worth build up, then I will fill up the sink with some scalding hot water, then I'm going to wash them, then we can do all of those things, but until then, like it's actually okay, because the dishes in the sink were not going to be what caught my house on fire.

Speaker 1: 18:22

They could sit there dishwasher who knew who knew. I mean I think it's just I, even one of she's. Ever since I've been in menopause, I have went into really learning about my nutrition and like I've had to switch over to more strength phase versus typically I used to do like kind of CrossFit hit, but being in menopause, my, that puts my body in so much inflammation and stress Like it I it is, and I learned it and affects my mental health, affects me physically, so like walks instead of runs for me, or, like you know, slow and steady weights versus a million box jumps and burpees. And so I've been working with is my nutritious trainer, and she was, and she tells me all the time Sarah, rest is where your body repairs and rebuilds those fibers.

Speaker 1: 19:17

That is actually where the progress is is rest, because I have a very hard time taking rest days because and then I for some reason I feel like you know, if I don't physically do something, lift that weight that day, that my strips gonna go away or that yeah, yeah, like I have this kind of but it goes back to rest is actually where our power is and I because then that next workout after rest I come back, I can lift longer, I'm going to do stronger, I'm recovered, I'm not doing insult to injury, correct, correct. And I think that's the same thing with our mental health. We're just injuring, we're just spiraling down when we don't pause it to hear ourself. I mean meditation, you can say what you want, you can be like that's woohoo, that's this. Give it a try.

Speaker 1: 20:11

Our Preview Moms, we have a whole meditation series on your dashboard that you can go through. But you can Google meditation for 30 seconds, one minute on online for free, on YouTube right now, and I challenge yourself to silence your mind, to just sit still for 30 seconds to a minute, and I promise you give it a week. Yeah, and you will love it Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 20:35

Well, you know. Rewinding to the beginning of this episode, where I said you know, the sensory overload is not as bad when we first get up in the morning, because sleep is rest and it is productive. Same thing. Like you know, I hate that they do away with rest and nap times like after kindergarten, because I think we all need that.

Speaker 1: 20:52

I do, oh my gosh, a pause. Or you know workaholics. I remember I would have a hard time taking a lunch break and I'd be like, no, no, no, I need to, I need to catch up on my notes or I need to make sure my emails don't get out of control, right? Instead of taking that pause, walking away, going for a short walk at lunch or reading a book, or having a nice conversation with a coworker you know just about life, right? And then I would have came back onto my shift and been more steady, more calm, I wouldn't be easily triggered as much, I wouldn't be so frustrated, right? So the benefits of rest is really to tune out those sensory. It is saying. I think you look at your senses, right, and you say what can I do to take a pause from what I'm seeing? Well, get it off social media, don't just endlessly scroll on our breaks, do it with your calling it's not your friend.

Speaker 1: 21:47

Take a break from that, because you are visually, you're auditory overwhelmed and you're emotionally overwhelmed right, because we are not supposed to be seeing what we have access to this world and social media is not made for your mental health. It's actually made against your mental health. Comparisons there's tragedies everywhere we look. There's people bringing up very triggering, very opposite views of you at times. That can you just don't get a break from that. So I definitely say take those breaks from social media, don't do scroll.

Speaker 1: 22:25

Time it, time limits. Whitney's taught me that. Time limits that I think. I also love how you've before talk about voice journaling. I think that's a great way for sensory Cause I feel like sometimes you feel like you can't get it out and getting it out Even if it's just like a blurb and there's also these really great programs now that you can take like a voice note and AI can make it into like a to-do list for you, that's pretty cool so.

Speaker 3: 22:52

Whitney being like.

Speaker 1: 22:53

I got X, y, z. You know, you get it out and it comes out and it's like here's this little list. If that don't make you, you know if that is something you want.

Speaker 1: 23:00

Uh-huh, that's a great tool. And then I think the other aspect of it is the meditation is huge, affirmations is huge, but nature, I think nature, you know in a sense, going for a walk, walking outside, and even I've seen more people push like take the headphones off, like don't listen to a podcast, don't listen to music. Even in the beginning, five, ten minutes of just looking around, what do you smell, what do you see? You know it's the leaves changing, or it's the sun, it's the small details. It is.

Speaker 2: 23:37

That's not as overwhelming well, even like today, I took our trash out and you know it's still dark in the morning times and since we've moved and we're closer to a mountainside kind of thing, you can really see the sky and I was able to look up and just see all the stars and just take a moment of appreciation for the clarity of being able to see that and just be in nature just for two minutes. You know, literally from walking my trash can down to the road and back up, just being able to take that in.

Speaker 1: 24:07

Yeah, or the pauses. I think the pauses are really important too. It's Bill always tells me you know, you think five seconds matter. You know of like we got to get there or we got to do this Well in some cases it does.

Speaker 1: 24:20

Five seconds does matter in some instances, but a majority of things it doesn't, right, you can pause for a second and not always be in a fight or flight and rushing and your cortisol level is spiking, right, because it's just like we're late, we're going to get there, we got to run in and I was saw this on. It was a pediatrician. It might be the same when you were talking about earlier, but it's just talking about how rushing kids is leading, like being late be on time, let's hurry, let's go, let's do is really peaking their cortisol and anxiety levels.

Speaker 3: 24:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:52

And it's the same thing we do, too, right? We're over and so de-busying our schedule, right? Do we have to be involved with 10 things, or is there five top priorities this season we can do? Let's cut that in half, right? Or it's okay not to RSVP to everything, right, and set that boundary of the weekends are going to be X, y and Z for our families.

Speaker 2: 25:14

Right.

Speaker 3: 25:15

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 25:18

Or you know, or if it is, I'm going to pick up food versus making every meal this week, because that means I get to actually sit down and I get to have that meal and be with my kids. That's worth it. So it's the simple choices that ultimately, is going to lead to ways to make you hear yourself think again. Ultimately is going to lead to ways to make you hear yourself think again.

Speaker 2: 25:41

Right, oh, absolutely, you know we're allowed to do those things. You got to work smarter, not harder.

Speaker 1: 25:47

I love that and what else do you think? Either way, we love the ice. So grounding and you guys can go back, and there's some toolbox tips, episodes that Whitney goes into more. But the grounding techniques which I even texted Whitney this not too long ago. I was like I felt like I was just having a panic attack for the first time in my life. I was like I couldn't breathe, I felt my chest was heavy and you were saying you know the ice or smelling something. So talk a little bit about that in case listeners have never heard that from you before.

Speaker 2: 26:18

So the purpose of tactile grounding is to kind of give your central nervous system a little bit of a break or a distraction. We can do that with smell, we can do that with touch, we can do that with temperature. So that's where the ice pack really tends to be an easy one, because you can grab an ice pack or you can get a Coke can out of the fridge bottle of water, you can get a wet paper towel. We have a lot of variety that we can use with this. Ideally I like for people to put it on the front of their neck, where we have a pulse point right there, because that can initiate that vagal response and bring that heart rate down. But if it's one of those that's just not doable, back of the neck is always a good one, on your chest is a good one On your face. The pulse points on your wrist is another good option because it immediately makes your brain think oh, that's a different temperature, it's cold, it's shocking a little bit. And then we're also going into deep breathing and if we can take some deep breaths, getting more oxygen to our brain slows down that thought process. It also brings oxygen to the heart. So we're slowing down that heart rate. So if we can slow down, the physical, mental tends to follow. But let's just say you're riding in the car and you don't have something cold or wet that you can use.

Speaker 2: 27:33

One thing I encourage people to have is hand sanitizer, because a lot of us most likely have it on hand and rubbing alcohol number one can combat any nausea that you might be feeling. But again, it's a difference of what does that smell, what does that remind me of? We get to use these simple questions again just to distract our brain from going off the deep end a little bit here. Peppermint oil is another good one, that's a great one, just to again that thought pattern, give you a distraction. But I would also encourage, like, if you have an opportunity, vicks vapor rub is a great thing to have on hand because you put that on your chest. So we've got that tactile, we got a little bit of that tingle sensation. But then we have the smell too vicks, because it is made to break up like chest congestion. It has a relaxant in it, so it automatically kind of brings that down too. So just keep that in mind too. That Vicks Vapor Rub is another really good option too.

Speaker 1: 28:31

And I remember, before you saying about how you know, I had to say this to myself this is not an emergency, because sometimes our bodies will tell us something is an emergency, that is not an emergency and it can just feel very overwhelming 15 things are at you, you're needed, you have to go and you feel fireflight right. You feel that in just saying this is not an emergency, I am safe, I am OK, and taking those deep breaths and you may be listening, going, is that, does that really work? It does work.

Speaker 2: 29:03

It does, absolutely it does, because, again, we're not looking to cure anxiety with this. We are looking to take the edge off and to start to regulate. That's the goal of it. This is not going to fully heal the root of your anxieties, but if we can take that edge off and we regulate and you don't yell at your kids or we don't have a panic attack, or we cut that panic attack short a little bit, that can help us.

Speaker 1: 29:30

Yeah, and it's also too. I think you know how our neuron pathways are right. It's just like I've always seen, you know, you see, in the yard, where maybe the dog always goes out that one way, and they've got their little path where you walk one way and there's this path constantly Right and the path is there and it's easy for that dog to go to that same spot or you to walk that same path. Well, that's the same way thoughts work, right. It's like you're going to go to that already dug in the ground route. There's narrow pathways, they're called that. So think of that visual. So when that say, your little dog's going to go to another place to potty, now, right, it's going to be more difficult in the beginning.

Speaker 3: 30:10

Yeah, we're kind of retiring something.

Speaker 2: 30:14

We're getting a little uncomfortable.

Speaker 1: 30:17

And with anything that's new. I mean my oldest. We were doing some of his homework and he was like my brain just hurts, like this is hard in that moment I was like that's growth.

Speaker 1: 30:29

You're rewiring how your brain is thinking. So anything that you're experiencing now, the thoughts, the anxiety, the depression it's a pathway that your, that your thoughts and minds have been going. We've got hormones at play, you know. But you, the thoughts of you know, positive thoughts, clearing your mind, new tools in your toolbox of what they just gave you. You can start making those pathways to rewire that. That is where you go.

Speaker 1: 31:01

You go to I am safe, I am okay. You go to I need to do something to physically regulate. I'm going to grab that ice. I'm going to hard candy, sour candy, I have that. Or I'm going to debrief, or you know what. I'm not going to go scroll, I'm going to take a pause. I'm going to go for a walk. So habits, you know. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit. Yep. Same thing we can do here with thinking of rest as productive, as recognizing. Hey, I'm not a bad mom, I got sensory overloaded. I'm learning how to regulate Right and start noticing the small things you do differently, absolutely, and pat yourself on the back and say you know, that's a big one. I am making a change. Recognize, talk to yourself like you would want someone to speak to you or speak to your children. Like you know, I always say the way we talk to our inner self. Sometimes we never let someone talk to us that way or never want our child spoken to that way. But why do we do that to ourselves?

Speaker 2: 32:08

Right. We have to be clear to ourselves, because you know what Our kids also pay attention to how we talk to ourselves or about ourselves. They pick it up very quickly.

Speaker 1: 32:18

Which all these things. Again, if you're thinking, well, wow, I just didn't even know how to deal with that because we're not taught that, that's not something that's in our curriculum in schools which it should be, and it's something you learn in therapy, or it's something you learn, you know, from people in your life. Who's teaching you this. So, if this is something you're struggling with, there's also a great opportunity to find a therapist. And when they're looking for a therapist and they're like I want to really work on thoughts, or I really want to work on sensory, or I want to work on, how do they go about finding a therapist that would be right for them with their specific goals?

Speaker 2: 32:55

So we have a couple of options. So first place I encourage people to go is psychologytodaycom, because then you can filter through location, you can filter through their specialties. If you want a male or female therapist, if you have a preference of that, so then that should narrow it down to kind of maybe we'll say like a top five, so to speak. Then you can either call that provider yourself or you can call your insurance and see who is in network, because sometimes a therapist is credentialed with your insurance and sometimes they're not.

Speaker 2: 33:28

It really is just a coin toss. If they are not in network but you really think they're the best fit for you, then I would say well, what is your cash rate? So, like for us we do. I think it's a hundred dollars for your first session and then 75 after. So we try not to be astronomical and as a therapist, if I know someone has cash rate, I try to keep them just to monthly so that we're not overdoing that, because I mean 75 is a lot per month if you think I'm sure people, people up north oh my gosh, can I go down south and get therapy?

Speaker 1: 34:02

Because it's a lot more money than I know out in California. So they're probably like Whitney, would you like to get multi-licensures in states?

Speaker 2: 34:11

now for me. I can't imagine having to manage multiple licenses. That's another thing is that a therapist. Our license only covers us in the state that we are in. So I am licensed for Alabama, so I can see you from the very top in Florence all the way down to Mobile. But as soon as you cross a state line to Georgia, Florida, Tennessee, Mississippi, anywhere else, my privileges are cut.

Speaker 1: 34:35

Okay, what about? How do they know what kind of therapy they're going to get right? Because, like, what kind of therapy do you? You, you know you do a lot of cognitive, behavioral um, you do a lot of teaching.

Speaker 1: 34:46

you're like you're, you're an equipper and an empowerer, and some therapists I know, I'm, you know, and it's important to say everybody's different and you may not mesh with one, or you may mesh with someone different and that's it's not personal to them. It shouldn't be personal to you. It just doesn't work for you. But some therapists just want you to talk a lot when I like someone to say teach me how to change right.

Speaker 2: 35:10

So for me I typically begin out solution focused or kind of crisis intervention, because I believe if I can equip someone to kind of get out of their crisis, to use these coping skills or grounding skills, I'm going to pull you out of that. Now let's dig a little bit more into these roots. So if you're someone that's like I really need skills, I want to be equipped, solution focused or crisis intervention would be kind of key terms I would look for. If you want to do a little bit more digging as far as maybe like childhood traumas and things of that nature, emdr is always a really great option for that. Inner child is a great one, and internal family systems that's another one that I do with people.

Speaker 2: 35:55

If you have religious-based trauma, then that's definitely something that you can look for within that. So with that I would look at PTSD. Do they have a specialty in PTSD or complex PTSD? Cbt tends to be pretty widely accepted. I will say if you think that you could potentially be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, you want to look for something called DBT and that's dialectical behavior therapy. So it's a very specific skill set for borderline. If you've never been diagnosed with that and it's never come across your radar. That would not be a make or break for me, because someone should be able to at least assess what is going on and say, hey, I'm kind of seeing these tendencies or these behaviors, or whatever you want to call it. You know, let's look at this.

Speaker 1: 36:42

Okay, and then always maternal mental health. That is, if you are a mother trying to get pregnant, you're pregnant, you're postpartum rising zero to five. Having someone with maternal mental health training experience. Postpartum Support International has a great training program, that's you know. You can look at their directory Psychology Today, same thing you can.

Speaker 1: 37:04

You can click in maternal mental health for someone to recognize that and someone to treat that and understand, because we want to again see if anything has, if you are suffering from anxiety or depression or OCD or you know. Again, we've talked about intrusive thoughts in the past. We have a really great what Is series that we did in May of last year and to go back and kind of learn that too. But having someone who has awareness of maternal mental health, I think if you are a mom trying to become a mom, very important that they can speak to that too.

Speaker 2: 37:39

Absolutely. So you can look for those keywords of maternal mental health postpartum perinatal maternal mental health PMADS is the abbreviation for it PPA, ppd, things like that.

Speaker 1: 37:53

And you can always ask. You know and you can. When you have that intro, you have that first with the therapist. It can feel scary, it can feel weird, right, but you can always say this is what I feel like I'm struggling with. Or I heard this on one of the podcasts and it really spoke to me. You can dive deeper and see if that person is right for you and if it's not, there's a lot of great providers out there.

Speaker 1: 38:16

But you'll never regret diving a little deeper. You'll never regret trying again. You can't fail with wanting to better your mental health. I think you know you're not going to fail.

Speaker 3: 38:27

So take that away.

Speaker 1: 38:29

I think it's great, whitney. This has been a great topic. I think we all need it and we're going to take our rest. We're all going to challenge everybody to find a time today or this week to rest and just to frame to ourselves. Rest is productive. I'm worthy of rest and this is a good thing. So, whitney, as always, my friend, we'll be back next time. Sounds good, see ya.

Speaker 3: 38:53

Maternal mental health is as important as physical health. The Preview Alliance podcast was created for and by moms dealing with postpartum depression and all its variables, like anxiety, anger and even apathy. Hosted by ceo founder sarah parkhurst and licensed clinical social worker whitney gay, each episode focus on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum. Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges, as well as access tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms. You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time. Please know you're not alone on this journey. We're here to help.