Previa Alliance Podcast
There are few experiences as universal to human existence as pregnancy and childbirth, and yet its most difficult parts — perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs) — are still dealt with in the shadows, shrouded in stigma. The fact is 1 in 5 new and expecting birthing people will experience a PMAD, yet among those who do many are afraid to talk about it, some are not even aware they’re experiencing one, and others don’t know where to turn for help. The fact is, when someone suffers from a maternal mental health disorder it affects not only them, their babies, partners, and families - it impacts our communities.
In the Previa Alliance Podcast series, Sarah Parkhurst and Whitney Gay are giving air to a vastly untapped topic by creating a space for their guests — including survivors of PMADs and healthcare professionals in maternal mental health — to share their experiences and expertise openly. And in doing so, Sarah and Whitney make it easy to dig deep and get real about the facts of perinatal mental health, fostering discussions about the raw realities of motherhood. Not only will Previa Alliance Podcast listeners walk away from each episode with a sense of belonging, they’ll also be armed with evidence-based tools for healing, coping mechanisms, and the language to identify the signs and symptoms of PMADs — the necessary first steps in a path to treatment. The Previa Alliance Podcast series is intended for anyone considering pregnancy, currently pregnant, and postpartum as well as the families and communities who support them.
Sarah Parkhurst
Previa Alliance Podcast Co-host; Founder & CEO of Previa Alliance
A postpartum depression survivor and mom to two boys, Sarah is on a mission to destigmatize the experiences of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), and to educate the world on the complex reality of being a mom. Sarah has been working tirelessly to bring to light the experiences of women who have not only suffered a maternal mental health crisis but who have survived it and rebuilt their lives. By empowering women to share their own experiences, by sharing expert advice and trusted resources, and by advocating for health care providers and employers to provide support for these women and their families, Sarah believes as a society we can minimize the impact of the current maternal mental health crisis, while staving off future ones.
Whitney Gay
Previa Alliance Podcast Co-host; licensed clinician and therapist
For the past ten years, Whitney has been committed to helping women heal from the trauma of a postpartum mental health crisis as well as process the grief of a miscarriage or the loss of a baby. She believes that the power of compassion paired with developing critical coping skills helps moms to heal, rebuild, and eventually thrive. In the Previa Alliance Podcast series, Whitney not only shares her professional expertise, but also her own personal experiences of motherhood and recovery from grief.
Follow us on Instagram @Previa.Alliance
Previa Alliance Podcast
Pregnant for the Holidays? What to Tell Your Boss (and When)
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The holidays are here—and for many moms-to-be, that means sharing pregnancy news with family. But after the excitement comes another big question: when and how do I tell my boss?
In this episode, Sarah talks with Aria Allen, attorney and workplace rights advocate, about what every pregnant employee should know. From timing your announcement to accommodations and maternity leave, this conversation will leave you feeling prepared and confident heading into the season.
Filing A Charge of Discrimination | U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
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Welcome to Pregnancy and Work Talk
Speaker 1Hey guys , welcome back to Preview Lions podcast . This is Sarah and I know we're in the holiday season , so you're like , Sarah , wait , we're talking about workplace and pregnancy . Yes , we're going to talk about that because we know all the cute like hey , I'm pregnant at Christmas or I've got , you know , a little bun in the oven at Thanksgiving you all did . Now it's time to get real about it in the workplace . So I brought back our favorite lawyer , Aria Ellen . She is going to give us a lowdown . Welcome , my friend .
Speaker 2Thank you , Sarah , so much for having me Glad to be back .
Speaker 1We're super excited , okay , so we know it's all fun and games . And then now it's real and we feel the pressure of okay , we're pregnant , am I going to lose my job ? When do I tell my boss ? Am I showing ? How am I going to go to the bathroom and throw up for the fifth time today ? All the good things .
Speaker 2It's all real and it can hit all at once . If this is the first pregnancy or if this is another pregnancy that you're excited about , it's like oh gosh , didn't I just get back from maternity leave ? How does it all work ? So I'm happy to unpack this with you , figure out if there are some tips and tricks that can work for everyone . I'll do my fun and favorite lawyer disclosure . I am a lawyer , but I am not your lawyer , so please feel free to seek your own legal advice . I'm going to try to keep this really general and high level for your listeners .
Speaker 1Perfect . So , before we dive , share about why you're passionate about this and give if they've not heard your first episode with me . Give us a little bit about you and why you care about this so much .
Speaker 2Yeah , absolutely so . I'm a civil rights lawyer by training . I was in private practice for several years . I worked at the federal courts for two years before being in private practice and while I was in private practice as a lawyer in our home state of Alabama , I really focused my practice on labor and employment and civil rights laws . So this is an area where I've been working in really for about 10 years and have always just been passionate about what our civil rights laws are , what those protections are and how we harmoniously weave those into having more successful workplaces and working environments . So I love it . I've shifted gears a little bit in the last 18 months and I actually now work at Auburn University where I lead our Office of Equal Opportunity Compliance . We are Auburn University's civil rights office here on campus and we serve our campus community , including some of the extension services , so we're really all over the state of Alabama leading compliance , and pregnancy-related compliance is part of what we do . So this has been my world for about 10 years now .
Speaker 1Most importantly , you're a woman , you're a mom . You've navigated this pregnancy , postpartum personally , so we know you're the best person to go to this , Okay . So one of the biggest questions women have is , like okay , so it happened , I'm pregnant again , or first time , either way . When and how do they tell their employer and you know what should they consider making kind of that decision of when and how do they tell their employer and you know what should they consider in making kind of that decision of when and how ? Because I feel like that's something . People go one , two ways , Like you're like I'm just not going to do it until like it's obvious and it's so awkward that it's there , or I'm going to blurt it out the first time I see them , maybe in a work meeting , in front of everybody .
Speaker 2Yeah , those are really hard questions to navigate , especially because they're so personal . This is really where your personal life really can come into play . In a workplace , some people are more private than others . As you say , other people want to share happy news as soon as possible . I would strongly encourage folks to , if you aren't already , spend some time with your own HR policies at work , because there might be some policy requirements at your particular employer that you might need to be mindful of , particularly if you need to request paid or unpaid leave for postpartum considerations . Some employers like a certain amount of lead time for planning purposes , so there might be some answers in your own workplace policies already . So that's always a good starting point .
Speaker 2From a legal perspective , there is no real right or wrong answer . For the most part , there is no requirement that you must disclose by the 20th week of pregnancy or week 36 . There's nothing like that . So really , this is going to be based on what you need so that your employer can support you and work with you on your own particular journey . That's my best answer is there's no right or wrong . I would again encourage you and your listeners just to think about what's going to make the most sense in my workplace .
Speaker 2As far as who you tell or how you tell them , that's also really up to you . A common scenario is going to your HR professional . That might be your office manager . If you're a smaller shop , it might be . You have a really large HR team . You can always go to HR . They can help you navigate how you tell other people what that timeline looks like , what paperwork might be required for leave and things like that . And , sarah , as you mentioned , I had to do that twice myself , so I know it can be scary . I know it can be overwhelming .
Speaker 2And I literally knew what my rights were , because I practiced this .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah no it is , and it's one of those challenging things that I don't . There's so much I feel like of motherhood and parenthood . You just don't think about it before it happens , right and like . This is not one of those things , but this is a conversation . We want you , even if you're considering getting pregnant , have this in the back of your mind so you're feeling more prepared , because it can be a really sensitive subject . So you know , like me , I'd had a miscarriage and then I was pregnant again . So I had an extra level of almost anxiety about that following pregnancy , right . So luckily I was able to share that with my manager and we can kind of figure out some things that way . But there's different layers to everybody's journey . So that is what's really important is saying you know , how is your mental health in this Like ? Is it a super physical job ? Is it a sit at the desk job ? Is this a like ?
Speaker 1I was a nurse at the time so I had to be careful about like radiation or if I was giving chemo to patients . Obviously I didn't want to be doing that when I was pregnant . So I had to have some kind of disclosures . But then I was also in a place where I felt supported to say you know what , guys , I'm also really scared of losing this baby , so it was an odd place to navigate . But again , I didn't have anybody like a podcast like this to hear and be like , okay , where are you , dude ? Like tell me what to do . So I think it's again so important . So what legal protections do pregnant
When to Tell Your Employer
Speaker 1employees have at work ? Because I think we hear about it , we hear bills , we hear thoughts , but we're like , okay , so break it down .
Speaker 2Like what do we have rights as a pregnant worker ? There are several federal laws that engage with and extend protections for pregnancy and for pregnancy related medical conditions . So I promise we are not going to bore everyone with a deep dive into the weeds of all these different laws , but just an overview of some of them are Title VII of the Civil Rights Act , which protects against discrimination by your employer on several different categories , one of which is sex or gender . There's also the Pregnancy Discrimination Act . That was kind of folded into that in the oh gosh , I want to say the 90s , but don't quote me on that exactly . There's also another law that people have probably heard of called the Americans with Disabilities Act .
Speaker 2So while pregnancy itself is not considered a disability under the ADA , there are pregnancy-related medical conditions for which you can get reasonable workplace accommodations . Gestational diabetes is a common example . We see it can be things related to sciatica or other physical conditions . So while pregnancy is not covered , some of the symptoms or ailments or just conditions of pregnancy might be covered by the ADA . One of the newer laws that was actually passed in the last couple is called the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act .
Speaker 2You'll hear people talk about the PWFA and that act actually went a little bit beyond what Title VII and the ADA were already doing basically says and again , this is really high level , but that if an individual , if a pregnant woman , goes to her supervisor and requests workplace accommodations , there's not a formal , rigid process where you have to do all of this paperwork and go through a really intense interactive process .
Speaker 2I like to explain it as it's the low-hanging fruit . It's the . I'm going to need time off for my prenatal appointments . You know what ? I'm going to need to be able to access the restroom more frequently because I'm growing a baby . I need to be able to sit down a little bit more . If I have a really physical job , I need reasonable breaks for water . I might have to come in a little bit late here or there as I'm dealing with morning sickness , to come in a little bit late here or there as I'm dealing with morning sickness . So it's a really broad level of protection for women to say all you have to do is put your supervisor on notice and they have to work with you for reasonable accommodations .
Speaker 1Yeah , I think that is something that for so long we thought maybe just didn't apply to us , right ? And it's sometimes that old school mentality , like you know , I , and it's sometimes that old school mentality , like you know , I suffered through it , like you guys should suffer through it .
Speaker 2There have been some major changes even in the last couple of years . I want to say the PWFA was enacted in 2023 , if I'm remembering correctly , so that's pretty recent and it might be one of those things that not all supervisors are trained on it yet . So you might have to work with your HR folks for some education , because it's what can be really easy is . Folks like me will drill into people oh , if somebody needs a workplace accommodation , we have to go through the process . We need this paperwork , that paperwork and this is how we do it .
Speaker 2Well , the PWFA was designed because pregnancy and pregnancy related medical conditions conditions are short-term . Hopefully , this is not something that we need to spend two months of your pregnancy dealing with the paperwork . By then you might not need the accommodation because your morning sickness might have passed . So it's trying to get the people in the room to say what do you need on this short-term basis ? How do we best accommodate you , to support you through this ? And then , once you return , you might not have those accommodations for forever because you're considered back and you're moving forward with your original job responsibilities . You might not have that upgraded parking anymore , you might not have the same breaks , but we want to work with you while you're pregnant to get you what you need .
Speaker 1I love that . What about ? Who can women turn to if they feel like , okay , they're like Aria , I did that , I tried that . Have you ever met this lady ? Have you ever met this man that I'm having to talk to , right ? Or my coworker is already giving me the side eye when I go to the bathroom , or you know , like when they're feeling it's kind of hostile . They feel like they've asked , they've said and they're kind of hitting this point of , well , what's next ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I would hope that they would have a lot of options . Again , my experience , representing a lot of different employers some mom and pop shops , some really large employers is that typically HR wants to help you and to do the right thing . So if you're getting pushback from a particular colleague or a supervisor , your first stop I would typically recommend is going to HR , go to your human resources folks and say , hey , I had this conversation with my supervisor , I'm disclosing this , this is what I'm experiencing . What can we do to help ? Because , again , you might have policies at your employer that are going to speak to this , where it's not just the law protecting you but your workplace policies as well .
Speaker 1I love that . And you know , something I never did is I never looked before I signed an employment contract and saying , okay , what is my maternity leave , what is my pregnancy rights ? Like that was not something when I was a young 20 something year old looking for jobs in my head , thinking that should be important . So we do have listeners who are again the very early stage . That is something when
Legal Protections for Pregnant Workers
Speaker 1you're considering a couple of different employers to say , well , what do you offer ? Or when I become a mom , is there other moms working there ? Does it seem like they get to go to their kids functions ? Does it seem like she feels comfortable coming back pregnant and then postpartum Stuff like that that just never entered my brain .
Speaker 2Yeah , and again you have listeners all over the country . There are different regulations at the state level in some states , so there are states that do have guaranteed paid maternity or paternity leave programs . Alabama has some to an extent . It's not statewide , but we did actually this past legislative session pass paid maternity leave for certain state employees , including teachers , so now all of our public school teachers have access to paid maternity leave . That's a really big thing because , as we know , statistically so many of our teachers are women . So you might not have everything within your own company but , depending on where you are living , you also might have some state law protections . But since I'm not barred in every state , I certainly can't speak to each state and what they have on the books .
Speaker 1Right . So what you know , now we're on maternity leave . So you know , let's say we've had the discussion , we told our employer we're pregnant . It's physically very obvious we're pregnant . We're very , very pregnant at this point and it kind of becomes a conversation of okay , how do I go about maternity leave ? What should we know about FMLA or short-term disability or what's ? If you know and I know a lot of people they need to check this because I know that you know , at the VA , back when I was with them , if you hadn't been with them for a certain amount of employee time , certain things , benefits of like leave did not count for you . So this conversation , I know it's tricky , it's not going to fit everybody's box , but where can they start navigating ? Because we both know how critical it is . Just like you know , we both had difficult postpartum journeys . Like you don't know what's going to be handled to you .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's a great question and , as you noted , there's no one size fits all answer , but a few baseline things to keep in mind . One , and I can't emphasize this enough your company might have a policy that is more expansive than what the law requires .
Speaker 1When I was with my law firm .
Speaker 2I was about floored because my law firm generously gave all associates 16 weeks of paid maternity leave .
Speaker 1Wow .
Speaker 2That is above and beyond what any federal law or state law would require . But the law firm wanted women to come back . They wanted us to have the time we needed to be successful as parents and then to come back and continue practicing . That was great . That was just a law firm policy . I didn't have to take FMLA leave . I didn't have to navigate complex laws or paperwork , because that was just a gift from my employer and , looking back on it , I am so thankful for that time that I had with my second child .
Speaker 2Other employers don't have those same policies . Some might have better policies . Some might have six weeks or eight weeks , it just depends . So again , looking at what your employer offers is probably the most important first step . But that employer also might have in order to be eligible for this leave policy , you have to have been employed here for X amount of time . That was not true at my law firm , but it is true at Auburn University . You have to be employed here for oh gosh , I want to say it's a full year before certain policies apply to you . And there are a lot of reasons for that . One of them is because it actually does mirror what the FMLA requires . So to be eligible for FMLA leave , which is unpaid leave , you do have to work both a minimum number of hours and you have to have been employed for a year .
Speaker 2So there are some considerations , when you are maybe making some family planning choices , to think about . Have I been with my employer long enough to qualify either for some federal right protections or for our own policies and what they offer ? So it's important to know . That's actually a conversation I have with new hires in my office . I'm like FYI , based on you know , information you voluntarily shared . Plant this in the back of your head because I don't want you not to be eligible for leave or be in a position where you wouldn't qualify . So step one always check with your own employer what your policies are . Pretty much every employer has a handbook or policies readily available or if you ask HR for them , they will provide them to you .
Speaker 2If you do work for an employer that does not have its own parental leave program and you are looking at FMLA again , there are some considerations you need to keep in mind . One you have to have worked there for a year . You have to have hit a certain number of hours . I want to say it's 1,250 hours in that year . So you have to be a little bit more than part-time , right . You can't just be a 20-hour per week employee .
Speaker 2Fmla does have some paperwork requirements . Again . That's more just making sure the employer has what it needs and a lot of it is related to insurance benefits and who's paying for what and all of those things . Having a good benefits team is really part of the magic in HR , as you might imagine , but typically you would submit a request . Magic in HR , as you might imagine , but typically you would submit a request and ideally , if you are not having a pregnancy-related complication before your due date or an emergency situation , you'll kind of know when your due date is and you'll be able to plan and request the leave and you are eligible for up to 12 weeks of unpaid job-protected leave .
Speaker 1Which I think that's what comes to people's mind as they're going . How am I going to afford this for 12 weeks if I don't get the paycheck ? You know there's just a lot that comes to play and I guess the bigger question is is like do they have to keep my job for me or can they replace me ? You know that's that's in the back of their mind .
Speaker 2Yeah , and those are legitimate worries and fears . I again that's , that's in the back of their mind . Yeah , and those are legitimate worries and fears . I again completely understand
Workplace Accommodations and Rights
Speaker 2that . I now we're not just playing for us , my husband and I , our own selves , our own mortgage , we're now responsible in our case for now , two beautiful little other children .
Speaker 2And we got to be able to pay for them , and in our house that takes two working parents . We got to be able to pay for them , and in our house that takes two working parents . So I understand those anxieties so much firsthand . It can be scary to think about 12 unpaid weeks . I think there are a lot of ways to think about it and again , families need to plan what's best for them . It's going to work in their scenario .
Speaker 2Just because you're eligible for 12 weeks consecutively does not mean you have to take them consecutively . Of weeks consecutively does not mean you have to take them consecutively . You could maybe decide I'm going to take four or six or eight weeks and then maybe your spouse whether they work at the same company or a different company might also be eligible to take a certain number of weeks . So you can stack some FMLA leave time . You could also use some of that time consecutively and then hold some of the other time on a rolling basis to say , well , I want to come back but I might need to take some additional leave . You know , on this date for the baby's appointments or oh , I know the baby's been in daycare but you know , hand , foot , mouth is going around . It came to our house . I'm going to need , you know , four or five days off , so there is some flexibility with it .
Speaker 1But FMLA is unfortunately unpaid , but it does guarantee that your job is secure and you're going to be able to come back to that position support with you know your pregnancy , but let's say to the moms who's like okay , but like what do I say and how do I speak and how can I educate myself ? So you know , when it's that backlash where you're being treated differently , you're like I know I'm being treated differently or I'm in an awkward conversation at lunch and they're like you're pregnant again , you know , like how do you kind of say , how would you speak that or talk to them ? Because you speak that or talk to them , because you know you kind of just like , oh my gosh , is this person really saying this to me ? Or they're going , are you really coming back ? Or you know these just kind of hurtful comments that come at the fact that it's like I always tell people I was .
Speaker 1You know , I'm born being able to have a baby . That is not something I chose before I was born . And here I am and this is , you know , the gift that I have , that I am able to carry babies and deliver babies . My husband cannot and I can't , and that's nobody's fault , and this is what it is so like . Why am I getting this backlash that I am doing something that only my body can do , that we won't ?
Speaker 2Yeah , and those are always difficult scenarios and sometimes it's truly a lack of education or the other person not realizing how hurtful those types of comments can be . So sometimes it's a simple conversation . If you feel safe having that conversation to privately be like you know , joe Susie , whomever those were really hurtful comments . I'm so excited for this stage of my life and I'm really looking forward to being able to come back and to do it all , whatever it is sometimes that works .
Speaker 2When that doesn't work again , I think that's who you need to bring that to , how you need to bring it up and again , usually there will be some type of manual or a collection of policies that describe this . So , really arming yourself with I know what my rights are , I know that I don't deserve to be treated this way . Whether it's a material change like oh well , we're going to take you off that project because the baby will be born , you won't be able to do anything , okay , well , do you have to take me off right now ? Or am I doing two weeks and we're transition planning ? So this is so context specific and dependent , but usually there will be a bring a concern to your supervisor . If it's not resolved at that level , then it escalates here to here to here . Those workplace policies will typically tell you how to navigate any type of workplace misconduct or workplace infractions .
Speaker 1And I hate that . It's a thing that you even have to talk about , but it is , and I think some people just feel like it's more work for them or that if you're out , then I'll have to take on your role , right ? It's kind of like they see it as like the balance shifts of workload , and I always love the comments like oh , enjoy your vacation , your maternity leave .
Speaker 2That is not a vacation , and I'm like if you say that Not a vacation Preach .
Speaker 1That is one of the most annoying comments I've ever heard . It's like do you think she's on vacation with a newborn ?
Speaker 2Just gave
Navigating Maternity Leave Options
Speaker 2birth . Yes , all the things .
Speaker 1Yes , Just wild . What do you think helped you just on a personal note , being pregnant in the workplace , a very high pace , very power . You know you , you're , you're running it . You're doing it both times , like what was some things that helped you ? What ? What helped you when you came back ? Was it a coworker ? Was it what you did for yourself ? Like give our listeners kind of like an insight there , cause I can hear them in the background . What'd she do ? How did she handle this ?
Speaker 2Yeah , no , I'd be happy to . So I was with two different employers when I gave birth . My first child was born when I was still with a judge on the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals and in that situation , because of the type of job I had , I was not FMLA eligible and I was really considered a temporary employee . I had a one-year term for this job . So I worked with my judge personally and then with main HR in Atlanta for the 11th circuit and I took two weeks of paid leave , six weeks of unpaid leave and then I came back .
Speaker 2But I was so blessed because we were able to stretch that budget . We planned for it . We knew what we were getting ourselves into . What we didn't expect were the pretty major complications I had with my son postpartum . He was totally fine , thank goodness , but I did not do so well in his labor and delivery , so a lot of it was just .
Speaker 2I was in a small office , they were compassionate , they were supportive . I was not moving very fast , I wasn't fully back up to speed , but you know what ? I never had issues pumping , I never had issues feeling like , well , she said she was coming back and now she's not even able to do X , y and Z . Some of that was just pure luck because I was with incredible people case , but acknowledging that I needed help was really important because then they understood . You know they . They knew that I had been really unwell . They knew I needed to have another surgery to correct and repair some of the damage that was done to my body . Those were important conversations and they were really . You know , I didn't go into gory detail , I wasn't gross or medical , but it was like , yeah , the delivery was not what we anticipated . And here we are and this is what we're going to have to do . Sometimes just that transparency helped people meet me where I was . So I think that if you're safe to do that in your workplace , I think that's a great step .
Speaker 2It was a totally different story when our second child was born . She is a sweet COVID baby , so we were in a really different environment . I had immense levels of support . Maybe I'm just the luckiest litigator in the world from that sense , but once I was ready to come back , I had worked really diligently on the front end to get my cases where they were ready to be neatly transitioned to help someone pick up where they needed to . For a few months we had worked with opposing counsel on some deadlines to be like , well , you know they wanted to move a deadline and it was kind of that really funny . I was literally eight months pregnant and I was like that's not going to be possible , guys , because I will literally have a baby . So it's either this date or we push it off six months . So some of it again was just clear communication about this is my life , like they knew I was pregnant . You could not look at me and not think is she pregnant ? I was so very clearly pregnant .
Speaker 2I remember I filed a major brief the Friday before my daughter was born , on a Tuesday , and I was like that's it , that's a wrap , I'll see y'all in 12 weeks , when I'm right . I think I came back after 14 weeks and was like I'll be back around this date and I'll be ready to pick up . But one of the things that was great was , even towards the end of my maternity leave I started communicating with people hey , still scheduled to come back around . You know where are we ? Can you brief me on where we are , what you need when I come back ? And then it really was just having that transition plan . I was lucky because I'd been at the firm for a few years . People knew me , people knew that if I said this was going to get done , this was how it was going to get done when it was when it was . So a lot of that is use the trust , use your capital that you built up in the workplace to say I'm back , this is what I can do , this is where we are and let's move forward . And it worked really well and a lot of that was I made it really clear what my part of the bargain was I'm back on this date , this is what I can do . You know , I was again really lucky .
Speaker 2I had an office with a door that locked . I could just lock my door and pump and keep working . I know some people don't have that flexibility . They have to go to a lactation room and that is a little more interrupting to their flow . But you know it took a few weeks because we had a pretty open door policy in our office in particular . So you would like knock on the door and then walk in and I could always hear that knock , knock , knock and then the door just jostling and they why is the door locked ? And I found one time . I was just like I'm pumping . And let me tell you after that , if they knocked on the door and like gingerly tested the doorknob , they just they're like . I'll see you later , come find me , cause they were like we don't we don't want to walk in on her .
Speaker 2We don't want to , you know , and a lot of that was just they got used to it and after about nine months the door wasn't locked anymore and they were like , oh , I guess we're done with that and we moved right on . So sometimes it's here's my boundaries , here's my communication . I wasn't shy about the fact that I had just had a baby and was pumping . I was like pumping , call you in 20 minutes . None of my male partners wanted to walk in on me while I was pumping . They were terrified of the thought .
Speaker 1That is the fastest way to get them out . And did you have any coworkers that was moms too , or like older moms , or that you felt kind of like you know , cause I always tell people it's community right and it's sharing is having mutual understanding that can help pull you out of things or encourage you when you're having a bad day .
Speaker 2Yeah , no , I did . There are several women at my law firm who have been moms , whether they're empty nesters now or we're all kind of going through it together . And honestly , like I said , this was my second child . At this point I was so much more confident as a mom and what I was doing , so it was a lot easier for me just to be like OK , well , this is how it's going to work . And every once in a while , you know , one of us would , I'd show up with a stroller and be like , yep , she's sick , I need to grab some things and take stuff back home . And it was just kind of like well , okay , but I had a lot of flexibility . And again , I know not everyone has that , but having that community and again , I worked predominantly with men just in the practice area that I was .
Speaker 2One of my most wonderful and greatest mentors , who is a mom herself , had actually gotten a position on the federal bench , so she transitioned around the same time . I was pregnant when she transitioned , but she didn't stop mentoring me . She didn't stop supporting me and encouraging me . So even if the lawyer wasn't still in the office next door every once in a while it's just like send a text message , check on someone . And I had so much of that Moms from outside of the law practice , moms from church , moms from my own friend group so community is so important . And then , honestly , all the guys I worked with , they were all dads . So when I got my status and was out for a few days cause I had a fever and felt so awful and just couldn't do anything , my husband actually went to my office and was like Aria asked me to pick up a couple of notebooks because she's trying to , you know , work from home a little bit .
Speaker 2And someone
Personal Workplace Experiences
Speaker 2, like if we were a small group in my particular office , we all knew each other well . So it's like , oh , like , is she OK ? Is it the baby ? I was like , oh , she has mastitis . And this poor , this partner was like , oh , I remember when my wife had that oh . So there was a lot of compassion and empathy , even if they didn't know what it was like . They had a wife who did , who understood . They remember when their kids were born Again , so much of it was a blessing because I had a group who loved me and supported me . But I also was open about my motherhood appropriately , I hope . So that helped them . I didn't try to hide it , to be like you can't know I have children , you can't know what my life is . We were together all the time . They knew I had kids . They knew I was pumping . They apparently knew when I had mastitis .
Speaker 1I mean , you can't get much closer than your male co-workers , knowing that you have mastitis and you all come out bigger and better and wonderful . And that is I mean side note . Mastitis is one of the most painful things I've ever experienced , myself too .
Speaker 2So I was not . I mean , I managed never to have it when my first child was nursing . It hit me only once , but once was enough and I hope I never have that again .
Speaker 1I tell people I was like that is trauma in my brain , mastitis . Well , you are so amazing and we appreciate this conversation . It's so important and , guys , I will link in our show notes some of the federal regulation laws that we mentioned . You went in deep dive , you know . They say the break stigma is there's three different ways , right . There's protests , which can go one or two ways . You can be really you know protest rights and it can backfire . It can go forward .
Speaker 1It's going to be received differently . There's education , which we're doing right now . Right , you can self-educate , you can educate others , you can help your employer come to standards . And the next one is transparency , kind of just storytelling , which Aria is really so much Relate when that coworker whose wife had the same thing . They're going to have a humanistic experience with you of like , oh , I get it , I've been there , right . So it's a combination that we do to navigate our mental health , our motherhood , our jobs , our life . But really , if you can find that connection piece , just like Arios was sharing with someone , I guarantee that's going to move that needle way more than you think it would .
Speaker 2Yeah and Sarah . I would just add to that briefly the laws that I mentioned the ADA , title VII and the PWFA are all implemented and administered by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission , the EEOC , which is a federal government administrative body , and their website has so much information about what your rights are as an employee , what employers need to do . They have leaflets and diagrams and pamphlets and workplace posters . So there's so much information at EEOCgov so you can do a lot of self-educating , and they're not written just for lawyers . Please don't think you need to be a lawyer or have a law degree to understand . The EEOC's website is very accessible and they'll have a lot of information .
Speaker 2And if you feel like , well , I did all these things , I tried to do what was right , they're there . You would have the right to file a complaint with them and it's called a charge of discrimination . So there are ways I hope it never gets there for any of your listeners Again firsthand knowledge and also litigating them . I know they're really stressful situations , but there are really good resources for people to self-educate and sometimes , like I said , with some of these laws and some of the changes we're seeing , it's so new . Maybe your employer just doesn't know , but if you can educate and be like , well , this is what the PWFA is like . Can we get there ? That goes a long way .
Speaker 1Yeah , I think , if nothing else I've learned in motherhood motherhood , maternal , mental health world you can't assume what someone's knowledge is about something and maybe give them that benefit of the doubt that they , just like you said , don't know yet .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1Well , perfect Listeners . I know this is jam-packed and this is again in the holidays , but , like you don't have to be in the holidays to come back and listen to this . But if you're pregnant next summer you're like Sarah's 4th of July come back to this episode and listen . It is a conversation that's needed any time of the year . But , Arya , we love you . We love you as our lawyer to go to , so thank you so much for being with us .
Speaker 1Thanks , sarah , enjoyed it as always All right , listeners , I'll be back next week , so have a wonderful time . Maternal mental health is as important as physical health . The Preview Alliance podcast was created for and by moms dealing with postpartum depression and all its variables , like anxiety , anger and even apathy . Hosted by CEO founder Sarah Parkhurst and licensed clinical social worker , whitney Gay , each episode focuses on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum . Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges , as well as access tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms . You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time . Please know you're not alone on this journey . We're here to help .